Colonel C.S. – (Common Sense) Uses his head. Knows who the enemy.
Private P. – (Pragmatism) Believes everyone else is wrong! Fights over petty issues!
Enemy T. – (Temptation) The agent of Satan.
Enemy D. – (Destruction) The agent of Satan.
Narrator – Optional part. Offstage. Used to make application in the end.
(The two men are pinned down under enemy fire behind a barricade. Colonel C.S. is facing towards the audience firing while Private P. has his back to the audience firing backwards. Both have guns. Enemy T. and Enemy D. can begin behind the audience or out of sight. The sound of war can be heard faintly in the background.)
Colonel C.S. – (Yelling frantically) C'mon private! I could really use your help over here! The enemy is approaching quickly! (Keeps firing. Long pause) Private! Private can you hear me?
Private P. – What's that sir?
Colonel C.S. – (Noticing he is turned around) Private! The enemy is this way! What in the world are you doing!?
Private P. – Just tying up some loose ends sir! (Goes to turn back around)
Colonel C.S. – (Stopping him) The enemy is this way! What could you be doing back there that is more important than fighting the enemy!?
Private P. – (Setting his gun down and rolling his eyes. With attitude) Well let me tell you… Have you seen the 32nd Infantry Division?
Colonel C.S. – (Confused) What!? No I haven't seen them. We've been pinned down in this position for six days!
Private P. – (Very critically) Oh. Well there commander lets them wear combat boots that aren't even shined. (Pauses for a reaction. Gets only a stupid look) Can you believe that sir?
Colonel C.S. – Who cares!? They're still our brother in arms!
Private P. – Really? My bad, I've been shooting at them this whole time. (Defiantly) They needed to be taught a lesson about proper shoe care!
Colonel C.S. – (Angrily) You have got to be kidding me! You've been shooting at your own army private!
Private P. – Yeah I guess… But they deserved it! (Shrugs off the Colonels disapproval) Have you heard about the 48th Infantry Division?
Colonel C.S. – (Increasingly frustrated) No private. I have been fighting a war! What about them!?
Private P. – Well let me tell you… They wear helmets that are made by a company different than ours! Not to mention they march in a completely different formation! It's so backwards! They are completely wrong!
Colonel C.S. – Why does that matter to you private? Who cares how the other divisions march!? Just focus your fire on the enemy!
Private P. – (As if offended) Colonel! I care about the well-being and state of our army! I want everything done perfectly by the book! (More calmly) That's why I stole all of the 48th Infantry Division's ammunition and placed landmines outside their camp. They won't be marching the wrong way on my watch!
Colonel C.S. – (Extremely mad) Are you nuts private!? How are we going to win this war if you're placing booby-traps for your own army!
Private P. – (Mumbling under his breath. Long pause as the Colonel continues to fire at the enemy.) Colonel! Did you hear about the 12th Airmen Corps? (Colonel tries to speak but is stopped short) They have brown parachutes instead of green! What kind of parachuting weirdo has a brown parachute! I can't believe this!
Colonel C.S. – (Throws his gun to the ground) Private! I don't want to hear it! We are at war! I don't have time to worry about what everyone else is doing whether right or wrong! All I know is the enemy is getting closer and closer to winning this war and if I don't do everything I can to defeat them than I'm no soldier! Now grab your gun and fire at the enemy! (Private P. half-heartedly picks up his gun and weakly aims at the enemy troops.)
Private P. – (Suddenly perking up) Did you hear that!? I think one of the guys in the 32nd Infantry Division just called me a name. (Standing up and turning around. Yelling) Oh yeah! I'll teach you a thing or two! (Begins firing backwards again) Yeah! Take that!
(Colonel C.S. runs out of bullets as Enemy T. and Enemy D. begin to approach the front.)
Colonel C.S. – (Frantically) Private! Private, I'm out of ammo! The enemy is coming this way!
Private P. – (Ignoring him) Take that you dingy-booted momma-boy!
Enemy T. & D. – Get him! (Yells battle cries as they charge the barricade)
Colonel C.S. – Private! I need you help here! (The enemy dives over the barricade. Begins to wrestle with the enemy soldiers but is quickly overtaken) Private! The e-enemy! (Wrestles free from them. Fist fighting continues. Eventually Colonel C.S. is put into a choke hold and knocked out)
(Enemy T. and Enemy D. begin to drag Colonel C.S. out of the barricade and offstage)
Private P. (Triumphantly) Ha! I sure taught him a thing or two about what real soldiers act like! Hey Colonel! (Surprised he isn't there) Colonel where did you go? (Annoyed) I can't believe he left me! (Throws down his gun) I'm going to go tell the 63rd Tank Corps about his absence for sure… Hey guys! (Continues calling offstage as he exits)
Narrator – It would be ridiculous to see soldiers in a life and death situation bickering about something as simple as who the enemy is, yet Christians today do just that. While Satan is fiercely attacking our families, our churches, and our lives we are worried about petty issues that aren't even in the Bible. There's no room for friendly fire in the Christian life! Drop the trivial issues and never forget who the enemy is!