I sighed, leaning back in the hard, wooden chair of the café. I'd done what I could with my limited resources and technical knowledge, but there was nothing human about the condition of the soil. The soil samples I'd collected from the area didn't react to the acids I was exposing them to the way that they were reacting to whatever was in the ground. I kneaded my temples and let out a deep breath.

I knew that there were ways of poisoning a certain radius with supernatural energies, but it wasn't something that was commonly practiced post-colonization. The humans called it magic and practicing "magic" was a surefire way to get burnt at the stake so it had faded out of supernatural culture long ago, save for the witches and other ancient races who didn't quite interact with humans on the same level as weres did.

To be honest, though, I'd expected something like this to happen. In the moment in which I most desperately needed to avoid my wolf, I also most desperately needed to access it. Magic didn't leave much of a discernible trace and weres weren't ever really directly involved in it, so the only way I'd be able to tell what's up would be to literally sniff it out.

"Hey, Reagan?" I looked up, meeting eyes with one of the café's workers.

"Hey, Mel. What's up?" She leaned forward, beginning to sort the papers sprawled over the table.

"I think you really need to see this," Mel said, shaking as she handed a newspaper to me. Brows furrowed, I accepted the paper and looked down.

I stopped breathing.

"That's me," I whispered, pointing at the picture. "But why?" It felt as if the gears in my brain had stopped turning and I could only focus on the photo. I looked like a massive dork. My hair was in a curly mess and I was grinning from ear to ear underneath a bright yellow umbrella. Lily, my desk mate, was cropped out of the photo.

"Yeah, but I think you need to pay attention to the giant 'Missing' written above your face," she pointed out.

My eyes widened, breath painfully absent. "Fuck."

University of Oregon scholar and graduate student missing. She was last seen several days ago leaving the University for a weekend trip. Colleagues say that her absence is completely out of character.

"She loves her job," L. Higgins, coworker said. "When she didn't come in to work, reply to emails, or pick up the phone, I dropped by her apartment to make sure she was okay. Her apartment was torn to pieces. We know she has distant family in the area, but none of her school records have any information on them. We love her like family, and we just want to get her back."

Reagan Lee is approximately 5'4", of Native American descent, and has black hair and brown eyes. If you have any information, please call the number below.

I breathed in as soon as I finished the article. I surveyed the café. The only two other occupants were completely absorbed in their own world. I handed the newspaper back to the girl and feverishly began to stuff my papers into my bag.

"I'm going to leave, like, right now," I told her, a single tear developing in my right eye. It grew, but by pure willpower alone I managed to keep it from falling.

"Are you alright? Does the Alpha know about this?" Mel asked, her brow furrowed in concern. "Do you need help?" She moved to put her hand on my shoulder, but though better of it when she saw the hysterics start to develop on my face.

I gave her a weak smile as I picked up the last of my stuff. "He knows. It's, uh, the entire reason I'm in your pack. I didn't expect for the news to follow me this far." The single tear fell as more came in behind it. I kept my head down, unwilling to make eye contact. "I guess my friends were better than I knew. I'm going to leave out of the back, just in case."

In seconds, I was gone and the back door to the café swung shut with a thud. I bee-lined for the trees, walking several meters deep, until I collapsed to my knees in the snow and let the tears fall.

I felt nothing. Sadness didn't pierce my heart, longing didn't pull at me, but a strong, cold, empty wind rattled through my chest. I'd only just introduced myself to the pack the night before. I'd made Himi promise not to tell anyone who didn't absolutely need to know what I was up against. And now, with something like this, the entire pack was going to know that there was something wrong with me. That I wasn't there as a productive addition to the pack, but as a shivering, scared refugee begging for help without any method of repayment.

I had no one to blame but myself. My coworkers had no idea what was going on with me. They were so deeply concerned that they'd managed to reach outside of Oregon in their search for me. I remained on my knees in the snow until it had melted into my jeans and I couldn't really feel my toes any longer. Whether I liked it or not I was going to have to confront the harsh realities of my situation, a situation I'd attempted to ignore until now.

With a resigned sigh, I pulled myself to my feet, picked up my bag, and began the long trek through the woods back to Himi's home.

