A/N: It's been awhile...? Yeaaah? Sorry, I'll just leave this here. Also, sorry if there's any mistakes. As of right now, it's 5AM and I've been writing this and editing since 10PM.

Chapter 8

You know how sometimes when you're at home, you hit this eureka moment? Or in the same way, you get home and you automatically get that urge to pee? Is it because when you think of it, you also think "safe haven?" Essentially, it's a place where you associate "comfort" with and start to let go of things that stressed you out in the day. And after letting go, you start to get all these things coming to you, as if your potential was being blocked by some dam and it just now broke.

Am I right?

Is that why, once I had made it home from school I got an idea for my blog? Maybe, just maybe.

Throwing my shoes off, I tossed my keys onto a nearby surface and rushed to my room. My laptop was already on, probably because Remy was using it earlier, but thank goodness it was up. Clicking onto the bookmark that lead to my blog, I immediately started to write.

Something about talking to Nate and remembering things I didn't want to, it had me wanting to write. It made me want to get rid of any thoughts in my mind. Especially when I start to reminisce about things that hurt me back in the day…

All that negative stuff, it just needs to go.

Have you ever watched the person you love slowly lose interest in you? No? Good, because if you have, you know it hurts. A lot.

It starts off as little, you can't quite put your finger on it, but something seems different. Something has changed. It's like everything feels slightly off all of sudden, like a Monday morning after a huge get together.

By the time that stage is over, the differences start to get bigger. You can almost hear it in their voice, you can see it in their eyes. The eyes once full of sparkle are now dull, but only with you. Weird, isn't it? From that point on, there's no questioning it. It has to be you, you're the problem. You start to overthink every single thing you've done.

Things like… "Was it because I refused to order pizza for him? Was it because I forced him to come shopping with me? Does he hate me now because I rescheduled our outing just so that we could meet up with some friends? What could it be that turned his eyes so dull towards me?"

You constantly wonder what you did and that maybe, is it fixable?

The signs that show that he's fully gone now, are when you start to wake up to no texts. When calls become fewer and farther between. When the lack of effort goes from halfway being there to nothing at all anymore. And soon, there will be more excuses beginning to pile up.

It'll start to tear you apart, to the point where you hysterically cry in your car at two in the morning, because you can't hold it in anymore. When you can't pull yourself together and result in taking extra measures just so that you can stay for the ride a little longer. It's not surprising that nothing will work anymore. Not even your favorite hobbies.

You'll know when it's coming, and when you think "before it's too late," it's actually already too late. The person you love, they're at the point of no return. You can't do anything to stop it.

You can't stop the aching in your heart either.

Heartbreaking, isn't it?

"Done…" Biting my lip, I was proud of what I had just written. Odd. Such heart wrenching words, yet my heart as of right now felt free.

In all my years of being in the dating world, never once have I been confused whether or not I was going to be on one. But as of right now, sitting in my living room with Nate eating Chinese food, I can't pinpoint whether or not this could be considered as a date. I mean, we had a location. That's a start right? He also gave a promised time beforehand.

God, I don't even know anymore.

For it to be a date though, the two people in question have to have some kind of interest in one another or at least some feelings. So, maybe, I can't consider this a date. It's kind of like a meeting then, yeah, that. I'll call it that, because it's not like I want it to be a date. Not so soon, after all I swore off things like this because thoughts like these could wreck me.

"So," I started, picking at my mu shu chicken. "What exactly did I sign my soul away to?"

Nate stopped mid bite and looked at me. He set down his food and cleared his throat, "Just to keep me company."

That's all? Something tells me that whatever he said wasn't right. There's got to be some kind of catch to all of this. I've never really been a muse before, not that I know of, but I always thought it was something with more responsibility. As one, wasn't I supposed to be his model? Especially since he's majoring in video production, doesn't that mean I'm technically his exclusive actress now? "Really?"

Raising an eyebrow, he smirked at me. "I mean, what else is there for you to do?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. I guess, I thought I would be more in a way. Not that I want to be, just, what did those other girls in the past want?"

He openly cringed at the thought of the other girls; were those memories really that bad? It's not like they stalked him or ruined his work, right? "Well, from what I remember… Basically, they all thought that as my muse – they would be 'my everything' and that all my videos or photos would be of them. There's another one, this was a serious case. She couldn't act for shit but she always insisted on being the female antagonist. To be the antagonist though, you kind of need to be good at acting so I already knew she had to go."

I laughed at how ridiculous that sounded, "Is that some kind of rule? Why did you even consider her your muse if she couldn't act? Isn't that supposed to be a given requirement of yours?"

He nodded in an exaggerate way, "Oh yeah, totally. To be mean, you have to have skill. Didn't anyone ever tell you that? But, anyways, I guess she matched the ideal image that I had of my character. Just her looks though, personality wise she was a total opposite which sucked. I had to trash that idea."

