It was January. John and Garrett were doing better, as was my family. I was teetering between breaking down and falling apart. But otherwise, I was okay.
"Dad?" I whispered that morning, the sun shining happily. For most, the sun was our natural heat source. For me at that very moment, it was something to make people that were happy generally happier, and punish the severely depressed. I was punished right now. Badly punished. But it was also a sign that I had somehow survived the night (I had a fear of the dark).
"Yea?" He answered, wondering if it was about his new job. I knew what he was thinking from the look in his eyes.
"What about the funeral for Lily?" I asked. My mom stared at my dad, wondering the same thing. So did my brother.
"You expected me to keep a dead dog for this long?"
Everyone stared at him before he laughed harder. "You DID! Oh my God you guys are idiots!"
I ran out of the house to Garrett's again and began crying. When my dad came to pick me up, Garrett glared at him.
"No way!" He growled. "You lied to 3 heartbroken preteens and your family!" Garrett hugged me. "Apologize." I hid behind Garrett, clutching to him as they screamed at each other, my dad cursing, and Garrett screaming insults, eventually saying, "You are a horrible father. You lied to your family and you lied to me."
My dad stopped. He stared at the confident boy from his point of view. He couldn't believe it. Even I could see it.
My dad apologized to me, Garrett, my mom, John, and Carlos.
I went home. I wanted to punch my dad in the face. I wanted to scream at him and throw him down a well. Because Garrett was right. He was right about my dad. He lied to me. He lied to Garrett, to John, to Carlos, to my mom…I couldn't believe what Garrett said. His confidence probably saved me. I've tried to do that every day and I fail…it didn't matter. I still wanted to scream and throw him down a well just so he knew how it felt.
But I didn't. I just cried in my room, fought Ms Brasher, and did all that stuff.
I wanted to die at that very moment in time. I wanted to die and be with Lily again, to stop being bullied by my teacher and by other kids who didn't know, didn't understand.
They would never understand.
Meanwhile, John was holding back everything to keep from strangling my dad. I could tell. His eyes not only showed it, but his body language. All of our grades plummeted. I struggled more than I should've. She was my baby.
She was all of our babies.
And we had lost her.
But it was all my fault.
It was my fault. I had found her. Of all people, I did. I didn't scream for them to take her to the hospital...I didn't save her. I should've. She was my baby. I let my baby die.
I began sobbing in class. Thinking about it just killed me inside. "TORI SHUT UP! I'M TEACHING!" Ms Brasher hissed. Garrett hugged me and flipped her off. I just continued crying, trembling in his arms. She sent us out to the hall (again). I screamed and kept crying…
It was my fault she was gone, my fault I was in this position.