I stomped the snow off of my boots at the hearth extra loud. There was some conversation going on in the house and I wasn't in the mood to eavesdrop. I moved into the house, dropping my bag instantly and stepping out of my massive coat.

The house had gone quiet, but I could hear the breathing of a few bodies in the kitchen. "Himi?" He needed to know, sooner rather than later. Heavy footsteps sounded as he made his way to the foyer.

I raised my gaze to meet his, my heart skipping a beat. There was something so effortless and enchanting about the way that his hair settled on his shoulders and his eyes focused in on me like I was the only wolf in the world. "Early morning?" he asked.

I blushed, remembering the event of the night before, and offered a weak smile. "Yeah." I pulled my mittens off and shoved them into the pockets of my coat before hanging it up. "Look, I've got to tell you something."

"Is that Reagan?" a voice called out. The woman from the night before, Sky, appeared from behind Himi. I struggled to keep the smile on my face. I offered a slight wave, suddenly remembering the giant bags I had under my eyes from weeping. I was glad I hadn't managed to take my scarf off yet, instead fidgeting and pulling it up.

"The one and only," I replied, weakly.

"I'm Sky," the woman said, extending her hand. "It's so nice to meet you!" You're an alpha now, Reagan, fucking act like it, I told myself as she grasped my hand in hers and made eye contact.

"Nice to meet you, too," I replied, bitter that she decided to visit as I was possibly the saddest and broken as I ever had been. It didn't help that Sky seemed to be a full foot taller than I was. I felt so weak, so small, and really, really wanted to hide. Too bad I really couldn't.

I looked to Himi. "I've really got talk to you."

Himi furrowed his brow. "Are you alright?"

"If it's nothing serious, we're making cookies with the girl in the kitchen right now. You're welcome to join," Sky offered with a wide smile.

I raised a hand to scratch the back of my head. "It's pretty serious. Thanks for the offer, though."

"Sky, can you take care of her for a bit?" he asked, gesturing to the kitchen. Sky's eyes lit up, and nodded before heading back into the house. Refocusing on me, Himi towards his office and I trudged along behind him. He closed his office door, gesturing to the chair in front of the desk for me. I was too upset to sit, opting to stand like the anxious mess I was before him.

I knew he didn't mean to make me feel small, but I was feeling particularly vulnerable that day and the formality of the desk between us didn't help. Sky seemed nice and she enjoyed being around Himi's girl. She was pretty and tall and a born alpha. Scott used to tell me that I had an alpha's personality stuffed into an omega's body, but I'd never felt more like an omega than as an alpha.

"What's going on? You seem…" Himi trailed off, unsure of the right word to use. Shit? Miserable? Withdrawn? Probably hideous? More, less forgiving, options ran through my head.

"Do you want the terrible news or the still kind of bad but not as terrible news first?" I asked, meeting Himi's gaze.

Worry was evident on his face. "First of all, are you okay? You were gone this morning." My face flushed, and my voice caught in my throat. "This isn't about last night, is it?" I snapped up to look at him, the defeat in his voice saturating the room.

"No! No no no! Oh my god no!" I babbled, the words falling out of my mouth in a jumble. "That has literally been the only good thing to happen to me in, like, a week." Way to play it cool, numbskull, I thought as soon as the words came out of my mouth. Himi's face visibly softened, most of the worry smoothed out.

"We need to talk about that," he said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the desk.

I nodded. "Definitely, but can I tell you the news first?"

"Start with the worst news, then."

"I'm missing," I blurted out. Himi's face remained blank. "Publicly," I added.

"What exactly does that mean?" he asked, his voice hesitant.

"My face was plastered on the front page of the newspaper with the words missing in big, bold, black letters right above my pearly whites." Himi closed his eyes, and furrowed his brow. "Yeah I know, fuck me right?" I didn't know why I got like this when I was stressed. I couldn't very easily cry in front of people, so I just kind of laughed instead. "I should tell your pack what's up before this spirals out of control."

"Our pack," Himi muttered before opening his eyes again. "You are one of us now and I want you to know that. You don't have to exist separately anymore."

"Okay you say that, but within a few hours the entire pack will think that I'm a fugitive or something and they're going to want answers," I replied. My voice was shaky, lilting in tune with the laughter that wouldn't stop bubbling up. I looked down at my hands, clasped so tightly together that my knuckles were turning white.

