color blind

. . .

They're all so judgemental.

. . .

It was always so simple: stay in the shadows and no one will know. Remember how characters would question the nerdy girl, asking her why she was so quiet? None of that applied to me. Why? I was invisible; translucent, but nonetheless, real. If someone can touch, feel, know, then I never doubt the fact that they're people. Others may go against what I say, but the truth is the truth. I just wish those people would stay, people like me. The only time anyone actually pays attention to them is when they're already gone. They tell everyone they didn't know of their suffering, that he/she should've spoken up. Bullshit.

That right there is utter bullshit.

How can someone say that when that person was already without a voice? Tell me, what if that person has lost their will to live simply because no one wants to hear them? But no one takes a chance and listens to said person. Sometimes, we all become lost in the insults thrown at us everyday, making us believe we're worthless. We're not even the dirt, we're the sounds you think you hear, but are never actually there. Yes, I'm one of those 'useless' beings. The thing is, I don't need attention or love. I've learned to live without either one. There's no use in trying to gather affection when nobody wants to share some on their own.

I've seen so many things - horrifying things. So many deaths. So many people saying, "I can't take it any longer." Maybe it was humanly impossible to believe they could be stronger than the rest of society because it all came done to one thing; they were dead. All of them. Those people who left - my friends - make me want to scream. Why?

Things could've turned out differently and everything could've been alright for them. I don't want a constant reminder of today's biggest assholes. It doesn't help when I hear all the sneers being directed at one person. I'm a coward for not helping, but isn't everyone? Only the fearless can stand up for the victim. I can't.

I understand I should look at both sides of the story. Let's face it though; we're all suffering. It's just so hard to see the other side when you're the one dealing with the outcomes. Sure, the bullies cry because they might actually be sad. (Or they just want the publicity.) The thing is: people never learn certain things.

And it's irritating.

I just want to feel the slight breeze on my skin as I dip my toes into the cool water. The sun shining on me as the seagulls fly by. A small lullaby would escape my lips while the silky sand found its way to my feet. Maybe I would stare at the swirls of gold in the sky as the sun began hiding behind the clouds. I would hear the laughter coming from my friends as they teased me for being such a dreamer. Then, I would laugh and join them in their fun.

Maybe, just maybe.

... ...

But I only see red.

. . .

So she tucks away all those pleasant dreams and replaces them with nightmares.

. . .