A/N: Based on the 100% true tale of my trip into the woods today. Here's the dramatized version of the event. Note: sent as a text message to a friend, so it's not meant to be that great, just silly.

I said, "Mother, I am embarking on a journey to find the Berries of Blackness."

I entered the woodlands, naive but determined to find the Midnight Fruits. But there was a fatal flaw in my plan... I wasn't aware that, in the Endless Forest, there was a species so ruthless and so unforgivably spiteful that it could only be called the race of Mosquitoes. As the swarms approached, I swiftly returned to my cottage and gathered my thickest armor for protection. I found a trail, one that I called The Path of Clarity. The Mosquito Mobs were relentless, however, and my journey was filled with tears and bloodshed. But I could see them... red dots along the woods-line... leading me on. I slashed through brush and vines. I soon found out that these vines lived, and I thus named them Valiant Vines of Constriction. These strangled my legs and wrapped so tightly I had to slay them. I soldiered on, nimbly dodging those winged things that threatened my path. I trekked through tunnels of greenery and rocky hills. I ripped my armor and feeble skin with those defense mechanisms of the Berries of Blackness. Just when the path seemed to clutter with obstacles... I found them. I found the fountain of Midnight Fruits. I fell to my knees, bloodied and worn, calling "O lord, I praise thee, as I have found these treasures at last!"

Alas, they were mostly unripe. A tear in my weary eye, I moved forward, envisioning more of these berries. That was when the path divided into two clear trails. I call these The Trail of Honesty and the Trail of Deceit. At the center of the divide, there hung a bag. I thought it was a ghost, but it, fortunately, was not. I studied it, saw the strange hair-like substance hanging out, and declared "Tis enough journeying for the day. I shall retreat."

I hurried back, risking my life many more times for scattered Berries of Blackness along the way. By this time, I was so weathered that the Mosquitoes glanced upon me and had pity. I emerged from this Endless Forest rejuvenated. I breathed the air of determination and said "I will return tomorrow to reap the harvest."

I then fought off a few more vines as I found tiny bushes of wild tomatoes. A final, heavy winged creature flew into my eye, and I said "You cursed beast, be gone!"

I trudged back to my cottage. My mother greeted me. "Where did thou find these?"

I looked upon her untroubled face. She knew not of those retched Mobs of Mosquitoes or the Vines that constricted. I sighed. "O Mother, I found them in the face of Death."