War of the Words

General F. – (Fundamental) Believes the Bible is the perfect word of God.

Private D. – (Doubt) Believes the Bible doesn't work.

Private T. – (Translations) Believes the Bible can be translated however you like.

Private A. – (Allegorical) Believes the Bible can be used to accomplish his purposes.

Private M. – (More) Believes the Bible needs to be added too.

Private C. – (Context) Believes the Bible can be selectively read.

Private L. – (Lazy) Believes the Bible isn't as important as the rest of his life.

Narrator – Optional part. Offstage. Used to make application in the end.

(All seven men are pinned down in a trench. All are dressed in modern military garb. General F. leads the group as the other six look on in dismay. The sounds of machine guns and war can be heard in the distance. All men constantly respond to the onslaught.)

General F. – Alright men! Now is the time to take everything you've been taught and put it to good use. Does everyone have their rifle? (No response) Privates! Do you have your weapons?

Private D. – (Inspecting his rifle) General! General! I don't think my rifle works sir!

General F. – Is it loaded? (Private D. nods affirmatively) Is it cocked? (Private D. nods affirmatively) Is it clean and ready? (Private D. nods affirmatively) So what's the problem?

Private D. – I don't know! I just don't think it's going to work!

General F. – Well have you tried firing it!?

Private D. – (Confused) No… If I don't think it's going to work then why would I do that?

General F. – (Frustrated) I promise you it'll get the job done if you just pull the trigger and actually use it!

Private D. – Yeah… I doubt that…

Private L. – (With a cellphone in his hand) I agree with Private D. General. Totally not worth the time.

General F. – Private L. what in the world!? Where is your rifle!?

Private L. – About that… I was playing Flappy Bird when we left camp this morning and totally forgot to bring it. My bad.

General F. – You're in a war man! What were you thinking!

Private L. – Oh General… Please don't ask me to think. I got hurt real bad last time I tried… Maybe I'm just lazy… Oh well… (Continues to play games)

Private C. – (Interrupting) Sir!

General F. – Yes Private?

Private C. – (Scared, he pulls out a half assembled rifle) I think I lost some of my gun somewhere along the way. Do you have to have the whole thing for it to work?

General F. – Of course you do Private! You can't just pick and choose what pieces of the gun you want to use!

Private C. – Why not!? They're all some kind of piece of a gun aren't they?

General F. – Yes, but they all work together you knucklehead!

Private M. – (Proudly whips out a grossly oversized rifle) I've got you covered Private C!

Private C. – Whoa! What is that?

Private M. – (Proudly) I thought our boring old rifles could use some updating so I added a few little touches of my own! What do you think?

General F. – (Shocked) You have got to be kidding me! These rifles are tried and true Private M! They don't need to be added to! What could you possibly do to make them any better?

Private M. – General… C'mon, more is better. It has a cup holder and a straw! (Admitting his compromises) I had to stick it through the firing mechanism to attach it but like that really matters!

Private C. – That's so cool. (Excitedly handing his rifle over) Can you do that to my gun?

General F. – (Even more frustrated) No! No! No! You can't change up your weapon soldiers! They are precision instruments!

Private A. – (Holding his gun upside down) Take it from me guys! These guns work perfect.

General F. – Private A… You're holding your gun upside down!

Private A. – Psh! Don't tell me what to do with my gun, you're not the boss of me!

General F. – (Angrily) But that's not how you use it you moron!

Private A. – (Mockingly) Yeah right, like there's a "right" way to use a gun.

General F. – Of course there is! It was designed to be used a specific way with all its pieces intact for one purpose! You can't use it however you want!

Private A. – (Nonchalantly) I'm not so sure it really matters all that much.

General F. – (In frustration) So let me get this straight! (Point to Private D.) You don't think your gun works? (Points to Private L.) You don't even have your gun? (Points to Private C.) You only brought some of your gun? (Points to Private M.) You've added so much to your gun that it's useless? (Points to Private A.) And you don't even know how to use yours the right way!? (No response) Private T. you're my last hope please tell me you have your gun!

Private T. – (Strongly) Yes sir I do!

General F. – (Hopefully) All of it!?

Private T. – Locked, loaded, and ready to go!

General F. – Finally! Now here's what we're going to do… (Private T. pulls out a squirt gun) What is that?

Private T. – This is my gun, duh!

General F. – That's not the gun you were given!

Private T. – (Indignantly) I wanted a new gun. The old guns were heavy and really hard to understand so I wanted a new one that was easier to use. (Jokingly) I guess you could say my gun is "watered down". (All Privates begin to laugh to themselves)

General F. – (Extremely mad now) This is not a joke! This is war!

Private T. – General F. it is no big deal. We got this… Right guys? (All Privates grab what guns they have and nod affirmatively) C'mon let's go! (All Privates rush out of the room/offstage and out of sight as machine gun sound effects are heard)

General F. – (The machine guns stop. He pauses briefly) I guess I'm on my own… (Leaps to his feet and charges out the door screaming)

Narrator – It is amazing what men have done to the Bible in the last century alone. The Bible is God's Holy Word. It should not be doubted. It should not be left at home to collect dust. It should not be taken away from or added to! It must be used correctly and doesn't need to be translated over and over again. The Bible is our weapon at war against Satan, but it will only be effective if we carry it, respect it, and use it the way God intended!