Based on a new idea that appeared while listening to Untitled.
Dear people that I had interacted.
Are you even listening to what I was trying to say?
You all seem to ignore me when I try to come up with something. You all seem to be interested in what you were focusing. I feel like I was just talking to myself, answering myself, having a lifeless conversation with myself.
Your replies were delayed. You were all busy with whatever you do. You all seemed to care less to what I was saying.
But I waited patiently... But as time pass, it hurts me. I am not an emotionless robot. I am not an automatic answer.
Yet you all never bothered to listen to what I was saying.
Some of you reassured me that you are listening to what I was saying, but I see it otherwise. Your eyes were not on me, they were in something else. Your replies were delayed, but not in a way that you were thinking deeply for your reply to me. Some of you did not even bother to reply at all. I was forgotten.
It occurs to me multiple times in a day. Is it not sad? No, I know for you all, it is not.
My topics were numbly dull, my voice is soft and generic, and the things I talked about were not in your interests.
You all seemed to prefer me in a receiving state. Where I can just say my reactions and opinions, even though I have no clue what was going on. Even though I look at something else, I had my ears open for your words. I reply in a time were I was not doing something at all. I reply automatically, unless, of course, I was thinking deep. My face will signal you that I was thinking deep... if only you could understand it.
Why am I being over-dramatic, as you ask? If you were in my shoes, you will understand. But the way you all are now, right now... You were all normal. You could talk without the fear that the topic you would bring is boring. But me? Mine was no better than you all.
You all could never understand how much I had to endure the pain of being ignored when I try to come up with something.
Some of you might push something in my face, that you are listening to me and interested with what I was saying. Not directly, but you all have different things on signaling that. Yet you all wonder... why do I not listen?
It was because I do not feel it... It feels like you were all just saying that to reassure me... to make me feel better...
Just for the sake of making me happy again.
There is a chance that I will never, ever talk again unless asked. There is a chance that I will instinctively try to start a conversation again, in hopes of being listened properly, even when you all were doing something...
I do not know if I still could bare the pain I have yet to receive from being ignored multiple times a day.