I wanted you to stop. I didn't want you to murder people. I didn't want you to get caught. To be taken away from me. It was bound to happen if you didn't stop. But I was scared. I was terrified. I was scared shitless. Too terrified that you'd turn cold and run away again, so I didn't say anything. At the cost of other people's lives, I didn't say anything. Didn't try to change you. You were too precious to me to lose. In a way, I was selfish. Deeply selfish. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be with you, even if you murdered people. Even if you ended up killing me. Death at your hands was more favorable than your disappearance. But right now I was confined to a hospital bed. And you were nowhere to be seen. Agony raced through my heart, encasing it, beating it up, torturing it. Was this my punishment for my selfishness? Would we never be together? Were you and I not meant to be together? I closed my eyes against the burning liquid threatening to spill, my heart turning to ice-cold stone, growing bigger and bigger, shoving against the walls of my chest, preventing breathing, life. Loneliness rushed through my veins, my very soul. I couldn't explain why, but I loved you. I couldn't live without you. I desperately needed you. Friends told me that you're bad for me. That you'll be my downfall. That you'll be the death of me. They tried to separate us. They tried to pull me away from you. But they didn't know you. You were ineffable. I didn't care what they say. What they do. I knew that they were looking out for me. That they were trying to help. That they could very well be right. But I didn't pay them any heed. I was in love with you. I couldn't live without you. I just couldn't. You might not understand this─I didn't either─but you were my heart, my life. I couldn't live without my life.
Then, the door opened, revealing you. You walked into the room and relief came crashing down on me like a tidal wave. A light sensation lifted me up, euphoria soaring through my veins, momentarily making me forget the pain I was in. Unspeakable joy rushed through my very soul. You were here. That was enough to make my day. My month. My year. My life. You sat down on the white chair next to the bed. You opened your mouth and uttered softly, guilt heavily coating your indescribably beautiful face. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I whispered, hoping to make you feel better. Hoping you'll believe me. I knew you regretted injuring me. You didn't mean to. Suddenly, my brain registered the pain again. An overwhelming wave of agony came crashing down on me like a tsunami, piercing through my side, my eye, my cheek, my neck. Areas of my body where you hit me. But I didn't loathe you for it. Didn't blame you for it. I knew you couldn't help it. The bloodlust in you was a powerful thing. Unable to be controlled. Then, I saw tears beading up in your beautiful hazel eyes. Pain worse than what I already was feeling constricted my chest, my heart, fracturing them into itty-bitty pieces, destroying them. You were crying so I felt like crying. You were hurt. So I was hurt. I felt your pain. Your pain was my pain. When you hurt, I hurt too. I loved you. I didn't want you to be sad. To feel guilty. I was okay. I really was. I didn't want a tinge of melancholy to touch you. You were a miracle to me. You brought light into my world. No. You were the light. As well as the darkness. You made me needed. To be needed is the most ineffable feeling in the world. You gave meaning to my life. You gave me a reason to live. You made my life worth living. For that, I loved you. I loved you, Ellie. And I would stop at nothing to make you understand that. Despite the agony piercing through my body, I pulled your trembling body to me, desperately wanting you to stop crying, trying to comfort in any way possible.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Perry," you whispered against my chest, tears soaking into my hospital gown.
I patted your head, stroked your hair, pressing kisses into your silky raven locks. "It's okay. I'm okay."
Your head jerked up, a flash flitting through your eyes, darkness clouding the hazel. A look simultaneously like and unlike you flashed through your eyes.
"Liar," you growled, teeth clenched together, jerking back from me, cold air rushing in between us, my heart breaking in two. I loathed any distance between us. "Liar..." Your hands turned to monstrous claws.
Then suddenly, unexpectedly, you calmed down, the darkness lifting from your eyes, tears replacing it, regret lining your voice. "I'm sorry. Sorry."
"I still love you, Ellie," I murmured, holding out my arms, pain zapping through my side. Hoping you'll believe me.
Tears streamed down your pale cheeks in thin rivulets. Relief swept through me. You did believe me. This time it didn't hurt. I knew they were happy tears. You came into my embrace and I hugged you tight, ignoring the agony rushing through my body at your weight, at my movement. You snuggled into me, causing pain to sear through my body, but I didn't protest. Didn't complain. It was worth it. I moved my head down and kissed your temple.
"I love you, Ellie."
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. A lovely present and future to you.