A/N: And here I am with yet another story. I wasn't going to post this so early but decided to anyway because I'm so hyped about it (as you can probably tell by the length of this chapter). So anyway, I hope you enjoy this story and feel free to review with some advice on what I can do better. Thanks and enjoy…
Chapter 1: Loss and Pain
'Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.' Norman Cousins
The thing about loss is it never goes away. Time may pass and their voices, looks and memories may begin to fade in your mind but never does the pain of losing someone you love. Time does not repair the loss, it rather covers it, kicks it into the dark corner where only when nothings on our mind do we go and think about it again, recovering it from the dust, cobwebs and shadows.
I always thought I understood pain, the feeling that itches it way across your skin when you injure yourself. I thought that was pain but hindsight all that was physical pain, and physical pain is nothing more than shock if you really think about it. Emotional pain, emotional pain is the real pain. It unlike physical pain never goes away, it stays with you, even when you think it's gone.
Its summer but the air is cold. I wrap arms around my waist and squeeze tight as I try to stop the tears from falling. My throat burns from the effort, my eyes sting from the tears. In front of me the church bells chime, loud and clear in the still air. Dark grey clouds are gathering in the sky, this afternoon's summer storm. I barley hear the old bishops monotone voice. His talking about my parents, people he never knew. The only people I know are my friends and their parents who stand around me and if they weren't here I'd feel so out of place.
"My there rest peacefully in god's hands." The bishop concludes and I feel a stiff laugh form at the back of my throat.
Is it irony to say such a thing about people who are not religious? I don't know and I don't really care. I just want to leave this graveyard. I want to forget this all. People begin to move forwards, preparing themselves to lower my parents into the ground. I can no longer watch. Turning a slowly pick my way through the crowd, ignoring my friends questions and the unknown stares. Once away from the crowd I start into a run, glad I pick my ballet flats over my heels.
I'm not sure where I was going but soon enough I find myself entering the park I used to always visit with my parents. It's quite, hidden away from the naked eye. Settling myself onto the grass I watch the sky above me, closing my eyes with every warm breeze. The grass is soft and moves easily with the breeze and before I know it I find my eyes dropping and my breath calming and then I see nothing.
The night is quiet. Nothing makes a sound tonight. With no breeze the air is hot with no relief and nothing feels like moving for it would take away more energy that what any life had. I see a girl lying on the couch. I know she's alone in the house as I know it's me. I am humming softly to my music the sounds of 'Of Monsters and Men' can just be heard from the earphones. It doesn't take me long to realise that this is the night I find my dead parents.
Realisation hitting me I look for the clock. Nine thirty-nine. Right on time. Looking to my left I note the shadows curling across the back porch and so does dream me. Together we slowly walk towards the door but where I stop she keeps going.
"Hello?" she questions into the still air, leaning out the door in an effort to spot someone.
The place is so quiet it feels like she never spoke. Being me though dream me continues outside, slipping on her flip-flops and jumping down to the grass. Looking the way the shadows went she begins walking the opposite way and I run to catch up. Turning the corner I halt. Even though I've lived this before I will always react the same way when I spot my parents for the first time. With the last light from the setting sun the bodies seem greyer then what they should, there's eyes glazed brighter than any other dead persons.
They lie together, side by side like they were most of their lives. They hands just touch each other. Suddenly I scream fills the night. It's me or dream me. I hold my breath as I watch myself collapse to the ground screaming and crying, eyes wide. I get a glimpse at my eyes. They are filled with more emotion then I ever think I've felt. I can hear the sounds of people now. I don't remember them the night I found my parents but I guess this is different. Mr Arron's makes it to me first.
"What is it-" I hear him begin before he spots my parents. Slowly he steps towards them crouching as he begins to feel there pulse.
"It's no use Mr Arron's," another voice sounds, "They have been dead for days."
It is Dr Allen who says that. I don't remember her coming but soon I realised she was the one the rubbed my back as I broke down by the side of my house. I want to know more about the night but I feel something wet land on my face and before I have time to take one last look at my parents I wake up.
I wake up with a start, bolting upright. It takes me a moment to gather myself. Funeral, park, dream. Storm. Looking up I realise it's begin to rain, the sky now a dark grey. Thunder ripples its way across the sky and I know I need to head home before the bunt of it hits. Hopping up I slip off my shoes and start into a run.
