Give Me A Chance.

" And I've lost who I am , And I can't understand

Why my heart is so broken , Rejecting your love

Without love gone wrong , Life less words

Carry on "

Shattered by Trading Yesterday .

She loved painting more than anything as her hands touched the brown bench that belongs to her college campus . She closed her eyes and allowed the memory to surge into her mind like a rushing wave of the sea . She had beautiful memories at this bench with him , the boy who brought more color in her once dull life .

Flashback .

" I love this awesome view . " I turned to look at him who had his thumb and second finger from both his hand into a frame . His smile was crooked as if it was a smirk and his eyes twinkled with joy and an emotion I could not decipher .

" And what is that awesome view you are talking about ? " I asked him with a soft smile.

He brought his framed hand further away and tilted it to one side ." The view of you painting , it kind of make me love you more and more . " He said with no shame and a hint of smile as I rolled my eyes with the smile still on my face .

He can be so damm cheesy sometimes .

I grinned and splattered some green paint on his cheeks as he looked at me with shocking brilliant brown eyes . "You better love me more and more cause I wont ever let you escape . " I made a matching patch of paint on the other side of his cheeks .

"I wouldn't even dream of escaping . "

We leaned our forehead towards each other .

I love this boy with sparkling brown eyes , if I can I want the color of his eyes to remain in my memories forever . I want to burn all this beautiful color he had shown me into the depth of my soul . With these pair of eyes that god have given me I want to see more thing with him and forever paint the scenery he wants to see . That is the only thing I have ever wanted .

Until everything crash and burn when I became blind as my heart began to weaken .

I traced the frame of the bench as I tilted my head towards the sky willing myself to not cry .

My heart has always been weak ever since I was young but I hoped that a cure would be found. Sometime when I was too down I would paint my heart out and if I do die of heart failure one day I would leave all this beautiful picture for my family and friends .This would be my thank you gift to them something to remember me with .

Than everything change when I meet him .

He had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen .

His brown eyes always sparkle with life .

He had a laugh that can lighten any one's mood .

Now I wanted to live and be with him to continue to see the sparkle in his eyes , to hear the joyful laugh he owns and to hear his soft melodic voice when he sings my favorite song . I wanted to continue having beautiful moments with him .

I wanted to live .

I slid onto the floor with my face covered with both hands . Everything it's too late now I can no longer see thanks to the car accident I was involve in and even my heart now can stop any day any time . There wasn't a suitable heart donor for me by next month I would probably leave this world .

Leave him behind .

" Hey, I got your art supplies . " I recognized that voice it was my best friend .

"Yeah , let's get you home before it gets too late . " That is her boyfriend they were high school sweetheart .

"I-I want to go to one more place can you bring me there ? " I asked the both of them as I held the walking stick in my left hand .

"Where do you want to go... ? " I can't hear the hesitant in Natalie's voice .

"Maybe we should just - "

Before Micah can finish his sentence I interfered .

"I want to go to the shared room of the music and art room . "

- Micah and Natalie looked at each other and sighed before forcing a smile even though , that girl standing in front of them can no longer see -

"We will bring you there . "

" We are here . " Natalie said with a tint of smile in her voice .

"Is it still the same ? " I asked them as I slowly walked forward knowing if this place dint change I would reach the piano soon . That piano that he used to play whenever I need inspiration to paint or when he just feel like it .

Wait .

There was a time when he tried to imitate the sound of life with that piano but in the end both he and I found a better example for it .

The sound of life .

Flashback .

" Dude the game is not over yet ! " Joshua a college mate of ours called across the field as he ran towards him while waving at the other guys with a bright smile .

"Sorry guys my girlfriend is here , we will continue this next time ! " I was smiling at their playful exchange knowing that Joshua and him were best friend and that Joshua wasn't exactly mad at the situation . He probably just wanted to make fun of him .

I ducked my head low letting my long black hair cover my scarlet face .

" What ?! What happen to ' Bro's before hoe's ' ? "Joshua shouted back as he looked at me and continue finishing his sentence with a smile . " No offence . " I waved his apologies off with a soft smile . Joshua mock glared at his best friend .

