de-pres-sion [dih-presh-uh n]
a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.
It started out as a tiny black hole.
When I was in elementary school I was obsessed with my appearance- did my hair look good? Was my nose too big? Were my arms longer than normal? Mirrors told me that I was averagely pretty and that I was slender, but I was afraid that I was wasn't seeing myself the way everyone else saw me. I thought that my mind was tricking me into thinking that I looked normal. I always had this feeling gnawing at me, but I managed to ignore it.
Until middle school came around and made matters worse. I soon came to understand that in middle school you either have to be a bitch or a pushover.
And I would have been a bitch if I had the guts.
I slowly transformed from being bright and bubbly to quiet and cowardly. Whenever I heard laughter from behind me in class I had to reassure myself that the voices weren't laughing at me. I was convinced my friends hated me and my family only put up with me because they had to. My mind went to a dark place and it never really left. The black hole grew bigger, sucking up the ghost of who I once was.
Last year I started high school. In the beginning all was well. My classmates became more bearable and my friends acted like they cared a little more. I met kids who had the same interests as me. I thought I could fit in and be happy.
I don't know what happened. There wasn't a single event that threw my over the edge. There wasn't a moment where I was like "shit, I'm depressed." It was a gradual realization that crept into my mind and I still don't know what put it there. Sure, I've always felt insecure but really I had it good. I wasn't really bullied. Nothing tragic had ever really happened to me.
I had no reason to feel so fucking useless.
And that made it worse. I hated myself for it. There were people in the world with actual problems, people who had endured suffering, seen death and been in wars. And here I was- a pathetic teenage girl who spent her nights in bed feeling sorry for herself.
So that's the end of my intro. I hope you like this and don't think that our main character is too whiny or pitiful. Please leave constructive critism in reviews!
All of the next chapters will focus on only one day and therefore will be much more detailed and longer