SO ATTRACTED TO YOU
A/N: This is my very first attempt to write a m/m fic. I hope I have managed to succeed in doing so. I'd be extremely grateful if you reviewed this and gave me tips, if necessary, on how to improve my writing or the plot and what you think of this story.
Flames will not be tolerated.
The main characters Kim and Brian and the rest belong to me. Enjoy this story;-)
I was sitting at my desk when my maths-teacher came inside the room, followed by a tall, dark-haired boy.
"This is your new classmate, Kim Mason. Kim, will you please sit next to Brian?"
Kim sat down, folding his hands upon the desk. He smiled at me, revealing straight, snowy teeth. He had high cheekbones and tanned skin. His large eyes were just as dark as his hair and were surrounded by long lashes. All in all, he was extremely attractive. The girls were going to chase him, that was certain.
"Welcome to our class," I said.
"Thank you," he replied. The teacher cleared his throat and looked very strictly at the class. He picked up a piece of green chalk and turned to the blackboard.
During the break I got to know Kim better. He had moved to our town only recently with his family and it turned out that he lived just further down the street where our apartment was situated. He was exactly my age-eighteen-and he loved sports, as I discovered during the double-lesson of sports. In the boys' dressing-room he displayed an athletic chest and stomach as he pulled his T-shirt over his head. There was a small curved scar near his stomach.
He reached into his bag and pulled out a Nike T-shirt and a pair of matching pants. After changing, we ran up the stairs; the sports-teacher lead us out of the building to jog for twenty minutes. Kim was soon at the head of the queue of sweating boys. I was somewhere in the middle, and I felt a stitch in my left side.
After jogging we had to play basketball. Kim got the ball into the hoop every time. It was easy for him because of his height. The other boys were curious about him, naturally: they asked him many questions which he answered patiently.
"The girls will be after you, man!" one guy told him in the dressing-room after the lesson. A closed look flitted over Kim's face. I noticed that he pressed his lips together very tightly.
"Got a girlfriend?" someone asked, digging him in the ribs.
"No," Kim answered quietly.
The questioner chuckled.
"You won't be single for long!" he said, winking. He disappeared into the adjoining shower-room where everyone was already taking a cool shower with the exception of Kim and myself. I was now naked and I reached for my towel and bent to pick up my shower-soap. When I straightened up, my eyes met Kim's. He was looking at me, and his face still wore that closed expression. He was already dressed and was hauling his rucksack onto his back.
"You're not joining us?" I asked him.
"I forgot my stuff," he said.
"You can borrow mine," I suggested.
"Well, I don't want to undress again," he said, laughing, "see you tomorrow. Oh, by the way, I like your school."
I was sitting in on my bed at home. I was thinking of Kim. He was friendly and quiet; but he also seemed unusually reserved. On leaving school I had heard plenty of girls giggle and titter; and it was quite obvious that Kim was the subject of their conversation:
"He's such a cutie!"
"He looks like a movie-star!" etc.
It turned out that Kim was not too interested in girls. In fact, he was not at all interested in them. He was polite; he greeted them and talked to them, but that was just about all. One girl was mad at him.
"I asked him for a date. He said: "No, thanks." And then he simply walked away," she grumbled.
"Well, what's so wrong with that?" I asked her.
"It's okay to refuse a date. But you don't just walk away like that!" she said, frowning.
And there was another thing. After sports-lesson, he would dress up as quickly as possible and leave without bothering to take a shower. In my opinion Kim was a mysterious, complex character. It was almost as if he wanted to hide something; as if he had a deep secret.
