It's fine, you don't have to understand. But I'm not being dramatic. You don't have to believe me.
But it would be nice if you did.
I'm not saying it's ALL your fault. But you do play a role in this. You can't deny that. You say you understand but you don't. You say I'm being overdramatic, but I'm not. You say I can stop, but I can't. I tell you time and time again that I can't. I'm not strong enough. I need support.
Yet you don't understand.
You say I brought this upon myself …..it's true I did. But you never took notice when it got out of hand and if you did. You never stopped me. You never helped. You just kept on telling me I was fine and I should just eat more and now…. I can't stop. Every day I eat more and more. Knowing I should stop, but I can't until I'm feeling sick. I become guilty and I cry and tear at myself. And no matter how much I say I'm better than this.
I can't stop.
You get crap whenever I ask you to stop and get something HEALTHY. And you come up with the excuse that you buy food for everyone else not just me. That may be true. But I always eat it before everyone else because I can't help it. And when I'm done. You call me a pig. A monster. Because you end up never getting any.
Now tell me. How do you think that makes me feel?
I don't care if you're joking. It hurts. I always pretend to joke back. But in reality it just tears me apart. Every time I ask you to please buy something healthier (while I do succeed sometimes) you just buy more crap.
But I seem to like that crap. Cause I still eat it.
So yes you are partially to blame in my opinion. If it's childish, I don't care. This is just what think. You can't change my mind. I've always been a stubborn bitch. But right now since I'm supposed to be "respectful" I will relinquish my pride to you and give in. I will eat what you give me, feel guilty, cry, and then decide to eat healthier the next day.
It's fine. I never expected you to believe me in the first place so why did I try?
Hi. This is my first….. word vomit? Look, this is just how I feel. And I don't need anyone to criticize me on it so if you guys didn't like this one. Then….. too bad. If you do then, thanks.