A sad one-shot about how the holidays aren't a joyful time for everyone. The reason I wrote this, is because my holidays weren't that joyful either. Last year I lost my grandpa, this year my mom was diagnosed with cancer. That being said, I hope you enjoy this little piece of fiction.

Copyright 2014 © Rosesareforever

Lost without You

His feet touched the slippery ground, the snow creaking with every step he took. His heart beat rapidly in his chest as he approached a row of graves, knowing Anna's was nearing. Taking a deep breath, David rounded the corner at the fifth row of tomb stones. His pace slowed down as he reached the dim grey marble stone, the stone his beloved wife was buried underneath.

Cold wind embraced David as he halted at Anna's final resting place. His eyes filled with unshed tears as he reread the inscriptions on her tomb stone, his heart constricting painfully in his chest. Three years. It had been three long fucking years since he'd last held her in his arms, kissed her soft lips and made love to her. Three years since fate decided to take away the one person he didn't think he could live without. Three years since he was brutally ripped away from his soul mate. Three years since Anna passed away.

It was a long fucking time, but not nearly long enough to forget her beautiful olive skin, her bright blue eyes and the vanilla smell that enshrouded her. If David closed his eyes long enough, he could still see her standing in front of him, smell her sweet perfume and feel her tender skin. Anna. Sweet Anna. The woman that not only changed his views on women, but showed him true love did exist.


"You keep your filthy paws off my sister, you hear me?" Jack threatened, his voice stern. David laughed and shook his head. Like he'd ever go after Jack's little sister. It was known all over town that Anna Hamilton was a goody-two-shoes, the perfect daughter of officer Hamilton and his wife Rebecca. No one messed with a Hamilton and certainly not with their precious Anna.

"I wouldn't dare," David grinned, clearly amused his best friend would think he'd try to deflower his little sister. Everyone in and around town knew to be careful if David Walker came near their daughters. He was a player first class, a true womanizer that stopped at nothing if he'd chosen his next prey.

"I'm serious, dick, if you so much as look at her in the wrong way I'll have your balls," Jack warned, shoving David backward.

David's grin faltered a little as he nodded, this time serious. "Jack, my man, you know I'd never do something like that to you. We've been best friends since kindergarten, I'm not going to ruin that over a girl," David stated. Honestly, he felt a little affronted Jack would think he'd ever harm him that way.

"Wait until you see her," Jack mumbled under his breath. David hadn't seen Anna in over five years. Back then, she still wore braces, god-awful clothes and her mousy hair was always pulled back in a bun. David hadn't thought much of her. He'd been a senior, ready to finally take off and enjoy college.

Now, five years later, he was back to stay for good in the small town he grew up in. Truthfully, he'd rather have stayed in the city, but Jack had been adamant that he would return to his family and David couldn't imagine living without his best friend. David didn't feel that way about his folks. His mother spent her days drinking from a bottle of Jack Daniels and his father beat the crap out of everything that moved, thus he spent most of his time in jail these days.

It was no secret David would rather not be associated with either of them. He'd grown up in a shithole. Fortunately, the Hamilton's had taken him under their wing when he was only in pre-school. They showed him love and affection did exist, something until then David had been certain was just a fairy tale, something made up by hopeless children.

"What? Did your nerdy sister suddenly turn into a swan?" David joked.

Jack gave him a pointed stare. "More like she turned into the fantasy of every red-blooded male. The only reason I don't think of her that way is because she's my damn sister."

A rumble of laughter left David's chest. Honestly, he couldn't imagine how sweet, little Anna could turn into a sex symbol. She was the definition of a good girl. Always prim and proper, never late for anything and always the best in her class. No one beat Anna academically, not even the biggest nerds in school. She was practically a genius.

"Don't make me say 'I told you so'," Jack grunted before patting David on the shoulder and leaving the room.

The Hamilton's were holding a party that night because their 'sons' returned home. Yes, David had been fully accepted into the family, so much they even called him their son. They even came to his graduation, something David's parents didn't even bother to do.

