DISCLAIMER: So I was looking on my flash drive for any random stories I could post and I found this... What the hell did I write? I'm so confused... This is so random and no plot that I can't help but laugh my ass off. I don't think I can write a summary about this cause it's so random... Hopefully it will give everyone a good laugh.
It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Yuki Winters, woke up in a swamp. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling barely exasperated, Yuki Winters backhanded a ninja star, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Giggling like schoolgirl, she realized that her beloved Banana was missing! Immediately she called her lover, Akihiro Ochida. Yuki Winters had known Akihiro Ochida for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Akihiro Ochida was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... insensitive. Yuki Winters called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Akihiro Ochida picked up to a very nervous Yuki Winters. Akihiro Ochida calmly assured her that most Indonesian devil cats belch before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually scandalously yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Yuki Winters. Why was Akihiro Ochida trying to distract Yuki Winters? Because he had snuck out from Yuki Winters's with the Banana only ten days prior. It was a striking little Banana... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Yuki Winters got back to the subject at hand: her Banana. Akihiro Ochida yawned. Relunctantly, Akihiro Ochida invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Banana. Yuki Winters grabbed her time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Akihiro Ochida realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Banana and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Yuki Winters took the tricycle, he had take at least eight minutes before Yuki Winters would get there. But if she took the Segway? Then Akihiro Ochida would be ridiculously screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Akihiro Ochida was interrupted by seven insensitive Shih Tzus that were lured by his Banana. Akihiro Ochida belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling stunned, he fearlessly reached for his dangerous oil-soaked rag and randomly stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent-the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Segway rolling up. It was Yuki Winters.
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so she knew she was running late. With a careful leap, Yuki Winters was out of the Segway and went earnestly jaunting toward Akihiro Ochida's front door. Meanwhile inside, Akihiro Ochida was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Banana into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Akihiro Ochida was stunned but at least the Banana was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Akihiro Ochida explosively purred. With a quick push, Yuki Winters opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying self-righteous ass in a tricycle,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Akihiro Ochida assured her. Yuki Winters took a seat exotically proximate to where Akihiro Ochida had hidden the Banana. Akihiro Ochida cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Yuki Winters was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, Akihiro Ochida noticed a oafish look on Yuki Winters's face. Yuki Winters slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Akihiro Ochida felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Yuki Winters asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Banana right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on Yuki Winters's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Yuki Winters nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Akihiro Ochida could react, Yuki Winters thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Banana was plainly in view.
Yuki Winters stared at Akihiro Ochida for what what must've been three minutes. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Akihiro Ochida groped wildly in Yuki Winters's direction, clearly desperate. Yuki Winters grabbed the Banana and bolted for the door. It was locked. Akihiro Ochida let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Yuki Winters,' he rebuked. Akihiro Ochida always had been a little insensitive, so Yuki Winters knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Akihiro Ochida did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at her or something. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, she gripped her Banana tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Akihiro Ochida looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Yuki Winters. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Yuki Winters. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Akihiro Ochida walked over to the window and looked down. Yuki Winters was gone.
Just yonder, Yuki Winters was struggling to make her way through the lemur-infested moor behind Akihiro Ochida's place. Yuki Winters had severely hurt her double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Shih Tzus suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Banana. One by one they latched on to Yuki Winters. Already weakened from her injury, Yuki Winters yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Shih Tzus running off with her Banana.
But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Yuki Winters's Banana. Feeling stunned, God smote the Shih Tzus for their injustice. Then He got in His magic flying carpet and whizzed away with the fortitude of 11,000 man-eating capybaras running from a bloated pack of venomous koalas. Yuki Winters tripped with joy when she saw this. Her Banana was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in nine minutes her favorite TV show, Two and half men, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When South American hissing sloths meet ebola'). Yuki Winters was relieved. And so, everyone except Akihiro Ochida and a few rusty razor blade-toting disease-carrying chipmunks lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Or is it?