Hyung & I

Story 1

Is This Love?

Today had been the worst day of my life. The last day of school was usually a pleasurable one, but today had brought me nothing but misery. Not only had I discovered that I had failed one of my classes, though I had made A's in all of the others, but I also learned that my parents were separating. They had told me it was "for the best", but somehow I highly doubted that it would be in my best interests. I had friends whose parents had divorced. Their family was separate, broken, never to be mended. The children's very lives seemed to be split into two parts: one with the father, the other with the mother. I had heard the horror stories of having to pack up all of your things periodically so that you could go to the other parent's place. I had fled to my room as soon as they had told me. Throwing myself onto my bed, I pulled my pillow close to me and stared through my window, past the glass, at the night sky beyond. Tears now streamed freely from my eyes. The tears from my right eye slid over the bridge of my nose, underneath my left eye, then finally splashed against my pillow. Why were they doing this to me? It wasn't fair! They were the ones who couldn't get along, who couldn't manage to live with the other. Why was I the one that was forced to face the consequences? Shouldn't they have to pack their things every six months to come stay at the house that I would steadily live in? I will have to leave my friends every sic months, then wait a whole half of a year to see them again. In now way was this fair. I would end up living two lives. Two families. Two schools. Two sets of friends. Two of me. That was hardly a way to live. I buried my face deeper into my pillow, willing all of this away. The knock on my bedroom door brought me back to the reality I knew I could not escape. I said nothing, for I didn't want either of my parents here with me now. The knock rang out again, loud and clear against the wood of the door. The door handle turned slowly and the door was pushed gently open. Not even turning to look, I knew it was not my father. "Gentle" was a word that could never be used to describe my father or anything he did. There was only one other person in the house. As if somehow synchronized to my thoughts, my mother sat down lightly on the side of my bed.

"Jonathan," she began, slowly, "I know this is going to be hard for you, but you have to know that your father and I would never do anything to hurt you."

For some reason, apparently unknown to her, her consolation fell on deaf ears.

"I'm never going to agree with what you and Dad are doing, so please don't waist your time, trying to make me understand." I felt the bed shift slightly as she recoiled, unaccustomed to the venom that was in my voice tonight. Without moving, I glanced at the clock. "It's late." We said nothing else, but she rose silently and left. The door echoed a sound of finality as it shut behind her. I rolled over, onto my back, so that I could stare at the ceiling. With all the lights off I saw only vague colors, shapes and shadows about the room. I tried to let myself become completely numb to the world, to lose all feeling and simply sink into the moment, become one with the black void inside my room. Minutes passed by like hours as I tried painstakingly, but to no avail. I rotated onto my side again to look out the window. If only I could become a star. If only I could fly up into the night sky. Oh, how I would shine and glow, a blazing celestial light, set like a twinkling diamond into the glistening jeweled face of the twilight sky Surely, I would not be the brightest of them, but I would shine my light proudly amongst the others, all of us different and yet, all of us the same. A quiet tapping sounded, shattering the quiet stillness of the night. I slowly scooted up, pressing myself against the headboard. I didn't know how much time had passed since my mother had left, but I assumed both my parents were asleep by now and so, I risked turning on the small lamp that rested on a nightstand. Instantly light shone about the room, although it illuminated little and cast deep shadows in the corners and crevices of the room. The noise echoed out once again as I searched for its' origin. Finally, I realized that it was coming from the outside of my window. I threw my legs over the side of the bed, dropping my pillow I had once pressed so tightly against me to rest on the mattress. I would not describe the feeling I felt as fear, more as curiosity, neither eager, nor hesitant. I reached my window and looked with anticipation past the pane. I exhaled in relief when I saw who had been making tapping gently against my window. It was a good friend from my high-school. I lethargically opened the window.

"Hyung, what are you doing here?"

"Can I come in first?" I nodded and stepped back as he swung his leg over the window sill and pulled himself into my room. I closed the window behind him, then turned and sat on the sill. He sat down at the foot of my bed as he spoke to me, "Jonathan...I heard about your parents."

My eyes drifted to the carpeting that covered my bedroom floor"Really? How?"

"Your Mom talked to my Mom before they made the final decision."

"Oh." Though I didn't know why, I tried to keep my emotions under control. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to do something. I didn't want to do anything. My feelings spun and twisted inside of me, but I didn't know what to do with them, how to deal with them. I didn't understand. My raging emotions built like a flood inside of me, my eyelids were the last refuge, the dam that blocked their passionate release.

"How are you holding u-"

The dam gave way and the flood rushed from me, interrupting him mid-sentence. I pressed my hands against my face as I sobbed. As if nature were a mirror, a heavy rain began to pound against the roof.

"It's not fair, Hyung!" I pleaded, glad that the crashing rains would cover the strained sounds of my voice. He rushed to me, pulling me into an embrace.

"No, no, it's not." He assured me as I continued to mumble feeble, agonized cries intelligibly. In that moment, I was more grateful for him than I had ever been; he held me up when, had I been alone, I would not have been able to do it for myself. I slid down to the floor helpless, save for his arms keeping me upright. He placed his strong, slender hands on either side of my head and pushed my head slightly away from him. His almond-shaped eyes bore into mine.

"Hey, you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay."

My face was soaked with tears, but I nodded as my body trembled unevenly with mild sobs. His thumbs swept my bottom eye-lids protectively, wiping away the fresh tears that spilled from my eyes.

"Trust me." He whispered, my face cupped in his hands. He scooted back, putting his back against the bed, then positioned me beside him. My eyebrows pulled together in grief as I stifled another sob. Seeing my mournful tremors, he wrapped his arm around me and placed his hand on my shoulder. I rested my head against his shoulder, my legs folded up underneath me. Time seemed to freeze and it was in that moment that I realized: never had I felt like this. Although sadness enveloped me, I felt entirely safe here, lying against Hyung. I felt like I had finally found where I belonged, where I was meant to be. Never had I felt like this. Never before. I didn't understand.

"I'll be staying mostly with my Mom, and she'll be moving away from here." Hyung only nodded slowly in response. "Hyung..." I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to leave him, not now...not ever. He brought his left hand across him and pressed his index finger softly against my lips. I tilted my head up to look at him as he tilted down to look at me; his dark, brown eyes met my light, blue.

"I know." He knew what I had wanted to tell him, that I did not want to leave him. How? I didn't care. He lowered his finger from my lips, moving his hand down to lace the fingers of his left hand between the fingers of my right. My heart fluttered. There was no hesitation in his movements. He acted without trepidation. Our hands, intertwined, rested on his knee as he softly brushed his thumb across the back of my hand. The rain splattered loudly against the roof, creating a crashing, though soothing, sound and raindrops slipped and slid down the glass as the two of us stared through it. Time came. Time left, with our hands folded in each other's.

"You can't go back home in the rain." I squeezed his hand a little tighter, "Will you stay with me?"

"Always."

I scooted closer to him, feeling the warmth that seemed to radiate from him as my head fell to rest on a spot in between his shoulder and his chest. In that instant, I wished that reality might leave the two of us alone, might leave the two of us together. In that instant, I hoped that all eternity might be spent like this. In that instant, I thought, is this love?