As David stepped into the living room, he noticed the party was already in full swing. Some of Jack's aunts and uncles were waltzing through the room, probably already tipsy from the champagne they sipped. Though they weren't what attracted David's attention.

In the corner of the room stood a beautiful blonde, her golden hair falling in waves to her shoulders. The little black dress she wore fit her perfectly, outlining her generous curves and showing just enough cleavage to get a man rock hard. David had no idea when that hot little piece of ass moved into their small town, but he surely would make it his goal to find out.

When her eyes fell on him and a large smile spread across her features, David grinned. This was going to be too easy. She was already into him. It must be his lucky day. "David!" the woman shouted excitedly. "It's so good to finally see you back after all these years," she smiled, showing perfectly white teeth.

David's heart sank a little. It was good to see him back? That meant she must have been a local when he left for college. Doing another once over, David's gaze halted at her eyes. He knew those eyes, wouldn't ever forget them. There was only one woman he'd ever seen that had those exact bright blue eyes, the brightest blue orbs he'd ever encountered. "Anna?" he murmured in disbelief.

"I'm so happy you're finally moving back, David. I missed you. We all did," the gorgeous blonde, known as his best friend's little sister, said with a smile. David cursed inaudibly. How was it possible? The hottest fucking chick he'd ever seen appeared out of nowhere and turned out to be forbidden fruit? No way, no way in hell.

*end of flashback*

One look at her and David had known she'd change his life for good. Anna was everything a man could wish for. She wasn't just beautiful and sexy, she had brains and was sweet to the core. Anna wouldn't harm a fly and you could take that quite literally. She was so damn afraid of spiders, yet David had to put them outside instead of killing them. Yeah, that was Anna for you.

It only made David love her more. He'd never met anyone as kind as her. She would cry when seeing a documentary about elephants being eradicated for their ivory or see a picture of homeless children in the paper. That was just Anna, always caring about everything and everyone. It was one of her most beautiful traits.

Still, David had to admit what really drew him to her, like a bee to a flower, was her extreme beauty. Anna looked like a true goddess. Sadly, he wasn't the only one who noticed.

* flashback *

"Are you serious? You're letting her go out with that douche?" David stated, a murderous look in his eyes as he stared at his best friend.

"David, calm down, man. It's not just any guy she's going on a date with. Don't worry, I double checked him. Son of a politician, working as a lawyer, clean record. The guy doesn't even have so much as a parking ticket. What else could I hope for? This guy is clean. Anna chose well," Jack retorted.

David rolled his eyes and almost shouted 'he isn't me', but wisely kept his mouth shut. So far he'd been able to keep his interest in Anna a secret. He knew it wouldn't just hurt Jack, it'd also mean officer Hamilton would want to kill him. David couldn't do that. The Hamilton's meant too much to him to ruin it all just because he was thinking with his dick.

Still, David couldn't help but think he was letting the woman of his life slip away. The more he watched her, the more certain he became she was it for him. He'd never met a single woman before that brought out feelings that strong inside of him. He didn't just feel protective of her like a brother would, he wanted to claim her as his and never let go.

"I'm driving her to the restaurant," David decided without thinking, only then realizing Jack might not like that. "That way I can check him out from a distance when I drop her off."

"David, you know the only reason that guy isn't picking her up is because Anna doesn't want dad and me scaring him off," Jack said. It annoyed both Hamiltons to no end that Anna never let anyone pick her up. She knew damn well they'd probably cross-examine the poor guys.

"I'm not you or your father, Jack," David retorted with a grin.

"It's your death, brother, not mine," Jack replied, shaking his head. "She'll be down in a few minutes. Knowing Anna, she'll want to be ten minutes early."

David nodded, already knowing that. Anna never arrived anywhere late. She was punctual and hated it when people made her wait.

As expected, she arrived downstairs a few minutes later. David's breath caught in his throat as he saw her. Anna was wearing a beautiful emerald dress, her hair curled and her small feet covered in a pair of killer heels. Damn. He felt his cock twitch in his pants, coming to life at the sight of her.

