10:50 PM, 7-5-14
Yesterday was my birthday. I was bored and it was okay.
Oh, but the day before that, I got into a fight with a friend. I guess it was pretty bad? He told me not to bother talking to him for a few days (I'll live) and I've been watching for a text or something before I realized he's probably waiting for me to apologize to him, because I'm the one that got super pissed.
It was so dumb. We were fighting about the term "friendzone," of all things.
I hate the word friendzone.
Basically, it's a made up place where little bitch-ass dudes who can't act older than five go to be butthurt over the fact that a girl they're nice to doesn't like them. You know, "I'm a nice guy and yet these whores pick assholes over me and it's not fair" kind of guys. And it's not even really just a type of guy - it's like a majority. I consider my brother to be an okay guy, concerning boyfriend material, and even he's said that.
But, all immature dudes aside, what I really hate about the term is that every woman has a right to say no to you, no matter how nice you are to her. You aren't entitled to a woman's body because you're nice to her; you're supposed to be nice. You don't get rewarded in sex, of all things, for doing what you're supposed to do. She's not obliged to date you or sleep with you because you're a decent human being.
The guy I was fighting with said that he agreed, but he only used the term in its most basic definition: "You like her and she only wants to be friends."
At least he's getting somewhere. Still not great, though, for obvious reasons.
I then proceeded to tell him about Elliot Rodger, a murderer who wrote and recorded a manifesto about how he disliked the way women weren't attracted to him. The following quote is taken from his manifesto: "You girls have never been attracted to me. I don't know why you girls aren't attracted to me, but I will punish you all for it. It's an injustice, it's a crime, because I don't know what you don't see in me. I'm the perfect guy and yet you throw yourself at these obnoxious men instead of me, the supreme gentlemen."
He killed six people, injured thirteen, and then killed himself.
No matter how far you take it (on a scale from white cishet boy complaints to Elliot Rodger), it's still the same basic belief that most men have. The term friendzone just gives it a word.
I asked him if he understood what I meant when I said I didn't like it, and he said no, because of the way he uses it.
Like, how much more can I spell it out for you? I know that's "not how you use it."
But even if you use it in this so-called "harmless" way you're validating the term in its use. How many times do you want me to tell you that it screams male entitlement so loud and proud that it supports a belief that gets innocent people killed and takes away a woman's right to say no to you without fear of being harmed?
I mean, I knew what his deal was, but he's a fairly tolerant person, so I hoped he'd see my point of view. Obviously, his issue is that he's refusing to acknowledge the toxicity of it because he uses the term himself.
After two hours of debating with him I finally lost my patience and sent him this:
"Look, man, I get it. It's okay. I understand. You use the term friendzone, it's happened to you, but you're not a misogynist. You hate that shit. So the term can't be bad when you use it, right? I don't handle things like Elliot Rodger, right? Of course not. I mean, it totally doesn't scream male entitlement or attack women's rights or anything. Well, it might when some people use it, but not for me. So it's totally cool to use. And I'm sure it happens to women, too. Because I've seen and heard SO many girls complain about being friendzoned."
After that, he had the fucking AUDACITY to say, "SO it's okay for girls to say it but if a guy does it's male entitlement and attacking women's rights?"
It wouldn't be okay for anyone to say it - if women ever fucking said it. You know what happens when a girl gets rejected even though she's nice? Nothing. If anything, in gender-equivalent cases, it's seen as pathetic.
I congratulated him on picking out the one thing he could possibly still use to defend his use of the word while simultaneously ignoring every other piece of evidence I gave him concerning the issue of why the "friendzone" is misogynistic bullshit. Apparently, he's also one of those guys that likes to ignore women's problems and make them about men because he doesn't wanna be a bad guy.
"Misandry is a thing too, Zoey. I've had an experience with a misandrist before, and it's not exactly fun, either."
REALLY? FUCKING REALLY? I'M SURE THAT MUST'VE BEEN FUCKING HARD FOR YOU.
I'VE BEEN TOLD BY MY OWN FATHER TO TAKE MY 77 CENTS AND SHUT UP, WHILE HE LAUGHED, LIKE IT WAS REAL FUCKING HYSTERICAL. I'VE BEEN TOLD TO BE THANKFUL FOR BEING A WHITE GIRL IN AMERICA, LIKE OPPRESSION IS A COMPETITION TO JOKE ABOUT. I'VE BEEN TOLD TO TAKE A JOKE, TO CALM DOWN AND STOP BEING SUCH A FEMINIST, LIKE IT'S A DIRTY LABEL TO BE ASHAMED OF.
WHAT YOU'VE APPARENTLY "EXPERIENCED ONCE" IS MY EVERYDAY MOTHERFUCKING REALITY. NOT ONLY AM I SCARED, BUT I'M FUCKING ANGRY.