It's 11:30 I'm supposed to be asleep.
But I'm not...
I finally broke after a week of pain.
Boy has this week been hell!
Sophie, baby, I cried for hours until it died to a hiccuping when no tears were left
Half an hour later the fountains in my face began to pour out their pain.
I physically beat myself, punching as hard as i could, and I marred my arm with my nails.
The razor blades are hiding in my favorite time piece, tempting me and calling my name.
I resisted just barely.
I just hit harder and sobbed until i could no longer think because of the raging headache caused by my tears.
But, darling, I didn't cut.
I can't take anymore of this bullshit but I have to.
I must endure listening to others because I don't know how to stop.
I must endure the heart ache I recieve every time I see the boy, who I am dangerously close to falling for, deny me when I ask to see him outside of church.
I must endure this hell I am supposed to call home.
There is no way to get through this without going through all these struggles.
I'm failing in every way...
My grades are alright but never good enough
I feel I have failed you.
My chosen crush, as my parents have yet to learn my sexuality, is apparently not good for me and should be avoided at all costs.
Basically they don't like him and refuse to even try.
These are only two of my problems.
When I was a child I was happy
I didn't rue the day I chose to live somewhere else or any other decision.
Life was so very simple when even the sink could amuse me for a period of time.
Where did I go wrong?
When did my childhood happiness turn into the tortures of an angsty teen?
Did I do something wrong?
You are what eat makes perfect sense to me now.
If I eat nothing then I am nothing.
If I eat ice cream, which is sweet, then I will become sweet.
She tells me I'm fat by telling me to eat smaller portions or staring glumly at the scale when I gain 5 pounds.
I can't do this anymore!
Fake my way through everything I do.
I finally broke!
What do I do now?