Welcome my fellow yaoi lovers and confused-about-what-you're-interested-in-but-decided-to-read-this-anyway peoples! I am not sure how I feel about being in a tired slash chipper mood even though I'm writing a chapter two to a sad story. I'm weird like that... Anywaaaaay, how are you? I am not sure how I am... Oh well, read! Review! LOVE! FEEL!


Adam locked the stall door. He hadn't done this in a while. He took out Jessi's pocket-knife and stared at the blade blankly. He had accepted the life he couldn't escape. He took a deep breath and dug the blade into his palm and sliced it. He then cut into his arm multiple times until he paused and stared at the blood. Tears fell from his eyes and he began to sob. "I wanna die so fucking much! I don't wanna be here! I... I don't wanna..." Adam's vision began to grow dark. He shook his head trying to stay awake. Sniffling, he rolled up his sleeves up to his shoulders and washed away the blood. He ripped up his favorite sweater and bandaged his arm. Then he slowly went back to class. Ms. Mallery waited for him outside her classroom. She got down on her knees to look the smaller male in the eye. "Adam... You promised." She said, sniffling. Adam avoided her disappointed look. "It got worse... I told you it would get worse... Ms. Mallery, I don't know what to do... I can't take it anymore... I want to die so badly... Everyday, they beat me, they starve me, burn me, cut me, peel my skin, they let Jessi hurt me worse than any broomstick, I want it to stop..." The brown haired woman cried with Adam. She let him come into her class and stay the rest of the day, letting him go to music. Adam still stayed distant but he accepted her love and sympathy. When Ms. Mallery hugged him at the end of the day, Adam had to force himself to pull away and leave.

Adam ran home. He was being timed on how fast he got there. No matter how painful, he still made it before 3:40. Jessi was there on the couch with their father watching TV. Adam quickly dropped his backpack at the door and sprinted over to the broom. Just as his hand was within reach, Jessi called him over to the couch. He quickly made his way over, avoiding eye contact. 'Please let him leave me alone, please let him leave me alone...' Adam begged. "Come sit on my lap. Watch some TV with me and Dad." Jessi said with a smirk. Tears were falling from Adam's eyes. He didn't want to do it. Jessi was either mad or bored. His favorite show was on so he must be mad. "I said come sit!" Jessi growled, pulling Adam's bandaged arm. The younger male whimpered and shook on Jessi's lap as he sat. "Where's my pocketknife bitch?" Jessi asked as he rubbed Adam's leg. Tears continued to fall from said male's eyes. "I don't know..." Adam whispered. Jessi dug his fingers in Adam's arm, causing him to cry out. He jerked a little, he knew better not to get off Jessi's lap when he's mad. "Don't fucking lie to me. Where is my knife? It went missing today, your arm is cut up today, and you stopped carrying scissors. Now where is it?" He dug his fingers in harder. Adam cried and sobbed. "I-I left it at school! I dropped it after I cut myself and -hic- forgot it was there!" He yelled. His arm started bleeding again. Jessi raised his hand to Adam's crotch. Adam bit his lip, holding back a sob. "S-stop..." He mumbled. The older male shoved his hand into Adam's pants and stroked him. Adam only cried more. "Jessi stop... Please..." Their father let out a short mocking laugh, his eyes still on the TV. Adam's refusal to be aroused at Jessi's actions pissed the older male off even more. He squeezed Adam painfully. When he doubled over in pain, Jessi freed himself from his jeans, pulled down Adam's pants, then grabbed his hips and forced him down onto his erection. Adam screamed out in pain. Their father turned up the TV. Adam endured the whole ordeal for an hour. When Jessi was done, he pushed him onto the floor then went to his room. Adam sobbed and tried to get up but the pain in his lower back made it almost impossible. Their father (who I should finally let you know is named Joseph) turned off the TV then went over to Adam and kicked him hard in the side. Adam felt something snap but he just silenced his sobbing and shut his eyes.

It was the middle of the night when Adam woke up. And he woke up at the wrong time. Joseph had instructed Jessi to hold Adam tightly. This time, Adam would fight back to no avail. Jessi would squeeze him so tightly, his ribs would almost break. He would scream as he felt the knife dig into the bottom of his heel all the way up to his middle toe. His skin would be forced back and burned with a cigarette. The cutting would go on for an hour or two but always felt like an eternity of pain. Adam would be forced to painfully stand and go to his room to wake up the next day to another horrible existence. He got two presents that destroyed his world and set him free. It was on his fourteenth birthday.

