April 17, 8:30 PM
Roommate claims unicrons are a surrealist concept. Have performed in-depth studies on the works of Salvador Dali and Rallè and found nothing. Asked for clarification and received derisive laughter in response. Roommate also claims that unicrons are attracted only to those who are pure of heart, e.g. virgins, and not to persons who "insist on dissecting every facet of existence like a med school cadaver, Gale." Gazed pointedly in the area of my genetelia while expressing the former sentiment. Considered rebuking her, but would only have been called uptight. Also now apparently known as "Unicorn Girl," if whispered rumors overheard outside the dorm are to be believed. Have had several students ask me if I was feeling "horny." Told them I was not, in every sense of the word.
Attempted to argue to roommate that the alleged healing and purification powers of the unicron's horn can only be the result of manipulation of atomic structures: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic," Clarke, Arthur C. Also noted that a creature in possession of such technology would be unlikely to care about one's sexual habits. Roommate retorted, "How can you expect to study something when you can't even spell its name right?" Reminded her that just because the only other example of a word's form is the Transformers wiki does not mean said word is obsolete.
Purchased a digital recorder from the electronics shop on Cardinal St. Did not ask if it was capable of recording surrealist concepts. Also neglected to ask if it was capable of recording unicrons, since that would mark me as either deranged or a film student. Have no desire to be associated with film students. Do not think that film students would appreciate being associated with me, either. Recorder cost precisely 102.09, accounting for tax, and likely is not one of my more prudent purchases. May have to engage in a new hobby to attain my money's worth. Snuff films are reportedly popular these days. NTS: Do not become a film student. Quantum physics is a perfectly respectable field, even where unicrons are involved.
April 18, 5:59 AM
Successfully left dorm at 5:03 AM without awaking roommate. Forced to crouch in bushes outside building in order to avoid trio of intoxicated frat boys, all of whom stank of cheap bourbon and were no longer in possession of their shirts. Could not fathom why they were loitering near the dorms when the fraternities are located half a mile away on the outskirts of campus. Suspected it involved sex between multiple persons in non-traditional manners. Sex involving frat boys typically does. Am not speaking from experience. Do not and never will have an interest in the sexual habits of frat boys. Counterpoint: would not object to observing sexual habits of sorority sisters. Will admit this to no one. Will also not admit my unfortunate thing for blondes.
Realised halfway to the designated experimentation site that I had forgotten both camcorder and socks. Time approximately 5:12 AM upon realisation, 5:19 AM upon re-arrival at dorm. Roommate was awake and accused me of filming her while she slept. Am not sure what sort of demeanor I have been forthputting to encourage these sorts of opinions, but have determined it is probably the wrong one. Left before she could continue our discussion. Did not apologize. Initial guilt set in around 5:25 AM, dispersed by 5:27 AM. If unicrons are sensitive to human states of emotion, one can only hope they appreciate unabashed apathy.
Designated experimentation site is a small grove of saplings a quarter of a mile from campus, at the edge of a large meadow. Was incapable of locating a spot affording both a decent view and a lack of damp, and was forced to resort to wallowing in wet leaves to achieve ideal recording position. Clothes achieved maximum fluid-containment capacity within a minute. Was delighted that it was April, and not January. Was crestfallen that it was April, and not June. Spent a good ten minutes determining how to turn the camcorder on, and ten more configuring it to ideal settings. Had left the instruction manual in dorm in a show of solidarity. Currently regretting this. Also regretting lack of raincoat, of breakfast, and of feasible evidence.
Current materials: One (1) Sony Camcorder, powered by two AA batteries; two (2) spare AA batteries in the instance that the first pair give out - I am nothing if not thorough; one (1) dirt-stained notepad, college-ruled; two (2) black ballpoint pens; one (1) digital watch; one (1) damp physics major.
Hypothesis 1: The existence of unicrons is provable through means of the scientific method and cheap technology. The presence of unicrons is reportedly higher in areas carrying an air of "mysticism", e.g. stone circles, wooded groves, dew-laden fields at 5:43 AM on a chilly, overcast morning. By spending extended periods of time in such places, i.e. attuning, the scientist may find opportunity to encounter a unicron and record its presence.
Hypothesis 2: Unicrons are a surrealist/mathematical/psychological concept and thereby incapable of being recorded by ordinary technology. Higher state of being must be attained via hypnosis, anesthetic, or drugs in order to determine their presence. If true, roommate will not be informed of findings. The gloating would be insufferable. Results may also be dubious due to the potential hallucinogenic qualities of some/all of these methods.
Hypothesis 3: Unicrons do not exist, and I am secretly deranged and undeserving of scholarships and sympathetic human company.
Aimed camera at direct center of field, just off an old oak. Tree appeared to be suffering from extensive rot and will probably die soon. Would appear that unicrons care nothing for the state of surrounding flora, despite what legends may claim. Have sat here for half an hour and found nothing. Am beginning to wonder if alleged sightings were nothing but a hoax, but refuse to give up search without tangible proof. Definitely regretting lack of breakfast. Wonder if unicrons can detect hunger.
Very bored. Very hungry. Cannot feel the damp anymore, but that is most likely due to the oversaturation of clothing with water.
Fell ASLEEP. Absolutely appalled, but have no time to reminisce as classes begin soon. Will review tapes later.
Total unicron sightings: 0.
