The other day I
was talking to my mother
and she said
something that made me
grit my teeth because
it's all bullshit

I suggested
that my brother
go to park
from his friends
from church

and my mother
turned to me
and said

"it's the
same thing
as us
telling you
to go to church"

and I'm jut
so fucking angry
because
how in the hell
can that
be the same thing
as standing around
believing in something
that I can't see?

I'm not a
fucking agnostic
I'm an atheist
and although
I think about God
a lot more than
anybody else right now
my belief
in Him
is gone

and so
it's not the same

suggesting to
go out with friends
is not the same as
telling someone
"you should go to church"

and my mother's words
reminded me of my father
and what he said to me
in the months
I tried to convince him
that I never
wanted to be a part
of the church

he told me that
if I didn't go
I would have to
help out
at the local food bank

he told me that
I could either join the church
or do service
to the the town
and I
I just can'it

how can you call sitting and standing around
in a stuffy church for two hours straight
count as going out in the world
and doing something for someone?

it doesn't
it just doesn't

so how dare you
tell me
it's the same thing

my father
still won't talk to me
like I'm
a fucking idiot
at fifteen
but let me tell you something

it makes me angry
to tears
to hear my mother
and my father
talk to me
like this

going on roller coasters
and helping the less fortunate
is not thesame
as standing in a church

you are not
a better person
just because
you say you go to church
and you
use his name in vain
you use it as an excuse

(reminds me that
if you say
"God strike down the homosexual"
I'll tell you
to fuck off
or that
I'll see you in hell)

you are not
a better person
because you go to church
because you say you believe in a God
it's different
when you do something
good
in His name
it's different
if you feel a calling
to help those
in His name

but don't you
ever
imply
that any of those
are the same thing
because it's
just bullshit
and I've got
a thing or two more to say

and I know
I talk
a lot about God
but at least I
can see the difference
in this.

(you are not better than me because you go to church. standing around and talking about God is not the same thing as helping out in a shelter. telling someone to go to church is not the same goddamn thing as telling them to help out somewhere, where people need you, or going into a theme park.

and how dare you
assume
that I'll just
sit back
and take it.)