Loved That Guy

Thump-thump

thump-thump

Right here

Feel it

Thump-thump

thump-thump

Feel it?

That's her heartbeat

Thump-thump

thump-thump

He looks away

Stands up

Thump-thump

thump-thump

I don't feel

Anything

Thump-thump

thump-thump

Don't worry, baby girl

He will

Thump-thump

thump-thump

~oOoOoOo~

My guy

He loves me

I know he does

He may look away

from me

He may struggle

to show his love.

But he loves me

He'll love the baby

I know he will

He just

needs to see her.

He'll love her

And we'll be

The perfect family

~oOoOoOo~

Last night

I heard a noise

in the living room

Last night

I stood up

and went in there

Last night

I saw him

on the couch

Last night

He was there

with another woman

Last night

I screamed

I yelled

Last night

I threw her out

Locked the door

He said nothing

I said nothing

We went to bed

breathing in the silence

Last night

He said nothing

I said nothing

~oOoOoOo~

Just left a note

to say

I love you

So much

~oOoOoOo~

My little girl

Is not my little girl

No, my little girl

Is my little guy.

My son is beautiful

My son is wonderful.

I love the way

he giggles

when I tickle his feet.

I love sound

of his breathing

when he sleeps.

I love how he

sighs

when the sun touches his skin.

My guy

loves our little guy.

He just

struggles to show it.

He loves him.

I know he does.

~oOoOoOo~

Today

was wonderful

Today

was amazing

Today,

my guy

was so happy

Today,

he took me and our little guy

in his arms.

He hugged us close,

took us outside.

We danced

in the sun.

We danced,

until the rain chased us inside.

He played with our son

as I made lunch.

We had a picnic in the living room,

and laid down together.

We whispered promises to each other.

And after dinner,

he sent his friends away.

Said he needed to spend time

with his family.

Today was wonderful.

~oOoOoOo~

I miss him

when he goes away.

My little guy

misses him

when he goes away.

He goes for days.

Sometimes weeks.

And we sit and wait.

When he goes away.

~oOoOoOo~

I needed to get out.

I needed some air.

I left my mother

with the baby.

I was at the store

when I felt it.

When I knew.

I ran out of the store.

Ran down the block.

I saw my guy

In the middle of a crowd.

There was blood spilling out of his mouth

A gun in his hand.

I screamed.

I ran for home.

I burst through the door.

Ran past my mother

asleep on the floor.

I threw open the door,

saw my little guy.

There, in his crib.

Blood coming from his mouth.

~oOoOoOo~

Never again

will my little guy giggle

when I tickle his feet

Never again

will his breaths soothe my ears

when he sleeps.

Never again

will he sigh

when the sun touches his skin.

Never again

will my guy love me.

Never again

will my guy dance with me.

Never again

will we whisper promises to each other.

My guy.

My little guy.

I loved that guy.