A/N: I'm ending my substantial hiatus with two updates. This play earned me third place in a play competition, $150. I think it's good, so enjoy. Also, I'm not used to play format, and the competition required us to produce the play in 24 hours, so that explains why.

Ivan Diggory Delirian



Nurse Cural

Doctor Gallen

Scene i

Sveta: (Facing wall, turning to Ivan when she hears his footsteps. Rushing to him) Ivan Diggory Deliran, I wasn't sure if you'd actually make it. You're late (she spits the words out in annoyance). It's not proper to make a lady wait.

Ivan: (Snarky tone) Now, Sveta, what does a hotshot like you want with a simple detective like me? Lost the keys to your office?

Sveta: (Straightening her back, hard professionalism creeping into her tone) Cute. (Clasps hands behind back) I have a job for you; they say you're the best. Unless (a mocking tone and expression forming) you'd rather go back to solving household cases. I think my secretary lost her cat; maybe I'll have her call you.

Ivan: (Makes a failed comeback, and then fumbles in silence)

Sveta: That's what I thought. Like I said: I have a job for you, so listen up; I won't be repeating myself. My best client has lost some delicate information, and I need you to bring it to me.

Ivan: (Raising an eyebrow) Oh? And why can't you do that yourself, Sveta?

Sveta: (Inhaling, and speaking coolly) Let's just say, it's out of my… jurisdiction.

Ivan: (Pacing, emphasizing with hand gestures) Ah. So, you require me, a detective, a seeker of truth, to retrieve evidence. The irony. Why am I not surprised?

Sveta: (Claps hands nonchalantly, speaking dryly) And that's why they say you're the best. Either way, I know you'll help me.

Ivan: You're a cocky one.

Sveta: I pay well, and I'm sure you're just itching for an interesting case. (Walking up to him, placing her hand on his shoulder) So, are you up for it?

Ivan: (Long pause) Where do I need to go?

Sveta: (Pulling a folded sheet of paper from her pocket) All the information is here. Don't lose it.

Ivan: (Unfolds paper and reads it, walking off without a word)

Sveta: (Chuckles) Too easy.

Enter Larkin from audience, his back to them for the duration of this part. He and Sveta meet each other halfway across the stage. She holds her hand out, to which Larkin kisses. It seems practiced, like they've done this numerously.

Sveta: (Concerned) Can you handle this, honey?

Larkin: (Gruffly, but not unkind) I got this; let's make it quick.

He offers her his arm, to which she wraps hers around. They exit backstage.

Scene ii

Ivan sneaks into office and examines it. He finds a box of files and walks to it, tripping. He searches through the box, grabbing the correct one. He puts it under his arm, and walks away, tripping again, dropping the file. He gets up and dusts himself off, looking like a dork, and exits. When he gets to the door, he realizes he forgot the file. Ivan rushes back to it. Paper(s) out of it, he read(s) out of curiosity. Realizing what it means, he drops the paper in shock, and exclaims how they plan on killing him afterwards.

Ivan: (Pacing. Smacking his head) Ugh, what am I going to do?! It's the perfect plan and I'm their target. (Pausing) It's okay, you got this. Just calm down, and think. Think? THINK? How am I supposed to think about my own murder?! Ivan, just pull yourself together. (Snapping fingers and shouting) Yeah, think, I just gotta thi- (trips over same thing again). (Jumps to his feet, excited) I got it! That's it. (Grave tone) But first thing's first: Sveta, our damsel not so in distress.

Ivan cautiously exits building, looking around him before finally leaving.

Scene iii

Sveta impatiently waits for Ivan, tapping her foot repeatedly. When he arrives, she points at her watch.

Sveta: (Annoyed) You're late. Again. Is this what the best has to offer? Took you long enough.

Ivan: (Storming to her, holding out the file in hand, trembling) What is this?!

Sveta: (Innocently) Well, by whatever do you mean?

Ivan: (Scoffing) Oh, give up the innocent damsel in distress act, Sveta. You're not fooling anyone. I read this so called "file". (Invading her personal space) What's. Your. Plan?

Sveta: I don't know what you're talking ab-

Ivan: You're up to something, I know it! So why'd you really hire me, Sveta? (Grinding the name) What's really going on? Is this a set up?