April 19, 3:12 PM
Located student who has reportedly been in the presence of a unicron. Attempted to conduct an interview. Student reluctantly agreed but requested that he remain unnamed, i.e. a John Doe. Allowed me to record the interview on the grounds that I reveal its contents to no other. Considered transcribing contents for posterity, but determined it would be a waste of time.
In brief: student reported feeling a presence while working on particle models in the lab. Claimed that presence had a "horse-like feel," but could not clarify what that meant. Said he thought he saw something beside him as he worked, positioned as though looking over his shoulder, but admits it could have been a trick of the light. Am doubtful of the reliability of this source. Not sure whether could-be's and maybe-so's constitute legitimate evidence. Will treat it as such for now.
As a result of new information, have developed fourth hypothesis speculating that unicrons may possess qualities similar to those of quasars, and, as such, may be dangerous to human beings when fully manifested. Will research further, but will also continue current train of research, as abandoning one unproved hypothesis in favor of another shows poor form.
April 20, 5:45 AM
Left dorm at usual time, arrived at field posthaste. Weather foggy and cool, but am glad to say that list of current materials now contains one (1) yellow raincoat, as well as one (1) camcorder manual. Set up camera to point at same location as before, as tapes were promising.
Recordings were uneventful save for ten-minute period where area around tree became obscured beneath pale haze. Haze had physical characteristics of normal fog, but movements appeared almost organic in nature. Unicron may care about the state of local flora after all, and is simply lazy about seeing to it. Recording was taken during the period during which I was asleep, so do not know whether haze is visible to the naked eye. Will keep vigilant watch today, report on findings later.
Haze has reappeared. Can see it only when looking through camcorder, suggesting unusual atomic structure. If haze is a unicron, Hypothesis 1 (The existence of unicrons is provable through means of the scientific method and cheap technology) is most likely correct. If haze is just haze, research will continue as normal. Am considering approaching it, but think I will wait, just to be cautious.
Total unicron sightings: Unknown.
April 21, 6:13 AM
Roommate was not in bed this morning. May have been utilising the lavatory facilities, but cannot be sure. Do not remember her going out last night. Will think on this later.
No sign of haze yet, but have spotted movement on opposite end of the field. Movements are too large to be caused by deer, and do not know of any larger creatures occupying the area. Possibly unicron? Investigation will commence once I have found a sizeable stick.
Stick found. Have noted flashes of white accompanying movement. Very possibly unicron, if descriptions in folktales are to be believed. Not sure how unicron may occupy both gaseous and solid forms, but much is possible with the rearrangement of atomic structures. Refuse to call it magic. Bringing camera, given that I have not yet determined how to develop mathematical data for this experiment and must settle for visual. May be forced to develop mathematical data anyways, partly for own sake and partly to prove that I am not attempting an illustrious hoax. Have no desire to be associated with bigfoot. "Bigfoot Girl" is even worse nickname than "Unicron Girl," "horny" jokes notwithstanding.
Leaving glade now.
April 24, 1:33 PM
Expected to obtain at least minimal findings regarding the existence of unicrons. Did not expect to be confronted with the uncontrollable front end of a very pale and very startled horse. This due mostly to the fact that wild horses are not indigenous to this area. May have escaped from the local stables. Briefly suspected I was about to die, and had a moment of fond appreciation for the irony. Fond appreciation lasted approximately twelve seconds, up to the point where chest pains began and wrist felt as though it had been crushed beneath several tonnes of condensed lead. Have not encountered a horse constructed of inorganic materials, but might be convinced that it is possible.
Am currently writing this in the local hospital with thanks that I am left-handed. Do not know the location of my camera, but suspect it was destroyed. 102.09, wasted. Mathematical data beginning to sound very agreeable right now, as numbers, unlike physics majors and technology, cannot be trampled to pieces by angry horses.
Have learned that roommate is singularly responsible for injuries, plural. Decided to enlist the assistance of several students experienced in horse handling and play a prank on innocent physics majors, singular, by fabricating a unicron sighting of their own. Am not pleased by this development, but am also not very surprised.
Roommate agreed to pay any uninsured medical expenses of having wrist set, but refused to pay for loss of the camcorder, given that "the experiment was stupid anyways, and you should've known better." Informed her that the alleged stupidity of an experiment is not capable of repairing reasonable-priced electronic devices, and that generally, the probability of equipment being destroyed by a startled horse in an experiment that is not meant to involve startled horses is considered to be 0. Roommate made a snide comment about the traditional physical manifestation of unicrons. Appears unable to decide whether they are a surrealist concept or a tangible being. There is a reason I am the quantum physics major and she is not.
Roommate has left, but have developed distinct feeling of being watched. Cannot locate source. Determined to remain unperturbed.
April 26, 8:23 AM
Attempted to search for remains of camcorder in field, with the full knowledge that water and horse-inflicted damages would have most likely ruined it. Did not find camcorder, but located one mostly-intact tape in the grass. Will watch later when roommate has left for class. Feeling of being watched continues, and am reminded of John Doe's situation. Unsure of the implications of this.
Napped briefly, woke to find that wrist has healed. Doctor stated 8 to 12 weeks for fractures of a middle third. Said nothing about six days. Am glad, but also slightly concerned.
Have begun to notice constant haze in one corner of vision. Replaced contacts, but found no difference. Will watch tapes, record findings later.
Total unicron sightings: 1.