About a year and a half has gone by. Adam's Mother (Theresa), had given birth to a baby girl. He loved that little girl to death. He taught her everything the family was too busy to teach. Her first word's were even 'Love you Adun'. He would do anything for this little girl. And they knew. They would threaten to harm little Ammory just so Adam would do extra. There were times where Adam even began to refuse to give in to Jessi but then Jessi would threaten to do those things to the girl. Adam would have to do what he said and wanted. They didn't care if she watched. Adam did, and that hurt him the most now. So far he's been trying to get Ms. Mallery to at least have someone take his sister. The day Ms. Grace came, Adam cried his eyes out. He gave everything he could about himself to give to Ammory, pictures, journal entries. The family didn't care when she left. They let her go. This was only part of what destroyed Adam's world. But having Ammory in safe hands gave him the hope that he could escape. Two weeks after Ammory went off to her new home, Adam went to go visit Ms. Mallery. She hadn't been at the school for a few days and he thought he'd pay her a visit. Her door was broken in.

"Ms. Mallery?"

He called. There was no answer. He gulped and slowly entered the house. "M-Ms. Mallery? Are you ok?" Still no answer. He climbed the stairs to her room. Adam gasped and let out a sob. Katrina Mallery lay dead on her bed. Her neck was slit, her skirt was hiked up, blood between her legs. Adam held her tightly and cried. He cried so hard his chest hurt. "You were like a Mother to me... I wish you were..." He said. "If we knew how must she meant to you, we would've killed her sooner." Adam looked up and glared at Jessi. "I hate you. I hate all of you!" Jessi chuckled as he put the knife he had in his pocket. "She put up a good fight. Wasn't worth it though. Wanna know how I did it?" Adam's eyes widened. He jumped off the bed but Jessi grabbed his arm and forced him down onto the bed. He started to flail and scream. "Let me go! Let me go Jessi!" Jessi chuckled again. He took out the knife and held it against Adam's neck and he tried to pull down his pants. Adam looked over at Ms. Mallery with tear-filled eyes. He closed his eyes then opened them again, lowering them into a glare. The next thing he knew, Jessi was cringing on the floor, holding his crotch. Blood trickled from Adam's neck from where Jessi's hand slipped with the knife. "No more." Adam said shakily. "I won't take... Any of your shit anymore." He got up and slowly made his way out of Ms. Mallery's house. He called 911 from a payphone, he said that he went to visit her but found that she had been raped and killed. The killer was still there and had attempted to do the same to him but Adam fought back and escaped. He didn't say names or anything. Jessi's fingerprints would be found and soon he'd be found along with the family and all the hell they put Adam. But Adam had an idea. Many ideas. Ideas on how to get back at them for all the hell they caused him. The police took too long to help him, so he was going to help himself.

Joseph was home. Adam wasn't going to make his move yet. He was going to wait for Jessi and Theresa to go grocery shopping. Once they were out of the way, it would be easier to do it. When Jessi came back an hour later, Adam pretended to be afraid. He said sorry and begged for forgiveness. Jessi just pushed him and went on with his day. Adam washed the dishes slowly, watching and waiting. Jessi and Theresa said their goodbyes to Joseph then left. Adam counted the seconds until Theresa's car pulled out of the driveway, then started to place the knives on the side of the sink. He'd wash a knife then wash the plates, wash a knife, then wash the bowls, wash a knife, then wash the pots. He did this until he had a significant amount of knives. He hid one up each sleeve when he heard approaching footsteps. Joseph was a retired boxer. He let alcohol rule his life causing him to be retired until he was permanently sober. It will be hard to down him but it won't be impossible. Adam jumped in mock fear when he felt hands on his shoulders.

"Why should Jessi get all the fun? You must be tired of him aren't you?"

Adam bowed his head and lowered his arms to his sides. He smirked. "You've had more experience and more years. He is much younger and inexperienced so I guess he get's boring after a while."

"So, why don't you try me on for size?" Joseph rubbed Adam's arms.

"You know, there's a name for people like you who let there crotch and the bad things in their lives rule over them." The knives slid out into Adam's hands.

"Oh? And what's that?"

"Bitch."

Adam spun one of the knives in his hand and shoved it into Joseph's stomach. He turned and glared at the older Man with so much hate. He sliced the air trying to cut him more but the boxer dodged almost everyone. He right-hooked Adam but he didn't falter. "I'm sick and tired of you guys beating me, starving me, raping me, torturing me. My whole childhood was spent not being able to sleep and not given the love my fucking teacher had to give me! I waited my whole life waiting to die!" Adam threw a knife into Joseph's chest. "Now it's time for you all to feel my pain." He punched the knife the rest of the way in then went to the garage. He went over to Joseph's desk and grabbed a small black box. He opened it and took out the small handgun. "One bullet. That's all I need." He mumbled. The car could be heard pulling up in the driveway. He slowly made his way upstairs to Theresa's room and lay down on the floor so that way the police would believe his self-defense story. Theresa climbed the stairs in a happy mood. She hadn't been in the kitchen. She sneered at Adam. "What the hell are you doing here?!" She hissed. "Getting rid of someone who shouldn't be." Adam said, pulling the trigger. The bullet hit Theresa right in the forehead. Her body fell to the floor with a thud. Adam stood up and slowly made his way back down the stairs. Jessi ran out of the kitchen calling "Mom something crazy-" He looked up at Adam in horror. Adam dropped the gun and kept walking down the stairs. He was tired but adrenaline still pumped through his veins. Jessi tried to punch him but Adam dodged it and broke Jessi's arm. Jessi cried out in pain and fell to the floor. Adam kneeled between Jessi's feet and took out the knife that was in his other sleeve. He cut into Jessi's leg, slowly sliding the blade down to his foot.