It was after an exam in history that I invited him over for lunch. He willingly excepted my invitation. After school we went to the bicycle-stands to unlock our bikes. My keys slipped out of my hand and fell on the ground. Kim and I both stooped to pick them up. Our hands met, my fingers on top of his. We looked into each other's eyes. Kim's lips parted for a small moment. Then he laughed softly and we both rose. He handed me my keys. Lunch with him was very pleasant. He had an agile and intelligent mind. We talked about various topics until it was time for him to leave. He thanked me for inviting him over and left. I remained at the door, my hand still on the latch. I had to think of that moment when our hands had met. Imagine a spark jumping from his hand to mine-or the other way around: it was as if a strong current had run through my veins for the fraction of a second. Those dark eyes fixing mine, those parted lips, the faintest gleam of white from behind them, the skin stretched over the high cheekbones. I slowly walked into the bathroom to have a bath. I turned on the light and undressed. I stood in front of the full-length mirror and examined myself. I was fairly tall-slightly less tall than Kim, though-and the grey eyes of my reflection looked at me questioningly. My hair was brown and cut very short. I shook my head vehemently and turned away.
Two months flew past. During that time we had become good friends.
Michael, one of my classmates, had organised a party to celebrate the birthday of his girlfriend (also a member of the class).
"Hey, Kim, are you coming for this evening's party?" I asked him.
"Yeah," he said, "it's at eight o'clock at Michael's place, isn't it?"
I nodded my head.
"Shall I pick you up?" I asked him.
"That would be cool, thanks."
So, at about seven-thirty, I left the apartment. Kim lived only a few blocks away, so I was there in about four minutes. As I've mentioned before, Kim is highly attractive. But he looked stunning when I met him this evening. He was all in black to go with his dark hair and eyes. He was dressed in tight black pants with a silver-buckled belt and a plain black shirt. Around his neck he wore a heavy silver chain. His hips moved smoothly beneath those clingy trousers as he moved towards me, smiling. I felt the rhythm of my heartbeats accelerate.
"Hi," he said, his melodious voice low and gentle.
"Hello," I said, feeling strangely foolish.
We silently walked to Michael's house. It was slowly getting dark, and the moon was full. It seemed romantic walking along with Kim, our feet perfectly silent. From time to time I turned my head slightly to look at him. We soon reached our destination. Balloons and light greeted us as we entered the house. There were streamers and garlands all over the place. Michael greeted us, his arm around Amy, his girlfriend, who was beaming all over her face with joy. Kim and I took our place on a sofa in the hall and watched the other guests dance, talk or make out. Soon everyone had arrived. Michael clapped his hands and called for everyone's attention. We approached the table upon which a cake, loaded with eighteen candles, glowed. Amy blushed and put her arms around Michael, kissing his cheek. He grinned.
"Come on, Amy, blow out the candles!"
Everyone burst into an enthusiastic "Happy Birthday to you!" as Amy bent forward and blew out the candles.
"Now for the presents!" Michael yelled as applause broke out. Soon Amy was busy unwrapping her gifts. Michael turned on the enormous stereo set in the corner. A tower of CD's had been placed next to it. Kim and I helped ourselves to drinks. We retired to the sofa. The light played upon Kim's exquisite features. I was nearly in awe of the delicately shaped mouth, the straight nose, but above all those eyes beneath the arching eyebrows. It was stuffy inside the living-room. Kim observed this, too.
"Shall we go out for a breath of fresh air?" he asked me.
"Sure," I said.
We made our way to the backyard. The sky was now completely black. The moon shone in full splendour in the inky blackness surrounding it. Kim gazed upwards at the moon.
"It's a beautiful night," he said.
"Yes," I said.
Kim pushed his hands in his pockets. I tried to look away. I couldn't. My eyes were drawn to his figure as if a magnetic source was directing their aim. The sexual tension was mounting. Kim seem to feel my stare. He slowly turned towards me. His dark eyes looked into mine. It was as if he was not looking at me but through me.
"What are you thinking of, Brian?" That soft, low voice again.
"I...I don't know," I whispered. My heart was beating like a hammer. And I didn't want to know why.
Kim came closer to me. My knees were suddenly trembling. I wanted to run my hand over his chest and hips, I wanted to put my arms around him and lock my mouth to his. I felt a burning heat mount to my face. We stood there beneath the moon, studying each other.
"Brian, are you cold?"
"I...well...no, not really...Why?"
I didn't know what to say. So I simply dropped my eyes and examined the ground.
"Shall we go back?" he asked gently.
I hesitated. I wanted to be alone with Kim out here. But at the same time I was scared to be alone with him. Scared of the feelings I felt when I was alone with him in the moon-lit night.
