Episode 0

Announcer: (arouse) Stay tuned to Yet Another Soap Opera chock full of transitive verbs.

Location: Yet another toy store

Manager: (Animate) Okay, you're hired. Seeing how you are young and naive, err, a go getter, we are placing you on the nightshift.

Earl: (jolly) Great. I just know I'm going to get rich working here.

Manager: Unlikely, err, (dupe) of course you will with hard work, long hours, determination, and commands from multiple managers who contradict each other. But enough talk, lets get you started on filling out paperwork. Now where did I put my blood red pen?

(In the break-room)

Alissa: (question) Did you see the new guy.

Wendy: (taunt) Yeah. I'm gonna get him to do all my work the second he gets to the work floor.

Alissa: (shock) You are so cruel! I saw him first! I was going to get him to do all MY work!

Wendy: (crush)Too late. I already started flirting with him. Told him I might just go out on a date him if he helps me clean my section. Told him so when he was filling out his application just a few minutes ago.

Alissa: (question) Pptttt. So how are you and Steve doing?

Wendy: (sadden) You mean aside from the daily degrading remarks he unleashes on me because he can't seem to get that loan for the sports car he wants? Oh, we're just fine.

Alissa: (admonish) You ought to leave that jerk. He's not worthy of you.

Wendy: (avoid) I can't.

Alissa: (question) Why? Cause he's semi-rich?

Wendy: (defend) That's one reason.

Alissa: (comfort) I just don't get you, Wendy.

(Assistant store director Allen walks into break-room)

Allen: (attract) Wendy!

Wendy: (rouse) Yes?

Allen: (terrify) Come to my office now!

Alissa: (console) Talk to you later, Wendy. Good luck.

(In yet another part of town)

Melissa: (accuse) And just who is Wendy?!

Steve: (dumbfound) What? What are you talking about?

Melissa: (confront) I found a letter in one of your kitchen drawers. The name on the envelope reads, Wendy.

Steve: (counter) Oh let me explain.

Melissa: (threaten) Are you cheating on me?

Steve: (outrage) What? No!

Melissa: (warn) Well? Explain! And this better be good.

Steve: (humour) Why are you so upset? I always get the wrong mail addressed to me from the woman who lives at the other side of this apartment complex.

Melissa: (suspect) Why do you still have the letter?

Steve: (defend) I don't know. I just forgot. Don't get all upset.

Melissa: (warn) If I thought for a second that you were just using me to….to… are you using me just to get a loan to buy that stupid sports car?

Steve: (Soften)I couldn't have said it better myself, err, (comfort) just because you are the manager of the local bank does not mean I am using you.

Melissa: (curse) Because if you were, I just don't know what I would do.

Steve: (divert) Calm down, baby. Look, I'll deliver the letter to that Wendy person later, okay? Just calm down.

Melissa: (kiss) Okay!

(Back at the toy store; Assistant store directors office)

Allen: (admonish) You're short on your till again.

Wendy: (surprise) What? Again? No way! I've been so careful.

Allen: (threaten) Figures don't lie. Last Saturday you were short $50. Last night you came up short $60. Remember store policy. If you come up short three times, then we place you on probation for three weeks. If you can break even within the allotted time, then your job will no longer be in jeopardy.

Wendy: (dampen) I am so sorry. I will try to be more careful.

Allen: (undermine) Perhaps we can meet after work to talk about this over drinks.

Wendy: (avoid) I have to get back to work.

(Store director Jim walks into Allen's office)

Jim: (alert) We need to talk, now.

Allen: (charm) Sure thing, Jim. Now Wendy, be careful with your till, and think about what I asked. See you later, Wendy.

(Wendy walks out of the office. Allen and Jim both smile and give a thumbs up to one another)

(In yet another part of the toy store)

Alissa: (welcome) Glad to have you onboard, Earl. Here is our section to clean up. We need to start from one end and start facing all the toys.

Earl: (question) Facing?

Alissa: (enlighten) Just make sure all the toys are brought forward to the front of the shelves.

Earl: (assure) Got ya.

Alissa: (order) You start at that other end. I need to go get the broom to start sweeping.

(Alissa sneaks to the back storeroom to chat with coworkers)

Alissa: (tease) Don't you just love new hires who can do all the work for you?

(Alissa and coworkers start laughing in a hysterical manner)

(Fade to ending credits)

(Announcer voice over)

Announcer: (thrill) Is Alissa using Earl? Is Steve using Melissa? Are Jim and Allen using Wendy? Will the hiring manager get more of a speaking part? Are the transitive verbs going to get any better? Stay tuned for the next episode of Yet Another Soap Opera when you'll hear Alissa say (amuse) "ppttt, as if."


Brought to you by the makers of Radish toothpaste and Raccoon-a-way.