Nodding along to his story, I continued to listen to him before I asked – "What was that story about?"

"Curious?" He asked, giving me this look that I knew way too well. Remy always gave it to me whenever I said that I didn't like a singer but was singing their song anyway. Just like with her, I returned the look with a blank stare. This made him laugh and shake his head in a manner that showed he was giving in. "I called it 'Before Her,' it's about a girl and how she's trying to have closure with her ex. All the things she's wanted to say, but couldn't come out before. It starts out venomous, but in the end…"

Nate paused mid-sentence. Instead of finishing his story, he was looking at me. I nudged him, "Come on, tell me, in the end what?"

"You'll just have to find out," he answered. "Or, a matter of fact, you probably won't since I trashed it."

I see how it is now, "Fine be that way."

Feeling the frustration come to me, I got up and walked towards my kitchen. I grabbed myself a bottle of water and looked out to my living room, taking in the view of Nate inside my apartment. It wasn't like he was out of place, to be honest, he actually kind of fitted in. As if this was his home and not mine, like I was the one intruding instead of him. How does he do that? I tried picturing Bennett, from the time we were going out, and how he never seemed to do what Nate was so well at.

Fitting in with things that associated with me.

Bennett always stood out like a sore thumb here, always so awkward and uncomfortable.

"Aurora," Nate called out, not turning around. Good thing too, or else he would've saw me staring at him. Instead, he was too busy searching through his backpack for something. Once found, he took it out and sprawled it open on the floor. "The real reason why I pushed for this whole thing was so that you could help me with this. I know I said that all you needed to do was keep me company, but I also need your body too."

I choked on the water that I had taken in from before, "Holy shit, okay, urgh."

Nate turned around to look at me. He had a look of half confusion and half amusement. "You okay there princess?"

"Need my body?" I questioned, glaring at him.

A chuckle escaped his lips, "As in acting and modeling, chill."

"Okay…" I mumbled.

But before I could relax again, Nate added onto his sentence from before. "But it could be more, if you want…"

I looked around, trying to find something I could chuck at the guy. On the counter of my kitchen were my keys from before. I picked it up and threw it. It hit him square in the chest, needless to say it didn't do much.

Nate put his hands up in a surrendering motion, "Not taking my statement back or apologizing, but really. Come over here. See this."

Placing my water bottle somewhere, I walked over to where Nate was and looked down at the notebook. To say that it was neat would be a lie, there were scribbles everywhere. Some were upside down, others went around the edges of the book, and if you looked at it as a whole you could see sticky notes sticking out in all sorts of places. It was messy, but also intense. All Nate's passion and ideas were in this, this could be considered a bible if looked at seriously enough.

"Explain what all this stuff means," I implored.

Nate grabbed my arm and pulled me down to sit next to him. I could feel the warmth radiating off his arm. We were a little too close for my comfort, but it seemed like it hardly phased him. He was too busy concentrating on his notebook to even see that a girl was beside him. Well then.

"Okay, so, you see this?" Nate asked, pointing to the top corner of the paper. I look down, scribbled in that spot was a quote.

It seemed familiar, "…have you ever liked someone, but the timing was always off?"

"That's my original idea that I approached you with, and so the stuff around it are things that I brainstormed. Seems possible, right? Let's do this." Everything was moving way too fast. "If not, we can do the second part of the idea, and that's right here."

Trying to decipher his chicken scratch, I looked at where his finger was pointed at now. "Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?"

Do all these ideas have something to do with love? Why do they have to be about something I don't want to associate myself with anymore? Looking over at Nate, I give him this look. It was a glare mixed with some kind of desperate look that I hoped said – "please don't let me do this."

"You're it, I need you." Was all he could respond back with; he sure knows how to flatter a girl. "The girl in these ideas practically screams you, down to the last hair. You're perfect."

Was my heart supposed to jump a little at that? I think not. To distract myself a little from my weak heart I start re-reading over his plans, trying to picture things how he would. After all, this notebook was a gateway to how this guy thought.

In one corner, there was the quote and underneath was another. Across from where the quotes were was a small doodle, tiny yet so detailed. Right beside that doodle were a list of traits, personality and physical that the main character had to have. On the way bottom was a list, it contained something that seemed like dialogue.

Just reading over all this seemed like it was too much. The page was practically covered in scribbles, and the thought that every other page in this 3-subject notebook being the same – whoa.

"Let's start soon," excitement was practically dripping off every word he had just said. His eyes were sparkling and instead of the smirk he's always wearing, a smile had replaced it. Super rare. Just seeing this made me think that some kind of unusual occurrence was going to happen, like a snowstorm or something.

He closed the notebook and stared straight into my eyes, "Oh yeah, did I tell you that this story has to be told in sixty seconds?"

I felt defeated. Just what exactly have I gotten myself into…