I lifted my head and our eyes met again. His eyes were full of emotion. Again I seemed to sense that invisible magic spark leap between us. I felt the adrenaline in my blood. I wanted him, how I wanted him!
"Kim," I breathed, "I want you."
I could not believe that I had said that. Kim stared at me. Then he took both my hands in his. He ran his fingers over my wrists, over my arms, over my shoulders. He pulled me to him. His embrace was warm and his scent was delicious. I rested my hands on his hips, the material of his pants soft beneath my palms. His hands travelled up to my face. He placed one on the back of my head, the other on my cheek. He drew my face to his. We kissed. It was a beautiful kiss, seductive, erotic and passionate. His lips were silky.
"Oh God, Kim, I want you!" I whispered. He put his fingers on my lips.
"I know. I want you, too."
We kissed again. My hands wandered underneath his shirt.
"Stop, we can't do this here," he said, arresting my hands in his, "we'll do it at my place."
We stayed a little longer for the party, then we said Bye to Michael and Amy. Four other people also departed. We went down the street in a little group. Then we scattered, some going one way, a few another, until Kim and I were walking alone. Kim took my hand as he unlocked the door to his apartment. He lived on the second floor. His parents and his older sister were not at home, the former having gone for dinner, the latter spending the night at her boyfriend's flat. Kim took me to his room. He drew the curtains. He came towards me and seized my face in his hands and commenced kissing me with a hungry, wild passion. I unbuttoned his shirt. He ran his fingers through my hair. I pulled off my T-shirt.
Kim pushed me onto his bed so that he lay on top of me. He gripped my thighs and devoured me with kisses and love-bites. I did the same to him and caressed the bulge beneath his trousers, unzipping them. He arched his back and moaned. Shivers ran through me as his hands explored the region my underwear covered.
This was ecstasy. But what came afterwards was more than that. It was pure heaven. We made love. After that he clasped me in his arms, one leg between my thighs. Although we were both exhausted, we couldn't get enough of each other. We overwhelmed each other with kisses for a good while. He stroked my face and chafed my hands. Then he said:
"You've got to go home, Brian."
He was right.
He allowed me to use the shower before dressing up. We didn't kiss each other when I left. We simply looked at each other.
"Good night, Brian. See you tomorrow."
"Yeah. Good night, Kim."
He shut the door. He looked at my watch. It was one o'clock in the morning.
When I reached home I took off all my clothes and went to bed without anything on. I was confused by what had happened, but I felt no pang of regret.
On waking up the next morning I was more confused than ever. I also felt a sudden sense of guilt. Was I indeed starting to regret the night with Kim? I could not stop thinking about him.
Kim knew at once what was on my mind as soon as he arrived and sat down next to me. The lesson had not started as yet; there was still time to talk.
I raised my eyes to his.
"Hi, Kim," I said.
"Good morning, Brian," he answered. I dropped my eyes and dug my nails into my palms.
"Do you regret last night?" Kim asked me directly.
I didn't say anything.
"Brian, please look at me."
I obeyed him. He placed his hand upon my arm.
"You wanted it. I wanted it. We both wanted it. And I still want you."
I stared at him. Kim bit his lip. He was hurt by my silence.
"You refuse to speak to me...do you give me the blame for what happened? Have I hurt you in any way?"
At last I said something.
"I don't know. Please leave me alone, Kim."
He withdrew his hand. His face became hard.
"I see. You despise me now. May I ask you why?"
I buried my face in my arms for a moment. Then I shook my head.
"Kim, I just don't know!"
"Because I'm gay? Because I refuse to take a shower with you other guys and prefer taking one at home?"
"No!" I said. Tears were stinging my eyes.
"No? Then why are you treating me like this?" he asked me vehemently.
I swiped at my face.
"Why, Brian? Why did you sleep with me at all if you knew that you were going to regret it?"
"We both wanted to have sex with each other, didn't we?" I said defiantly.
"And why did you want to have sex with me?"
"Damn it, Kim, just leave me alone!"