Joshua's best friend reached my side looked into my eyes and said . " That saying was long discarded right when I meet this girl here . " He tucked in a strand of my black hair behind my ear in a loving manner . I would never forget the look in his eyes .

"Okay , go now before I puke out my breakfast . " Joshua said in a playful manner and went back to the field .

"Alright shall we , girlfriend ? " He held out his hands .

"Sure , boyfriend . " I said in response of his teasing nickname and held onto his large tanned hand .

We walked up to the shared music and art room .

All the way through the stairs we swung our hands like three year old and sometime he would stop walking just to make me look at him . When I look at him he would laugh and for some reason I would laugh along with him .

His laughter was contagious .

" Now you can sit there and paint your heart out . " He pointed at the window of the room that can see outside a huge historical tree . "And I will sit there and do my own stuff . " He flickered at my forehead and walked towards the seat of the piano .

"Aye , Sir ! " I mock saluted him and took out my art supplies and place it at the window side .

I smiled at the scenery , just below the tree we shared our first kiss and that's why this tree is something I would paint over and over again . Sometimes when the sky seem pale blue I would paint it and when it look like a looming red twilight I would paint it again . Today the sky looked pinkish orange and the leaf rustled as if they are singing in their own tune .

It was the sound of life .

' The sound of life . ' I whispered .

"What does the sound of life sound like ? " He asked with a smile "Like this ? " He played a C Major chord . " Or like this ? " He played a G Major chord . I chuckled at the ridiculous suggestion that he is implying as I picked up my brush and smiled .

" The sound of life is any sound you want it to sound like . "

" Clear and beautiful . " He pressed a C note .

"Refine and noble . " He pressed a D note .

I shrugged and continue painting . " Anything you want it to be . "

"Hm... than I guess the sound of life would be the sound of your voice . "

The brush fell from my hand as I looked at him .

His eyes sparkled with seriousness and his lips formed a loop side grin .

All I could do was smile in response and said . " I understand what you mean . "

"Can the both of you leave me here alone for a while Nat , Micah ? " I asked trying to hold in the tears .

- Natalie reached out for the girl but Micah's large hand held onto her wrist to stop her . Micah looked at the girl than back at his Natalie and shook his head . -

"We will come back and get you in half an hour . " Micah said in an understanding tone.

- Natalie reached out for the girl but Micah large hand held onto her wrist to stop her . Micah looked at the girl than back at his Natalie and shook his head . -

"We will come back and get you in half an hour . " Micah said in an understanding tone.

-He dragged Natalie by the wrist as the let the door close behind them . They stood outside the door as Natalie glared at her boyfriend just as she wanted to open her mouth to scold him they heard a sound . -

I screamed as I threw the box of paint I was holding across the room at that moment I broke down as I slump on the floor and cried my heart out . Slowly I crawled towards where the wind was the strongest the window . I allowed my head to hit the wall as the sobs tore out from me . My hands reached the panel of the window .

"Why ... all I want is to live . " She started with a soft whisper .

"A heart that beats strongly . " She placed her hand above her chest .

"A normal life that I can laugh at pointless things . " She lifted her head up .

"All I want was to be with my family , friends ... " Her voice become hoarse . " and him ."

"Now... I can't even remember it clearly . " She slowly crawled up . "How does his eyes look like ? " Her eyes flashed with confusion . " How does his smile look like ? " Her voice raised slightly . "I can't remember... I c-cant . Why can't I ? " She raised her left hand as in to grasp something .

"All I want is to live on . " She placed both her hands to cover her ears .

" Is there anyone out there " She walked aimlessly around the room as she reached the piano she accidental pressed a note of the piano . The sound echoed in the empty room .

- Natalie and Micah looked at each other with a pained expression as Natalie covered her mouth with both her hand trying to contain her sob she placed her head on Micah's chest as Micah shut his eyes and held his girlfriend in his arm as he whispered ' I wish we weren't so powerless . ' .

Than she whispered that one sentence .

" Give me a chance... to live on ."

l wrote this to raise awareness for heart disease a few years ago :)