"You made my life a living hell."

Adam growled as he folded back Jessi's skin.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sor-"

"Shut up! You ruined my childhood. I have no friends, no allies. You raped and killed the only woman who loved and cared about me! I hope you burn in hell!"


Adam groaned as he lugged his groceries into the lonely apartment. It's been six years since he murdered-no- freed himself from his horrible family. He thought he would be free, he though he'd be happy and be able to move on. Instead, he heard their voices. They haunted him every single day. They became his demons, ones that wouldn't leave him alone. He rarely played his trusty violin. he now spent his days, developing and training his senses to detect a persons health status, carefully analyzing a persons habits and lifestyle until he was sure the person wouldn't be missed by anyone. That's when he'd get them alone and do to them what was done to him. Everyday, he'd hope that if he let one go, that they would either kill him or call the police. Either way, he still wanted to die. He put away his groceries and flopped down on his couch. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "I hope you're happy wherever you are Ammory. I hope your family is loving you and is treating you like the princess you are." He said aloud. He turned over and went to sleep.

The next day brought a new victim. He had short dirty blond hair, brown eyes, and was about 6'4". This was the one Adam was putting his fate up too. He sat in a chair near the examination table, with his head in his hands, waiting for the male to wake up. "Where am I?" He asked. Adam looked up. He was suddenly tired. "I didn't read your name. I don't think it matters..." He untied the man and sat on the floor. "I...I..." The male began. He looked down at Adam, gulped, then ran from the research building. "Please at least call the police..." Adam whispered as he lay down on the floor. 'Don't give up Adam.' He shot up and looked around, his heart pounding in his chest. "Ms. Mallery? Where are you?" He shook his head. No... She's dead. He stood up and left. As he walked, he felt more and more depressed. He sat down on one of the park benches and cried.

'Oh look at the baby.'

'Boohoo boohoo.'

'Little baby regret what he's done?'

'He can't even kill himself right!'

'He can't do anything right!'

'You got lucky even though they were suspicious about your self defense claim. What did it feel like putting that bullet through my brain?'

'Or kicking the knife into my chest?'

'Or stabbing me in blind anger?'

'You lied on the stand.'

'You say half lied.'

'But you know you just couldn't let them know that you got away with the best revenge you could think of.'

Adam gripped the sides of his head and groaned. "Sh-shut up..."

'You are no different than us.'

"NO I'M NOT!... No... No I'm not... I'm nothing like you..." He cried. "Excuse me." Adam jumped with a gasp. It was the man from earlier. "Hi... I... I just..." He jumped up and tried to run but the man grabbed his arm and pulled him close. Adam quickly pulled his sleeves down, covering his scars. The man seemed to notice but didn't say anything. "Why did you kidnap me? Then let me go?" He asked. Adam avoided his gaze. "Please just let me go." He whispered. It's been years since he uttered those words. "No, wait. Let's start over. My name is Eric Charles. I know this is weird but well... I was wondering, and a lot of people will call me crazy, but I was wondering if you would like to go out sometime. I just wanna get to know you better, and you look so sad." Eric held his hand out to shake Adam's hand. Adam shook it slowly. "I'm not sure... I'll think about it..." He said. "I have to go." He ran from the park, all the way back to his apartment. He didn't like this. Eric was sexy as hell but why did he want to know Adam? There was nothing interesting about him. He had the most boring life. He was a nobody. A sadistic, suicidal, unclean murderer who was a nobody.