There was a rough scraping sound as Kim moved his chair away from me. I had wounded him deeply. And I was mad at myself for doing this. I knew why I had slept with him. The reason was so simple. I loved him. I had fallen for him totally. His smile, his way of talking, the way he looked at me, the small gestures he did with his slender hands, the casual way he shoved them in the pockets of his pants, his conversation...I loved everything about him. But I refused to acknowledge this. The whole day Kim didn't speak to me. He kept up a safe distance from me. I wanted to cry. I deserved this unhappiness. I had hurt him. And when we cycled home, Kim overtook me and soon disappeared from my sight. Once at home, I pushed my bike into the bicycle-cellar roughly, stumbled into my room and burst into tears, not caring if anyone heard me or not. My older brother, Martin, was at home, however, and he heard my sobs. He knocked at door. I continued crying. He entered and sat down next to me on my bed.
"Bri, what's wrong?"
I could not speak. He waited patiently, putting one arm around me. As soon as I had regained my composure I told him everything. The whole story spilled out of me like a waterfall. I nearly cried again after that.
"Brian, are you crying because you think you're gay? Or are you crying because you simply regret that night?"
"I don't know! I simply don't know! I guess it's both."
"Bri, there's nothing wrong with you if you're homosexual! Sexuality is a huge domain. There's no right or wrong kind of sexuality."
He paused. Then he continued.
"Do you love this boy, Bri?"
"Yes, I do!"
"Does he love you?"
"I...I...think he does."
"So what prevents you from starting a serious relationship with him?"
"What will people say?"
"Ah!" Martin slapped his knee, "so that's it! That's the problem! You're worried about what people will say when they see the two of you together. Let them say what they wish, Bri. There are people who will understand your relationship and feel happy for you. There are also people who are intolerant and will treat you with contempt. It's not only like that with homosexuality, Brian. Think of racism. There are may domains where some stupid folks show their intolerance. You are what you are, Bri. Please remain yourself."
On hearing these true words I immediately felt much happier. But there was still something bothering me.
"I hurt him, Martin. Do you think he'll forgive me?"
"I'm sure he will. Speak to him."
"Martin, you're great. Thanks a million."
"For what have you got a big brother, hm?" Martin laughed and hugged me.
My fingers were clammy with sweat as I dialled Kim's mobile number on my handy. He answered my call at once.
"Hi, Brian," he said in a cool tone.
"Kim...I...I want to talk to you. Will you...can you meet me at around six o'clock this evening at-"
"Sorry, Brian, I've got a lot of things to do this evening."
"Kim, it's urgent. Please."
"Perhaps another time. Bye, Brian."
There was a sharp click. I felt numb. Martin had been wrong about one thing. Kim was still mad at me. I quickly made up my mind. I pulled on my sneakers, dumped my sunglasses on my nose, snatched up my keys and dashed down the street to where Kim lived. I didn't even have to ring the bell. He was just taking out his bike. He stopped when he saw me.
"Kim!" I said, running towards him. I removed my sunglasses.
"Look, Brian, I really have no time. I'm sorry."
"Kim, I know that you're angry with me-"
"You people are all the same!" he hissed. With a quick motion he pulled up T-shirt, revealing that curved scar on his stomach.
"I got this when I was sixteen. I knew I was gay by that time. So did another guy. What he did to my skin with a penknife you did to my feelings with your behaviour this morning."
He let go of his T-shirt. He turned his back onto me.
"Fuck off, Brian."
He swung himself on his cycle and started to ride away. I jumped after him and stopped him by seizing his arm and jamming my foot against the front wheel.
"What the hell...?"
We crashed to the ground, bike and all.
"Are you crazy?!" Kim shouted. His elbow was bleeding. He shoved me aside roughly and picked up his bike, inspecting it.
"You can be glad that it's not damaged!" he yelled.
"Kim, please listen to me!" I pleaded.
"You wanted me to leave you alone this morning. SO NOW LEAVE ME ALONE, BRIAN!"
He raced away on his bike. I remained behind, and waves of despair crushed me. I got up painfully and went home. Martin had gone out. I cried again. I cried until I felt like throwing up. In between my sobs I whispered "Kim!"