"David," she smiled, her voice sweet as always. Almost twenty-two and still naïve as ever, David thought. Even after all these weeks Anna still didn't have a clue he lusted after her.

"You look absolutely breathtaking, Sweet Cakes," David smirked charmingly, using the pet name he created for her in junior high. Somehow it stuck even after all those years.

"Thanks," Anna mumbled softly, her cheeks a rosy color. She looked too damn adorable when she blushed.

"I'm taking you to the restaurant," David informed her. "I hate knowing you'll be alone in your car in the dark." The lie sounded pretty solid. David would've almost believed it himself if he didn't know any better.

"You don't have to do that," Anna quickly dismissed, her cheeks still pink.

"Honestly, it's no trouble," David insisted.

"This isn't some diabolical plan my brother made up, is it?" she asked suspiciously.

At her question, David burst into laughter. "Missed you, Cakes," he mumbled between laughs.

Anna gave him a wary look before a smile finally broke loose. "You can drive me as long as you promise to stay in the car when we arrive," she compromised. Smart girl, David thought proudly. She didn't just accept any offer, but actually thought it through.

"Deal," he agreed, holding out his hand for her to shake it. Tentatively she laid her hand in his and slowly shook it. He could barely feel her grip, it was so gentle.

Letting go of her hand, David smirked and opened the front door. "Your carriage awaits, my lady," he announced. Anna laughed, the throaty sound going straight to David's groin. Damn it.

As she walked out the door and headed to his car, David belatedly realized that it was the first time he'd ever held a door open for a woman.

*end of flashback*

The hours that followed after David dropped Anna off at the restaurant had been pure torment and anguish. He'd been so damn jealous. The relief that she arrived back home before midnight and didn't stay the night with the guy had been so enormous, he immediately ran downstairs to welcome her home.

Acting all innocent, he'd asked her about her date. His relief only intensified when she told him it was a complete disaster. The guy was so absorbed with himself he'd barely asked Anna any questions and only told stories about himself. Suffice to say, Anna didn't like it.

Before David could ask her out himself, however, Rebecca walked into the hall to greet her daughter. The woman's arrival probably couldn't have come at a better time. David had been pretty close to losing his mind and using his charm on Anna. Seeing his opportunity, he'd used the moment to flee the room and go back upstairs.

That night he laid awake thinking about Anna in that beautiful emerald dress, the dress he'd gladly have ripped off her body to uncover the beauty that was hidden underneath.

* flash back *

"David," she mumbled, her lips trembling as her hands clutched his shirt. David stared down at her widened eyes, both shock and anger coursing through his veins.

"What happened? What's wrong?" he asked quickly, pulling Anna into his arms. The moment her small frame hit his chest she burst into tears. David soothingly rubbed her back as anger rose inside of him. Whoever made his girl cry was going to pay.

He'd been walking after her like a lost puppy for months now. He would've been sickened by his own behavior if he hadn't come to the conclusion he loved her. Keeping his promise to Jack, he kept his 'paws' off Anna. That didn't mean he wasn't close to her. Since his homecoming, he became great friends with Anna – entirely platonic. She probably was his first female friend ever. David usually stripped women of their panties before a week passed after their meeting.

Anna was different. He still wanted to fuck her so damn bad, yet he cared enough about her to keep it in his pants. Honestly, he was probably doing the both of them a favor. He wasn't boyfriend material. He'd screw up, which meant he'd hurt Anna and that was something that couldn't happen. He'd never want to hurt his sweet Anna.

When the tears finally subdued, she whispered, "It's Molly." David had to refrain from bursting into laughter, the tension leaving his limbs as relief washed over him. Molly. Anna was crying over Molly, her black cat. No one hurt her. She was just being Anna.

"What's wrong with Molly?" he asked softly after taking a few deep breaths to keep himself from laughing hysterically.

