She's like heroin

And in this moment I wish I was reckless

And in this moment I wish I didn't care

And in this moment I wish I was an addict

The first time I saw your face

My breath was taken away

It felt like the asthma attacks of my youth

But this time I almost didn't mind the burn

One hit, two hit, three hit, four

Isn't funny how quick we become hypocrites?

I swore to myself I'd never be a fool in love

Yet here I stand pining for the unattainable

It's all just a bitter cycle

Of hatred and anger and self deprecation

Inside I fear the monster slumbers restlessly

But then again I have always been paranoid

And somehow in all of this I keep my head above water

It's like learning to swim when you come around

My head is barely dipping under

Until I panic and suddenly I'm choking at the bottom

You get so close sometimes to revealing something

And I wish you would

Because who could reject a goddess?

I'd ruin it anyway- ice never truly thaws

I pull you in with a long breath

But I cough on your perfume

Somehow you've managed to get under my armor

Like a plague, you inch closer to shutting me down completely

You can't, won't, don't see it

The monster that lurks beneath my skin, the terror in my heart

Then again, maybe that is so for best

My desire to protect you from myself overrides all else

I can feel the needle sinking in deep, deeper

Is this pleasure? Pain? Something undefinable?

And you rush to my brain on the ocean waves

My ice freezes and I trap myself in you, becoming Lucifer's fool

So please, please stop staring for so long

Because its so tempting to reach out

And tuck you're hair behind your ear, delicately softly

As I pull away the cocaine powder coats my fingers

Maybe, some day, I'll give into the pressure

"Come on! Don't be a baby! Just one (hit, line pill?)"

But I was raised better, girls should be seen and not heard

The perfect daughter, the frozen monster

And besides, you'd only be (disgusted, confused, furious?)

You couldn't return these feelings if they were presented on a silver platter

So, in the end, I'll do what I do best

Conceal, don't fell, don't let them see what goes on behind closed doors

[But, if you could love me back

I'd rush to your side in a heartbeat

Because you're the drug I crave without knowing the taste, the feel

Is this childish naivete? Or just my own stupidity?]