That night I dreamed of Kim. I dreamed of his lips on mine, of his hands holding mine. He was lying next to me, and he was smiling. I woke up with a start, Kim's dream-self fading away abruptly. I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night, with the result that I was extremely tired when I cycled to school. But my tiredness was chased away by the entry of Kim in the schoolroom. He ignored me entirely as he sat down next to me, making sure to maintain that crushing distance between us. However, when the lesson started, I discreetly moved my chair closer to his. He stared straight ahead. One hand was on his knee underneath the table. I put my hand over his. He gave a slight start. He turned his head towards me. Our desk was in the very last row, so no one noticed what was happening between us. We looked into each other's eyes. Without breaking the eye-contact, I reached for my pen and a piece of paper. Still looking into those dark eyes, I scribbled three words on it, followed by Kim's name. Kim lowered his eyes. They widened as he read the note. It simply read:
I love you, Kim.
He took the pen from me and wrote beneath this sentence:
I love you too, Brian.
Our hands clasped. We sat like that for the remainder of the lesson. We ate lunch at the school-canteen. Neither of us spoke until we strolled outside in the sunshine.
"Kim, I'm so sorry," I whispered at last.
"Shhh..." he shushed me gently. We went to the bike-stands.
"Would you like to come over?" I asked him softly.
He smiled. And his smile was that sweet smile I had seen in my dream.
"I'd be delighted."
A few minutes later we were sitting upon my bed, hand in hand. As once before he was chafing my fingers. I let myself go. I put my arms around him and kissed his mouth, his forehead, his cheeks. He pressed me to him, caressing my face. Tears welled up in my eyes.
"I was so scared that I had lost you!"
"I was so scared!"
"Brian, everything's okay."
He wiped the salt drops away with his thumbs. He reached into his pocket and extracted a small piece of paper. It was the love-note.
"I'm keeping this forever," he said, smiling. He kissed my lips tenderly.
"I love you, Kim."
"I see that you've really learnt that note by heart..."
"I love you too, Brian."
"I guess you've also read that note over a hundred times...?"
We smiled at each other. I became serious. I placed my hand on his bare skin, on that scar.
"You said that someone injured you with a penknife?"
He nodded. A look of pain passed over his face.
"I was sixteen. I knew I was gay. I was more interested in boys than in girls. I started becoming aroused when I saw my male classmates taking a shower after sports. A boy noticed this. He made my life hell for me. He called me "faggot" and other insults. Nor was he the only one. I was excluded because I was considered as a sick and abnormal being. One day I could not take it anymore. He was jeering at me as usual when I lost my temper. I told him to shut the fuck up. He and I were alone the boys' toilet. He laughed and pulled out a penknife and asked me to repeat my sentence. I was foolish enough to do so. He rushed at me with the knife. I stumbled and fell to the ground and he knelt on top of me, saying he was going to test the sharpness of the knife on my stomach before castrating me. Luckily a teacher heard my screams for aid."
Kim stopped. His eyes were full of pain.
"Oh my God," I said thickly.
"The teacher phoned the parents of this bully. I don't know what they said or how they reacted. The whole thing ended with the boy being removed from the school. Life became better after his departure, though I still got sneers and queer looks from people. During all my troubles my family supported me and there were still a few people who accepted me fully the way I was."
There was a silence during which we simply held each other in our arms.
"Then we moved over here after two years because my parents were fed up of living in a tiny village. I was desperate when I realised that I loved you, Brian. I was convinced that you would never love me the way I loved you."
"Do you know how much I was attracted to you from the very beginning?"
"I would like to repeat that night with you," he whispered seductively.
I laughed as he grinned mischievously.
"I want to introduce you to my parents and tell them about us first," I said, "I don't think they'll be shocked. My big brother Martin already knows."
My parents were indeed not amazed onto the fainting point. They said that as long as I was happy they were happy too. Martin winked at me when I introduced Kim to them. He was approved of on the very spot.
It's like a fairytale-ending; Kim and I have nothing to destroy our happiness. We love to go out for romantic moonlight-strolls, hand in hand, talking about the world, stopping occasionally to steal kisses from each other.