3:02 AM, 1-21-14

does it bother you that i become a different person at three AM or sometimes fall asleep in my makeup and wake up looking like a drag queen in a train wreck or that i cant whistle or that i like doing things i'll usually regret later or that i only dance to one song or that at parties i either drink too much and never shut up or have a nervous breakdown and cry in the bathroom and decide to go home and sleep or that sometimes i'll play the same song on repeat over and over again or that i laugh too hard too long for no reason or that i talk to myself or that i still try on the dress i wore to that one dance at school or that i sleep in my brother's old boxers or that i'm afraid of the dark or that i usually cry about fictional characters actually i just cry about everything or sometimes i won't eat anything at all or everything in the fucking place or that i spend my time trying to be poetic at four in the morning and that my typing would probably keep you awake while i'm mindlessly spitting out tasteless and acidic words through my fingers to appear on a too-bright screen that hurts my tired eyes while i listen to the heat come through the vent at the bottom of the wall across from me or that sometimes when i can't sleep i trace patterns on your skin and wonder if you can feel it or the fact that you snore, (not a lot but just enough so i know that you're there and i find it comforting like human-generated white noise) or that i get off topic so easily or that i basically despise myself or that i want you to hold my hand or shove your head between my legs or the fact that i want you to come fuck me while i'm trying to shower or the fact that i'll be ranting and raving about something or other and three seconds later hide my mouth and fingers with a sweatshirt sleeve and lay my head in your lap or that i basically think about you every waking moment does it bother you

12:59 AM, 1-25-14
I'm feeling rather sad over something that is not a big deal and I wonder what talking to you would be like right now please hold me

9:30 PM, 2-23-14
i have friends who believe that love is merely a chemical reaction of the body and that beauty is only real when you see something that makes your heart stop and i wonder if they ever really think about what they're saying and get sad like i do when i hear them say it

5:53 PM, 2-24-14
Can there be a day dedicated to laying in bed and sleeping a lot and eating cake and watching dumb movies and listening to The Smiths
I'm tired and my eyes are bloodshot and I miss you

1:22 AM, 3-9-14
One fucking fight and everything went to shit.
Sorry that for once I decided to actually try and knock some sense into you instead of throwing you a fucking pity party like I do literally every other fucking day.
Sorry that after one real argument you "know who your real friends are."
Sorry that now you'll have to run your little bitch mouth to all your fucking friends about what a fucking bitchy cunt I am.
Sorry you don't have any balls.
Sorry I apparently shattered whatever sparkling, sweet, sympathetic image you had of me in your mind.
Sorry that you "feel like you're losing your mind" and decided that the six months of fucking adoring me no longer meant anything and that you've already found some "really cool" nice girl you've been talking to for exactly two days who won't call you on your shit, you fickle fucking son of a bitch.
Sorry I'm not sorry at all.
I thought I meant more to you than that, I guess...