The stranger known as Eric was persistent in trying to get Adam to come out with him. He finally accepted and nervously made his way to the little restaurant on the corner of his street. Eric was there, sitting at a table, wringing his hands nervously. Adam took a deep breath, opened the door, and went inside. He quickly went over to Eric's table and sat in the seat across from him. He smiled softly. "Hey." Eric said blushing lightly. "H-hey." Adam replied blushing darker. "I know this is crazy and what not but for some reason, I just had to get to know you more. I don't know why. There's just something about you, I've seen you somewhere. You were playing the violin so sadly. I heard your story. I felt your pain. I just knew from that moment that I had to see you again. I wanted to make that sadness go away. I wanted to be with you. Sounds crazy doesn't it?" Adam smiled. He was touched. He teared up. "You were the only one who could hear me. The only one that listened. But..." He wiped his eyes. "I've done and been through things in the past. I'm a terrible person. I'm screwed up. Throughout my life, I've been told that I was worthless, a nobody... I am a nobody. I don't think it's worth it... Dating me." Eric held Adam's hand. "I don't care. You are not worthless. I have no problem dating you. No matter what you do or did. When it comes down to it, I will love you no matter what." Adam looked up at him surprised. "L-love? Me? You'd love me?" He asked. Eric blushed darker and nodded. "If I spent more time with you, I have a feeling that I will fall in love with you. I like you a lot." Adam pulled his hand back and sat on both of them. "I... Eric... I'm so sad... Sad to the point where I want to die everyday. I wish that the killers and murderers in my area would stop overlooking me and just kill me. I still hear THEIR voices in my head... Telling me that I'm just like them. That I'm a failure. That I can never do anything right... I can't live with this... I can't live with these voices, this heaviness. This depression..." Adam smiled through his tears. Eric stood up.

"God Adam."

He whispered, grabbed said male's hand, and left, paying the waiter a lot of money in the process. Once they were outside, Eric hugged the male tightly. "Don't say that. Don't you ever say that! I will find a way to save you. I will save you from yourself. Just please promise to keep seeing me. Answer my calls, let me take you anywhere you want to go, just don't quit when you've just begun."

Such an empty promise. I see that now. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Adam nodded his head. "I promise."


Two years go by. Adam has been balancing his cutting and murdering hobby with his relationship with Eric. They have grown closer, Eric has even moved it. Recently, it's been hard being around Eric. Every-time Eric was near Adam, Adam would start blushing darkly. His heart would race, and he would get a strange sensation down below. He had been trying to keep his distance from the other until he understood what the hell was wrong. "Adam what's wrong?" Eric asked as he gently grabbed his arm. He'd been wondering why Adam was ignoring him. The brunette yelped and and jumped away with a blush. "Y-yeah, I'm fine..." Eric picked him up and sat him down on the counter. "Tell me what's really going on Adam. You've been avoiding me." Adam tried to avoid his gaze but Eric's concerned and amused look made it hard. "I-it's just that... Well... Recently, whenever you touch me, I get all warm and fuzzy. Then I'm wishing you'd touch me more. I-I mean I know I said that I don't like to b-be touched because of what they d-did to me but you, y-you make me want to be touched all over by just y-you. But just... just." Adam leaned forward and kissed Eric softly. Eric chuckled and kissed back a little harder. "I don't know about you, but I liked that a lot." The smaller male nodded then blushed even darker. "I-I liked it but for now let's just kiss. I-I'm not ready to do more- at least I-I think I'm not ready. B-but at the same time, I want you to touch me anywhere, everywhere, even down there. God Eric. I-I want you to d-do things to me that will m-make BDSM lose meaning-" Eric kissed him again. "You could've said shut up." Adam whispered. "I was loving every word you were saying, your lips were just too tempting." Eric replied. "Believe me Adam. I have some ideas for when we do get down to business. Now isn't the official time. It'll be soon though. I promise you that." Adam pouted.

The day came in the form of a day out. Eric had taken Adam to the mall for a date. They snuck into movies, ate at a food court, then went clothes shopping. Eric had went into the spacious dressing room with Adam, they each were trying on clothes. Eric was watching Adam's slender yet bruised body sway a little as he slipped into a pair of fashionably ripped jeans with a black tank-top. He stood behind Adam and wrapped his arms around him while he kissed at his neck. Adam grinned and let out a soft moan. "Do you still want it that bad? We can always go home." He shook his head. "I want it right here. Right now. Do whatever you want." Eric smirked and made sure the door was locked. He picked up one of the belts he had brought in the room and tied Adam's hands behind his back. He pulled down the jeans and took them off. "Go on your knees for me please?" Adam did so, leaned over the bench, and looked back at Eric with lustfilled eyes and want. "Be patient love."

"Don't wanna..."

Eric chuckled and smirked. He open a bottle of lotion and coated his fingers with it. "Relax ok love?" Adam nodded. Eric easily slipped in two fingers and scissored them within the other male, stretching and preparing him lovingly and slow. Adam pressed his hips back, getting impatient.


Eric looked down at Adam and kissed the top of his head. He sighed softly in his sleep and snuggled closer to Eric. 'What did they do to you? How can I fix what they destroyed?' Eric thought to himself. Adam cringed and began to shake and whimper in his sleep. "It's ok Adam. It's ok. I'm here." Eric whispered. "I love you Adam."

Haven't slept in two days. This took way to freakin long to type!