"Someone ran her over this morning and drove away. They didn't even stop to see if she was still alive. Just left her to die. Luckily Ms. Hudson saw what happened and immediately called dad. He's bringing Molly to the vet," Anna explained when her body finally stopped shaking. She pulled back slightly and looked up into his eyes, sadness shining in hers.

"Molly will be okay. She's strong just like her owner," David stated, wiping the last remnants of tears away and pressing a feather light kiss against Anna's temple.

"I can't lose her, David. I can't," Anna whispered, her lips trembling again.

"You won't," David promised as he wrapped his arms back around her middle and pulled her into the safety of his arms.

Anna nodded against his chest, before throwing her arms around his neck and hooking her legs around his hips. David had to refrain from groaning when her center collided with his groin, his erection immediately jumping to life. Anna was so far gone, completely lost in her thoughts, she probably didn't even notice the position they were currently in.

"Sweet Cakes, as much as I love that you're clinging to me for dear life, I'm afraid this position is not good for my libido," David grunted, one of his hands firmly pressed against Anna's backside, while his other arm was wrapped around her middle.

"Oops," Anna mumbled shyly, her cheeks bright red, as she loosened her legs from around his waist and slowly let her feet drop to the floor. She acted so shy and naïve, David wondered for a moment if she was still a virgin. "I'm sorry," she apologized quickly.

"No reason to be sorry, Sweet Cakes," David grinned. "It wasn't like I wasn't enjoying myself." Anna blushed again, looking at her feet before closing her eyes. David brushed a loosened strand of hair back behind her ear, letting his finger slide against her soft skin.

Blinking her eyes open, Anna looked him straight in the eye. David's breath halted when he read the pure and unaltered want in her gaze. It hit him with such force that for a moment he was left entirely speechless. He hadn't seen that look in her eyes for years, not since he turned her down in his senior year because he didn't want to cause trouble in their family. Truthfully, he'd forgotten about that moment. How could he forget his Sweet Cakes had tried to kiss him years ago?

Ready to leave for college, David had quickly pushed her away and turned her down. They'd always been close, but he hadn't wanted to create a fuss. He knew neither Jack or her father would be happy if the two of them started something together.

"David," Anna whispered breathlessly, her voice a few octaves lower. David groaned, no longer in control of his emotions or his body before he forcefully brought his mouth down on hers. Anna whimpered, her hands disappearing in his hair as she willingly opened her lips for David's tongue to enter her wet cavern.

Another groan left David's lips as Anna pulled at his hair, his hormones spinning out of control. Weeks, no months, he'd longed to have her right here, in his arms. No fantasy could compare to the reality. She was heaven, pure and utter bliss.

*end of flashback*

David smiled, remembering how his girl clung to him. He'd never dared to dream she'd long for him as much as he longed for her. A few days after their heavy make out session, Anna admitted she'd been waiting for David to finally kiss her. Even when he was away at college, she'd kept harboring the hope that one day he'd see her as a woman instead of a girl.

There never had been competition. Anna gladly admitted she'd been in love with him for years. David felt like a complete moron when she told him. No longer able to fight his growing feelings for her, he asked her on a date. It was safe to say not everyone was happy when they heard the news.


"You asshole!" Jack cried out, his fist swinging in the air. David ducked just in time before it would collide with his face. "How dare you? I told you to stay away from her. You bastard!"

"Jack!" Anna cried, sounding terrified. "Jack, please, stop!" Not able to listen to the anguishing sounds Anna was making, David pushed his best friend against the wall and took hold of his arms. They'd been sparring for a while. David knew he'd easily beat his friend, but he felt like Jack deserved to take a few swings. After all, David had in fact broken his promise.

"Stop it, man. You're scaring your sister," David bellowed. A few hits he could take, but someone scaring Anna? Not so much.

All of a sudden, Jack stopped moving and looked over David's shoulder at Anna who was currently crying her eyes out, a stream of tears rolling down her cheeks. "Baby sis," Jack whispered, sounding broken.

