It wasn't until I lost you that I realized how much I truly cared.
I was in love with the memory of a girl I never had, and I let go of the person why made me happy, all the while being the reason why the scars kept on piling up.
The past few months have been lonely without you.
I see you trying to move on, and I keep on dragging you back to me when I can see in your eyes that you want to move on.
I've been trying not to be selfish. I've wanted you to move on so damn badly. I want you to be happy, but I hate the thought of your happiness coming form someone who isn't me, even though you deserve someone a hell of a lot better then me, even though you constantly tell me otherwise.
I miss you, and I hate myself for it. I don't want to miss your crooked tooth smile, or your bright hazel eyes, or the way I feel like everything and nothing all at once when we kiss.
I want to hold your hand in mine, and for you to rest your head on my shoulder, and for me to rest my head on your head as I pull you closer to me.
I want you, but I don't want the pain I had when I was with you, and I don't want you to have the pain you had when you were with me but I wasn't even there.
I think you used to feel the same way, but I can tell that you don't anymore.
\At least not outwardly.
I need to restart valuing your happiness over mine. That's what I did back when we were dating, and I think that I can manage to do it again.
Try and be happy for me, okay?
I don't need to lose you again.