Sveta: (Sweetly) Did you take your meds today?

Ivan: (Earnestly confused. Silent for a moment, then shakes his head, as if clearing away confusion, ignoring her sentence and responding) I'm sorry, I'm just freaking out for no reason.

Sveta: I hired you. How am I supposed to know what's in that file? It's not even in my office, not even my department. (Winding herself up, appropriate hand gestures) To even get to my office, you would have to go to the C Building, down the third hall all the way to the second room. Ask the security guard, and follow him down the hall with the black and white tiles… and THAT'S my office! (States it fiercely, and grabs file from him)

Ivan: (Hysterical) I can see it now! He's leaning against the corner in his "cool kid" stance, completing the look with a toothpick between his teeth. Those piercing black eyes, pale white skin, perfect head of hair, and of course harsh tone, demanding voice, arrogant glare… (his voice eventually loses strength out of the terror of this image)

Sveta: Ivan, sweetie, you're just imagining things again, that's all. Come with me to my office and we'll work it out from there.

Ivan agrees and nods in confirmation, following her lead.

Scene iv

Ivan, still following Sveta, stops dead in his tracks when he sees a man fitting his description.

Sveta: (Turning to Ivan) Is something wrong?

Ivan: (Looking at Larkin in terror, pointing, making a mental list, counting off with the fingers of his other hand) Cool kid stance, piercing black eyes, pale white skin, perfect head of hair…

Larkin: (Curtly) Well, hello there, son.

Ivan: (His panic rising) Harsh tone, demanding voice, and arrogant glare! (Long pause. Ends it wish a huge sigh of relief) But no toothpick; thank God. I'm safe.

They walk up to each other, and as Larkin does, he grabs a toothpick from his pock and places it in between his teeth.

Larkin: I've been waiting for you.

Ivan: (Makes a noise denoting his fear) The toothpick! (Points at it)

Larkin: (Pulls gun out, holding next to his head, barrel pointing upwards) I'm sure you know by now that I'm going to kill you.

Ivan: (Gradually becomes more and more hysterical as his monologue continues) I knew this would happen some day, so why didn't I see it sooner? (Buries face in his palms at the end of this sentence. Lifts head up for next. Voice steadily picks up speed) It's because I put your gang in the slammer, I made you lose your territory, I ruined your reputation! (Voice climaxes, then dies. Shakes his head, mumbling at first, then picks up, like the previous line)No wait, or is it because I knocked that lamp over in the living room, or got in those fights at school, or that one time I totaled the car! (Maniacally) Is that it? (Approaching Larkin and speaking insanely) Yes, that's why, isn't it!

Sveta: (Placing both her hands on Ivan's shoulders and turning his torso to her) Ivan, calm down. None of this is your fault. It was bound to happen eventually.

Larkin: (Shouting at Ivan, which causes the latter to face the former. Pointing the gun at Ivan) It's just all part of the plan. This is all for your own good. Don't worry; I'll make it quick; it won't hurt a bit.

Ivan freaks out at the gun; the lights black out; different characters shout his name. When they turn back on, Nurse Cural and Doctor Gallen are onstage. Sveta and Larkin are gone.

Cural: Doctor Gallen. Doctor! (Frantic) Restrain him, I need to sedate him!

Gallen restrains Ivan so Cural can inject Ivan. Ivan relaxes, the other two sigh in relief.

Gallen: Ivan Diggory Deliran, can you not be psychotic for a little while? Your parents are here.

Cural Gallen join to leave together

Cural: (As they exits) Doctor, we really need to stop showing him those old black and white movies. Come on in, Mr. and Mrs. Deliran.

Cural and Gallen exit

Mr. and Mrs. Deliran enter. They stop right in front of the door.

Sveta: Can you handle this, honey?

Larkin: Yes, I got this, let's make it quick.

Ivan: (Sluggishly) No… not… parents.


Ivan Diggory Delirian literally means, gift from God (Ivan), abandoned (Diggory) and insane (taken from Latin word 'delirius').

Sveta, taken from Svetlana, meaning woman of light.

Larkin literally means harsh or cruel.

Cural is taken from Latin word 'cura', meaning care.

And Gallen is taken from the Greek physician Aelius Galenus.