The Will

By C. S. Raine

Sometimes, I'm left alone to wonder about things I'm not supposed to. My mind wanders far away and it's hard to get it to come back. I am the Daydreamer. However, I have a fear. I fear the night, not for its darkness, but for the sleep that comes and takes over my whole being. The dreams that come to me in the night are not fantasies or the desires I so desperately hide. I have only nightmares. They are seemingly infinite and eternal. They forever haunt my mind once the sun is gone from the sky. I do not scream, however, and wake up sweating and panting, but the horror continues and I do not wake until the morning. It has been this way ever since.

Perhaps my dark thoughts conquer me when I sleep. Perhaps I am vulnerable when I am not awake. Perhaps my mind does play tricks on me. Perhaps my mind tries to take over me when I cannot control it. This must be it. My mind must be trying to overpower me, it's "master." Then again, am I the true master? Or is it my mind that controls me and I am its slave?

See? It is my mind again, trying to confuse me and plague me with thoughts I should not think about. These are musings of a madman. Does that mean that I am a madman? Perhaps, I am. How can I not believe it? Where else have you seen someone being controlled by his or her own mind? No where else, but here.

Ah… But how can I be sure that "here" is truly a place. My mind… it is overwhelming me. The Mind is evidently powerful. I believe that now. It consumes me. I can feel it. I can feel my control of it fading. Or perhaps, the illusion of my mastery over it is dying. Yes, that must be the case.

So, the Mind does have a weakness. It is not perfect. How so, you ask? It is dependent. It needs a body so that it may exist. It needs also what the body needs so that it may function. However, I, the Will, do not need such things as food, water, shelter, or any of those. I am merely here to decide on what I want, not what I need.

The Mind is powerful, but the Will is stronger. I am the will of a person. I must control the mind. I am the master of this prison of a body. Though I am caged, I rule this place. The Mind can deceive me, but I can overcome it, as long as I will it.

I wish to control my mind, and I will be able to, for that is what I desire. Desire fuels me, but I am independent from it. I will exist, even alone. I am the Will, and I wish the nightmares away, and I know I can do such a thing, for that is what I want, and what I want shall be granted by both the Body and the Mind.

Then again, how can I be sure of this? As I have said, the Mind is deceitful and ultimately powerful. How can I be so sure that I, the Will, am truly the master and this… and everything else… is not merely an illusion?