I love the feeling you get when you run. It's hard to explain that beating in your chest as your feet hit the ground in even strides or the deep breaths you take as you try that little harder. I love the way the wind feels as you round the next corner and the small voice in your head that tells you not to give up when you're tried and ready to drop. I love how it clears your mind from problems and that moment of invincibility you get as run that little further.
It doesn't take long to get home although I am dripping wet once I reach my house. As I run up the drive way I look up to see my friends sitting around on the front porch, quietly speaking to one another.
"Hey guys!" I call coming to a halt by my mother's BMW. They all seem to jump in surprise at my voice and I note the relief in their eyes as they notice it is only me.
"Bay there you are!" Pria calls, bonding down the steps and straight for me. Iona and River remain on the porch watching as Pria pulls me into a hug.
"Where have you been?" she ask as she lets go, gripping my shoulders.
"Oh you know, around," I say casually, leading her and myself up to the front door, reaching for the keys in pocket as I go.
Pria rolls her eyes at my answer.
"Around where?" she ask me as the others walk up to the door to greet us.
"The park and before you ask all I did was take a nap," I reply slipping the key into the lock and turning it forcefully to the left.
Once I've pushed the door open I turn to face Pria. I watch as her cunning eyes scan over me, obviously trying to decide whether or not to believe my story.
"Okay then, but next time don't run off like that. You had us all worried."
"Sure I did."
After a dinner of toasted sandwiches we all settled down for a movie upstairs in the screening room. It took a while but we final settled on The Avengers. The others had decided to stay over due to the day's events and secretly I was happy there where. This evening storm was still raging on creating the perfect movie night mood. I was tuck up in the single recliner, a bowl of popcorn placed in my lap. The majority of the time the others were quiet as they watch the dreamy superheros do there super thing. That was I rare thing when watching a movie. Them being silent that is.
As the movie came to an end I glance over at my three best friends who were all perched on the three seater. I had known them all since I was younger as our parents where close friends and work mates. Whenever one of them went away on business they would always leave us in the care of another parent.
Sitting closest to me is Pria. Pria is the oldest of the group and is always making sure we are in check. She is average in height and is amazing at the arts. She has the curly yet straight brown hair and greeny-blue eyes that just radiated life. Pria was a bit of a procrastinator just like me but she still manage to get A's unlike me.
In the middle of the group is River. River is short for our age and we don't let a moment go by when we don't remind her. She is a math and science wiz and just a bit to kind for her own good. Her coffee brown eyes seemed to hold more knowledge then you thought might be in the world. She also had this chestnut coloured hair that was always frizzy. While she hated it I thought I was quite beautiful.
On the end of the couch is Iona. Iona is certainly the Tom boy of the group although she has had more boyfriends then any of us (since she is the only one who has). Iona was brilliant when it came to Humanities and English and was always caught with a book in hand. She had long straight blond hair no one was allowed to touch and these light grey, almost blue eyes that were always examining things.
"Well that was good," Iona says as the credits begin to roll. Nodding I watch as the others begin to stretch out.
"Pria what's the time?" River asks next as she yawns.
"Um… eleven thirty-seven," Pria replies standing up.
"Bed time!" River shouts causing me to crack a smile.
"I'm down for bed," Iona yawns as she also stands turning of the movie as she begins to leave the room.
"Yeah, night guys," Pria says as she begins to leave to the guest rooms down stairs where the others are sleeping.
Nodding my head at them all I watch as they silently leave. Peace at last. Remaining in the chair I think back over the event of the week. It's a strange to think that your life can be destroyed in nothing more than a mere week, that you can be so happy and in a second it's all changed. I guess that's the funny thing about life, nothing can be perfect forever. Whenever you think life's starting to get back on track it just throws another thing in your face.
The thoughts bring tears back to my eyes and before anyone can catch me I quickly run to my room, silently closing the door. Sobs rack my body now and I can't stop no matter how I hard I try. Stumbling to my bed I pull myself into a ball as I allow myself five minutes of weakness. I mutter curses to whoever crosses my mind all while wondering why I can't stop crying and then finally as the tears begin to stop falling and my head feels like it's about to break open I feel myself fall into a dark and dreamless sleep.