THE BOOGERNOSE BEARS IN: TOO MANY ANNOYING BOOKS!

One of the worst things about being a children's librarian (other than dealing with children all day) is shelving the children's books. The books are always super thin, and easy to drop. It's hard to keep them in order because kids can't read and stuff them every which way on the shelves. And if you're getting old and your eyes are bad you can't read the stupid spine labels anyway. But the worst thing of all is when you look at the books themselves and see how stupid they are!

Take THE BOOGERNOSE BEARS. You've seen these books. The Boogernoses are a family of bears, only they don't look like real bears - they look like little brown turds with heads stuck on to them. And they have adventures, but they're not fun adventures, they're stupid "educational" adventures where the little bears do something stupid and learn An Important Lesson. The books all have thrilling titles like TOO MUCH JUNK FOOD or TOO MUCH TV.

After a while, as you shelve too many Boogernose books, the rage starts to build. You begin to hyperventilate. You start to hallucinate. You begin to imagine

THE BOOGERNOSE BEARS IN . . .

MAULING RANDOM CAMPERS

PAWING THROUGH GARBAGE

PLAYING IN TRAFFIC

STEALING FROM THE BLIND

PRACTICING WITCHCRAFT

TOUCHING MYSELF TOO OFTEN

MOCKING ADULTS

TOO MUCH PORN

GRAVE ROBBING MADNESS

CANNIBALISTIC FRENZY

NECROPHILIA IS NOT COOL

DARK UNCLEAN RITES

CALL OF CTHUHLU

DROPPING A LOAD ON THE LAWN

WEE WEE IN PUBLIC

SCORE SOME WEED

PICKING MY SORES

I DIDN'T WIPE MYSELF

SMELLING DADDY'S SOCKS

STEALING DADDY'S CAR

INTERNET SMUT

Okay, that's all I can think of! If you review, please suggest a few more "Boogernose" titles. Have a blessed day!