"Reagan, look at me," Himi commanded. I complied. "You don't have to answer any questions that you're not comfortable with. I am their Alpha and I invited you into our pack. That will be enough for them." My chest felt like it would burst as I took in a deep breath. The cold wind in my ribcage still blew, but I was beginning to feel warmth in my limbs again.

"Won't they resent me, though? What if they think I'm just using you for protection?" I mumbled. "How can they understand?" I shrank into myself even more, my elbows so tucked into my body that they were jabbing into my sides, striving to become the smallest version of myself possible.

"If you were using us I highly doubt you would have bonded with us for eternity. They will know that. You are under my protection and if they wish to push their luck they will push their luck with me." I nodded. Himi stood from his chair and walked around the desk. He held his arms out in an unspoken invitation, cautious so as to allow me to make up my own mind. As soon as I understood what he was offering, however, I quickly fell into Himi's arms and allowed him to wrap me in them. A hand ran through my hair, stroking my scalp softly as I buried my face, tears beginning to run, into his chest.

"What you went through was a deeply personal experience, Reagan," Himi assured me. "You don't need to justify it to anyone else. We are pack and we welcome you with open arms."

We stayed like that for a few moments until Himi's shirt had two very visible wet spots from where I'd been crying. "I'm sorry," I mumbled with a small smile. "It looks like you're lactating."

Himi placed a gentle kiss on my forehead as I pulled away. "Maybe I have been." I laughed and sniffled a little bit, rubbing away my tears with the edge of my sweatshirt. "What was your other news?"

"Oh yeah!" I nearly shouted, happy to have something else to talk about. I couldn't help but remain fixated on the details of what I'd gone through. The memory of the agony and of the time I spent healing seemed to haunt me in my every waking and non-waking moment. I was desperately hoping it would fade with time, but there just hadn't been enough time. Everything still felt so raw and fresh, like a new burn where every time you moved your skin you could feel the mending flesh pull taut and break.

"Your soil problem is definitively non-human," I assured him.

Himi raised a brow. "As in?"

"It's not caused by pollution or non-supernaturally occurring chemical reactions. Your land is, from all angles and for all intents and purposes, completely healthy. If you had a human surveyor come in and look at it, they'd find absolutely nothing wrong." I rushed through the words, allowing them to spill forward, desperate to change the topic.

"Then what's causing the land to wilt?" Himi asked.

I took a deep breath. "I have no clue. The pack I grew up in didn't practice magic so I'm not entirely sure where to start looking from here."

"We don't practice any sort of magic, though," Himi replied.

My brows knit together in confusion. "Do any nearby packs practice?" Himi shook his head no. "And there are absolutely no covens with grudges nearby?" Another no. "And there are no ancient beasts roaming through Idaho?" Himi shook his head again.

"We're the only nonhumans for about a hundred miles," he responded.

I let out a breath. "I might know a way to figure out what's up then."

"What's that?" Himi asked.

"I need you to do me a favor if I'm going to do this, though," I warned, looking up at him. I wrung my fingers together, fidgeting. "I'm going to have to shift."

"I don't understand," he replied, giving me a confused look, "what's the favor?"

I let out a nervous laugh, scratching my arm and looking down. I was a walking, breathing ball of anxiety and shame. I'd betrayed direct wishes of the Goddess and spat in the face of her Will. There was a good chance that she would want a word, to put it gently. I was going to need her Gifts to find the source of the death slowly creeping through the land, and I doubt she'd be too happy about that after I'd outwardly called her a bitch more than a few times in the past few days.

"I… uh… I might need you to force me to shift back."

AN: *does a tap jazz number* I'm back! It's been almost 2 years since I last updated, I know, but I've been dying locked up in engineering school. It's a major creative drain. I'm taking some advice and trying to make time to do the things that I love to do! I'll admit that I've kind of lost track with this story, so I reread it twice and now I'm taking it in the direction that I feel is appropriate now, which honestly I don't think is that far from where I left last time. Please forgive me for any small mistakes I might make with some of the details I hammered out in the first part of the story. I'm trying my best, but I can't remember everything.

Also, thank you all for your lovely and continued support. I'm not sure I would have continued this story if I hadn't had such sweet reviews.