I look out the window to my kingdom – I enjoy my usual entertainment with the flying food feeding themselves so they get nice and plump. There's some large furry food running around gathering nuts and climbing on trees. Ah, it's nice to be such a benevolent king – if I weren't, all that food would be in my tummy, but then what would I entertain myself with? The human... yes, the human. She always brings stuff into my house. Sometimes the things are boring – a bunch of green plants that she puts in her mouth – perhaps it's food for humans but it doesn't look like food to me. Sometimes she brings food, chickens and steaks and the yummy stinky tuna in a can. While she's opening the can, sometimes I pretend I'm a wild tiger and the tuna is a big land-fish and I crouch down and pretend I'm going to pounce, and then I forget about it because the yummy stinkyness is in a bowl next to me, Yum!
Sometimes she brings even more fun stuff. Things on a string, crunchy paper, and boxes. Although sometimes a man just comes to the door and brings me a box. I think he's what the human calls Santa Claus because who else would bring me such nice things. I love the boxes. Whoever invented boxes should get a lot of awards. Boxes are truly the best thing (even better with crunchy paper inside). Some are good to sit in and relax. Some are big enough for me to hide in and play peek-a-boo. And then there are those big boxes with the tops that I can play hide and seek in, they have openings like those arrow slits in medieval castles that are perfect for my clawing pleasure. Did I mention boxes taste nice? Not food nice, but nice enough to chew on.
But today is different. Today there's some white stuff falling outside. I didn't order the white stuff, then again, sometimes I get intruders in my kingdom. There's a mean old cat that taunts me. One day, when my army is big enough, I will declare war, but for now all I can do is mark my territory so he knows he's trespassing. There's also drops of water that intrude. I ask the human to make them go away but she's either lazy or dumb because they just continue falling and falling. Kind of like this white stuff. Curious, I ask to go outside. I try to catch the stuff but it disappears as soon as I bat it.
My paw is wet! Wet! How did my paw get wet? This white stuff is clearly malevolent but I'm still fascinated by it. I go inside for a while and watch it fall. It continues for a while but it doesn't disappear on the ground like it does on my paws. It covers it, like a big giant white blanket. It looks cozy. I ask to go outside again. It's wet! And cold! My paws are wet! My fur is wet! Evil, this white stuff is evil! But I'm too curious, so I dig into it. It isn't a blanket and it isn't cozy. I get to the bottom until I see the wood of my deck. I'd get rid of all of it but it's too cold and I'm wet. I'll order the human to do it, and to make it warm while she's at it.
She picks me up and dries me with the towel. I don't like towels, the remind me of baths. I shudder at the very thought. And I don't like being picked up. I yell in protest. It's nice to not be so wet but I can't let her get away with things like that.
I'm exhausted now. The intruding white stuff is still falling but I haven't the strength to fight it. The outside food doesn't seem to mind, they fly around in it. It doesn't fall in my house though. That would be the ultimate insult, that would make me have to fight. But I can let it fall outside for now. My eyelids are getting heavy. I'm lying on my cosy blanket on my warm bed. The human lies next to me and rubs my belly. I purr in contentment. The white stuff may be weird and evil but I still have everything that matters.