Anna furiously shook her head, turned around and ran upstairs. David had to give it to her, she had spunk. She was going to make her brother earn getting back in her good graces.

The room stayed quiet for a while, the only sound the heavy breathing of both men. "You care about her," Jack stated after a few minutes, sounding surprised.

"You really think I'd get involved with your sister if I didn't at least care about her? I love her, man, have for a long time," David admitted.

"You love her?" Jack repeated, stupefied.

"I love her," David agreed. He'd expected it would feel weird to admit his feelings for Anna, instead it felt freeing. He'd been denying what he really wanted for too long.

"You're not just going to screw her over?"

"You know I won't, Jack. I'd never do something like that, not to you, not to your family and certainly not to her. Anna's the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm not going to let her get away. I tried to fight my feelings for her, but I no longer can," David confessed. Part of him felt a little embarrassed he was talking about his feelings like that. He was a man after all. But his friend needed to be certain David's intentions were honest.

"If you ever hurt her…"

"You'll have my balls," David interrupted. "I know, man. I'll even serve them on a platter for you."

*End flashback*

That was the moment Jack accepted David and Anna's relationship. He was nothing but supportive after their fight. It had been a huge weight lifted from David's shoulders. Jack was his best friend. It would've sucked big time if he couldn't forgive David for breaking his promise.

The year that followed had been pure bliss. David's relationship with Anna blossomed and he even asked her to marry him. He'd never thought he'd willingly put a ring on a woman's finger, but he'd done it without blinking. Nothing would've made him happier than making Anna his officially.


"I can't believe we're officially married," Anna admitted, smiling brightly as she stared into David's eyes.

"You better start believing it, wife of mine, because it's true," David grinned, pulling Anna into his arms and twirling her through the honeymoon suite.

"David!" she shrieked, laughing loudly. As he dropped her on the bed, a mischievous twinkle crossed Anna's eyes. "We still have to consummate our marriage," she winked.

"That we will," David agreed, smiling lovingly at his wife. She was finally his. After staying away from her for entirely too long, she was finally his. It was more than he ever dreamed possible.

"I love you, honey," she whispered, her fingertips trailing over his freshly shaved jaw.

"I love you, too, Sweet Cakes," he told her with conviction before pressing his lips against hers.

*end of flashback*

That night they didn't just consummate their marriage, they also created a new life. It wasn't until much later they found out, but they were happy nonetheless. Anna had always wanted a big family, so why not start early? David hadn't minded it one bit when she told him she was pregnant. Quite the opposite actually, he'd been ecstatic.

Their parents worried it was too soon, but neither of them shared their opinion. David was fresh out of school and just started his job, Anna still had two years of college left. Against her parents' wishes, she decided to stop her studies and concentrate on her pregnancy. She promised them she'd take a few online classes once the baby was born.

Officer Hamilton and Rebecca were not happy, but they eventually accepted Anna's choice when they saw how happy she was. Anna was literally counting the days until their baby would finally be born.


"David? Oh shit! David! I think my water just broke!" Anna screamed loudly. David immediately dropped the towel he'd been using to dry the dishes and ran into the living room. Anna was standing in the middle of the room, her face pale as she stared at the puddle of water next to her feet.

"David?" she whispered, her eyes still glued to the floor.

"It's going to be okay, sweet cakes," David reassured her, stepping closer and taking her face in his hands. "You'll do great," he assured. He knew she was afraid of what would come. No matter how much Anna looked forward to finally holding their baby in her arms, she was terrified of the delivery.

"What if I screw up?" she asked worriedly, her eyes wide.

"Sweet Cakes, you're not the first woman to deliver a baby. It'll be okay. We're going to be okay," David told her before pressing a soft peck against her lips.

"I'll put your suitcase in the trunk," he said as he pulled back. Anna nodded, her eyes focused on the Christmas tree in the corner.

"Our baby is going to be born on Christmas day," she whispered, a huge smile breaking free across her features. David nodded, smiling. Christmas always had been Anna's favorite holiday. Their entire house was decorated with tiny Christmas trees and lights.

