I have to hold it in place. I can't let it fall because then they'll know. They'll judge. I'll die.

Most days a person like me would welcome death, because that would be the release from this very oppressive unhappiness.

I try to smileā€¦ to laugh. To be a person that others may accept. I fall short. They know. They judge. I die.

I wish I could let them feel it. Just for a moment. How much the strained smile hurts. It takes more muscles to frown my music teacher used to say. It takes too much energy to smile.