I killed someone today.

I stare at the paper, littered with a mixture of rain, and tears, and sorrow, and I just- I can't. I've never been that good with words, but I know that sentence was far too simple to do my world justice.

I killed someone today.

That wasn't it, was it? It's not that I killed someone that is so awful. His life ended because of me, but that can be forgiven. After all, we're in war, aren't we? No, I don't feel guilty for killing him.

I stole someone.

Ending his life can be justified, but I will never be able to justify taking him. He, like every one of the men out there today had a family. He had a mother, and a father, and maybe siblings. Maybe he had a wife and child. He had people praying every night that he came home safe.

I stole from all of them.

Grace will never be won by them. There is no justification.

I condemned them.

Losing someone that you care deeply for, that's not something anyone can get past. His family, even his friends, will mourn for the rest of their lives.

And I did that to them.

I can't help but wonder what he was like. Was he the person who brought a smile to everyone's faces? Was he the one who could light a room up with laughter? Or was he the one that not everyone could love? Was he the type of man that it took guts to fall in love with, and even more guts to understand?

I'll do it again.

I'm not the one making decisions here. I can't say, go home, stop killing. I can't say, put down your guns. If we surrender, we die. I run, I die.

It's not a huge sacrifice.

But the aftermath is. Just like him, the nameless soldier on the other end of No-Man's Land, my death would cause multiple lifetimes of hurt.

And me, I'm selfish.

The people who love me and whom I love are more important than his own family. They're more important than an entire world of people and their families. I will kill for them, I will die for them. But I will not die for nameless soldiers and their nameless, faceless families.

So I keep going.

Stealing, murdering, all in the name of love.

And I'll never stop.