"Special like his or her mommy," David grinned. They still didn't know the sex of the baby. Anna wanted it to be a surprise.

Anna smiled, blushing. It was a wonder she still got embarrassed when David complimented her. She could be entirely too cute sometimes. "Love you, honey," she told him.

"Love you, too, Sweet Cakes," David said, pressing a quick peck against her temple before heading to the bedroom to get Anna's suitcase.

*end of flashback*

They'd been so happy, ready to finally hold their tiny bundle of joy in their arms. David still remembered Anna's bright smile when her eyes focused on the Christmas tree. Their little angel couldn't have chosen a better moment to decide he/she wanted out.


"Fuck," Anna cursed loudly. "David, I don't think I can do this," she panted as another contraction started, her hands gripping the handrail of the car. Puffing she tried to control the pain, but David could see his wife was having difficulties breathing.

"Sweet Cakes, we're almost there," David replied hurriedly, his eyes focused on the icy road as he tried to get his wife to the hospital as soon as he possibly could. Snow had started to fall a few days before and most of the roads were covered in white.

"Honey," Anna whimpered, one of her hands clutching her stomach as the other gripped the handrail tightly.

David looked aside and gave his wife a reassuring smile. "It'll be okay, Sweet Cakes. Just think of the baby. In a few hours you'll finally see our little bundle of joy," he told her.

Anna nodded, smiling back before she turned her head and looked outside. "David! Look out!" she cried out loudly. Before David had the time to turn his head the car swerved off the road. Pain hit his side as they were smashed against a bunch of trees, the car toppling over. The last sound he heard before everything turned black was Anna's agonizing scream.

*End of flashback*

David would never forget the sound. If he hadn't turned his head to the side to look at Anna, he would've seen that curve. He would've been able to keep the car in control and on the road. Instead he killed his wife. He crashed their car and took away his wife's life.

A guilt so strong had wreaked havoc with his mind and body. For days they had to keep him sedated. He'd been so far gone, he hadn't even asked if his child survived the crash. He'd been too absorbed with the pain of losing his wife. Anna passed away two hours after the car toppled over. She'd been conscious when the ambulance arrived and recovered her body from the wreck. Sadly, her body had been too severely injured to survive a crash like that.

"Daddy? Can we go to grandma's party now?" a sweet little voice asked. David looked aside to see his daughter eagerly pulling at his sleeve, her eyes wide with excitement. "She bought me a whole lot of presents!"

Magically, the doctors had been able to save their little girl. She'd been so strong. The doctors called her a true miracle. Anna kept fighting long enough to give birth to her daughter before she passed away. Once Emilie was born, the fight left his wife and Anna's heart stopped beating. David couldn't have been more proud.

The first weeks after Anna's death had been rough. He could barely sleep for more than a few minutes at a time and he felt so extremely guilty he couldn't bear to look at his daughter, the spitting image of her mother. It had taken some serious counseling before he'd finally gotten passed her death. Still, after three years, he was far from over her. He didn't think he could ever love a woman like he'd loved Anna.

"Of course, sweetie. Say goodbye to your momma," David told his daughter, picking Emilie up from the ground and holding her in his arms.

"Bye, momma. Merry Christmas," Emilie whispered as she waved her tiny hand. "Can we go to grandma to open my presents now? I'm getting birthday presents and Christmas presents!"

"Aren't you a lucky girl?" David grinned, placing a soft peck against his daughter's temple.

Anna might be gone, but she'd always live on in her daughter. Emilie didn't just share Anna's looks, she was just as smart and loving as her mommy. David would forever have a piece of Anna living inside of his little girl. It wasn't the same, but it was what kept him going nevertheless. He'd never imagined he'd be able to survive without Anna by his side, but his daughter gave him the strength to keep moving. She was the reason he woke up every morning and tried to make the best out of a seriously fucked up situation. She was his reason to live.


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