2-29-13 9:36 am
I turn over in my bed, now staring at the wall. I could have sworn I was lesbian since fifth grade cause of my crush on Marie, then Carly, Marissa, Karris. So many girls I've liked or kissed but now I feel different...Like I can't really figure anything out. Whenever I think of him I get tongue-tied and sick to the stomach. It's not right. I like girls not guys but Now I feel different...
4-20-13 1:59 pm
Today, was extra strange. Me and Samantha actually talked. Sabrina called me mean, lunch was more packed with fun and laughter than with drama like normal. My feelings for Samantha have come back to bite me in the ass, and I finished the love game book. It was really good, I could reread it sometime soon. But this is my journal for now on, so no need to talk to people...I love someone, I just don't know who though. me liking Brandon didn't work so I've decided to stick to girls as long as I can. Ever despite my feeling remaining for him. Dallas.. never another guy -Sigh- Life, why you be so hard...
5-7-13 9:10 am
Today, Was pretty awful. I was called stupid and annoying by one of my closet friends. Stab to the heart right there. The first time I felt useless, pathetic. I mean look at me, I'm writing a journal on fiction press for Christ sakes. This is obviously means that I am forever alone ha ha forever and always. Alone. Never to be understood, and never to be loved again. *Cries* the feels are kicking my ass once more! Time to go die now...
5-9-13 1:18 pm
Today, This very day, I hope it is my last day for this journal. I honestly hoped that I could get over these feelings for Samantha but no, I tried ignoring her, hiding from here, any other kind of avoidance but no. They've gotten stronger by the tons. She makes me laugh without meaning to, her smile is amazing, not hide her white teeth and bright happiness. She's beautiful without trying and It's envious. The way she talks is just amazingly perfect, my feelings for her are as a LEGO house. I tear it down but all that happens is that she builds it five times higher. Quickly. I'm out of touch, out of love, I'll pick you up when your feeling down, and out of all these things I've done, I think I love better now. It might be love. But love in a school year seems impossible. She makes me so happy without even knowing it. Great now look, I've gone completely off track. All I say today is that my tries failed, but it's been a more normal time than the past three entries...
5-15-13 1:46 pm
I want to die, not to live but to slit my wrist along with my throat and die. I have nothing left, my wing woman who lead me on saying that Samantha liked me and was bi just told me that I had no chance anyways. I so fucking mad and sad its not even funny, it pisses me off when the fucking bitch does this. Its the fucking twelfth time this has happened and I'm so sick of it...I've had tears in my eyes since 5th period and its the end of the day. I have to leave, to run...just to go home. This pain is just too much for me to take...
7-23-13 12:46 am
I try and say that I don't like Selena but when it comes down to it, I just push her away and find another girl to break my heart. I don't think I could handle it if she was the one who broke it. It'd be way to hard , and I think that's why I hide those feelings away, plus I think for a while I've had these feelings away but now they just come back to kill me...but then May came in the picture and I took that as a chance to get Selena out the picture and It did until I hugged her in apology for calling her a name and saw how hurt she was, it felt right having her in my arms but then I realized I couldn't love her, I just can't, and that's why I don't. Never.
Hard Pass, HARD PASS!
Feels for Ricky, Flex
I guess your cool, not exactly how I would like to use my journal but I guess I could start saying how I felt about people on here. Anyway, Rick your an ignorant bastard who deserved to be choked and again you should be. You flirted with Marissa on my last birthday and you did It with Zoe this time, YOURE GAY, act it for once and not tell stories of it. It pisses me off, especially when it's supposed to be on my special days and another thing, next year, how are you going to flirt with next, May? maybe even Selena again or one of the others? It's fucking annoying so how about you get a life fucker and stop making me want to kill myself after seeing you all over the person I have strong fucking feelings over and find someone you like to mess with, not someone after I tell you I like them, Okay? So do me a favor and stay away from people I like, don't flirt with them, just don't touch them or anything. Maybe you can follow those words since you obviously don't follow body signals or facial, I cant handle any more breaks, so don't cause one for me, my wall is up bitch I can't tear it down from inside but neither can you Asshole.
8-1-13 1:00 Am
I sit here thinking. I have no more strength to fight, so why stay fighting when so weak? It isn't strength I'm using anymore. It's will, it's a goal i'm shooting for and no matter who or how much I get knocked down my will brings me back up to fight again. So why is my will so strong? Why is my will stronger than me? I'm part of that handful that is carried on by their will than strength. I feel as if, all this time I should have tried to help other people see the way I do, even if they didn't listen they might think about it later. It really hurts to hear nothing but the WORLD DOESN'T CARE. NOBODY CARES. NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE WORLD. That isn't true. The handful like me care, that's a small amount but it's still people who care. So don't tell me no one cares, if we do. but what you say is completely true, the 'Nobodies' don't care, but the 'Somebodies' do.
I am part of the handful that care, we are somebody