Definition "essay" I wrote for AP English III. Kinda stupid and pointless, but I thought What the hell, might as well.



Mathematics is a school course that students in all grades are subjected to.

In the early years, mathematics consist of learning how to count numbers.

Next, simple arithmetic, but then multiplication and division, and then the alphabet and alien symbols get involved.

The multiplication and division stage is when mathematics transform before a student's eyes from a harmless forty-five minutes to a seemingly endless hell.

Clicks of calculators (mathematics' favourite utensil to cramp the hands of unsuspecting children) pound in the ears of pupils for days, and the brains of all are fried from trying to figure out what "a logarithm to the ninth power of fifteen divided by an invisible fraction times x" is.

The only reason this monstrosity hasn't been subtracted form the human experience by now (and we've had millennium to do so) is because it's added its way into everything we do: consumerism, health, transportation and communication, entertainment, and even an English essay written by some random teenage girl.

The number of ways we use mathematics is multiplying...

...but sadly that multiplier is never "zero" so that there'd be zero math.


Hope you enjoyed.