"How grand it is," they all said with bright smiles, "that you are going to be able to do this. Just think! You must be so excited, so proud!"

As the day approached, I had to listen to their congratulations with increasing frequency. After all, I had been preparing for this for a long time. It was what I had always said I wanted to do, and with great diligence and care I had done what was necessary at each step along the way.

Yet now, as I make my final preparations for the task that I will finish today, all my enthusiasm and ambition seem to have left me. This moment…this thing I am about to do…I've rested my hopes on it for years. When it is done, I will finally be someone. I will no longer be forgotten, unimportant, despised, unloved. At least, that is what they tell me. And when I am useful…when I can prove that I too have something to offer, that his care (perhaps even his love? I am not sure I dare to hope) is not wasted…well, that's all I have ever wished for.

Then… why is my heart so heavy? What is this choked feeling in my throat that grips me whenever I think of the thing that has been my purpose and my goal since childhood? I, who have not cried in years, am near tears at this very moment…

…Of course, I do not cry. Perhaps I might indulge my feelings if I could ever be alone, but I am never alone. They are always here, hovering about me, watching, whispering, waiting for their chance. How I hate them! Can I not have a moment to myself?!

The time has come, and I must fulfill my purpose and complete my task. As I rise from my seat, I look out at the world outside. It is a beautiful day, and the sunlight shines bright and pure on the rose that climbs around my bedroom window.

For a little while, time seems to stand still as images and memories flash before my eyes, and I am not quite sure why. Sunlight…roses…blue skies…laughter…smiling faces….the wind in my face, the smell of the earth after spring rain, long walks on frosty autumn evenings, the taste of good food…..

I gather my resolve, determined to do this thing for which I have striven and prepared so long. Only the weak would turn back now, and I am no weakling. I will be what he wants me to be, and I will not fail him now. Then, at last, I can proudly take my place at his side with the others.

They are crowding close to me now, urging me on impatiently. Before I can have any more of these weak, pitiful misgivings and hesitations I take the cup that is before me, and I swallow its bitter, black contents.

The world, my beautiful world and all the joy that I found in it, goes dark.


Author's note: Well, this is a depressing little thing. Sorry about that...I swear my computer should be taken away from me when I'm feeling down.

It's pretty vague, so please let me know if it is too vague. I wanted to express the character's feelings without adding too many details about their situation, but I don't want it to be confusing.