Another sleepless night is about to ensue

I wonder how many energy drinks it would take

To stop my heart completely

At least then I could be numb to it all

For now I'll drink a big one

Pretending that I want to sleep

When in reality I never want to again

Nightmares aren't my idea of a good time

If I had alcohol I'd drink until everything was a blur

It wouldn't help, not at all

But it'd be fun to cry and fall down on my stained carpet

Waking up with a headache and dry mouth

I always remember what happens in the morning

Nothing interesting would occur though

She did what I want to and passed out a while ago

Leaving me with too many thoughts and trembling hands

Whoever said love is a bitch should meet me in an alleyway

So we can exchange goods

They can bring me drugs and I'll repay them

But punching them in the fucking face

Love is a drug

I guess I didn't realize how much I needed her until she left

Not gone completely, we talked all day

But I can't say the words "I love you" to her anymore

And she keeps apologizing but we both knew it'd be this way

I'd fight to the death to see her smile

And she won't fight against her parents to stay

It's okay, it's fine, it's great, really

I forgave her for it four months ago when she asked me out

Because I always knew how the end would play out

I want her in every way you can want a person

But the scariest part is how desperately I need her

I'm off center, my axis is tilted

I'm afraid of falling off the edge

(Please let me fall off the edge)

I've cried at least ten times about it already though

It's better not to dwell

When she wakes up Ill see how much she remembers

Maybe I'll fill in the blanks for her this time

I have nothing to lose anymore, because she is my everything

And I already lost her

So I'll pretend to be okay and move on for the moment

Crying myself to sleep is so uncool, my mother is already disappointed

My father said he was sorry that I was single

I want to believe that his words are honest

But my former self screams out within me

He is a monster to her and I am a monster to myself

Vicious is my mind, as I apologize over and over again

How many times can I say I'm sorry before someone slits my throat?

It sounds so fake to their ears

But I mean every word that comes out of my mouth

I can't lie for shit, and what would be the point

In the end nothing good lasts, and lies are just tools for people

Who can't face reality

Reality has already beaten me bloody and left me out to burn under the sun

So I've stopped giving a fuck what other people think

I can't move on from anything, but at least I can act

One day I'll be on Broadway and put on a new mask

I'm already so good at it, I'll be a star

I'll shine brighter than all the stars in the sky

I'll still be dim next to her perfection

My sister is making me eat and my best friend is crying

Over one abusive boy and one ignorant one

My mom is going to Atlantic City soon

Everyone has got their issues and everyone has got their plans

The world is still spinning, and one day we'll crash and explode

Me and my friends will be six feet under by then

I hope reincarnation isn't real

(God I hope it is so I can have a second chance)

(So I can have a second chance with her)

(So I can have a second chance at everything)

I take the Lord's name in vain and I read smut on the weekends

I'm a sinner through and through

It doesn't feel any better than when I was a saint

We all end up dead anyway, so why not live life the way you want too?

I'm sorry, my mind is a mess and I can't think straight

Get it? Because I'm gay

Oh well, oh well, the day is done and we're all a mess

My mom says her anxiety is different than mine

But we both have it so we're both fucked

And I love my family so fucking much

But I'm sick of all the drama and the fighting

It's like a soap opera and I want to escape

And I want to kill myself and kill everyone else

It's funny, so amusing, hilarious really

We're just a bunch of suicidal kids

Telling everyone else that suicide isn't the answer

Press a razor to my skin and slide it across

Until lines of blood appear and I am satisfied with the punishment

I want to cut off all my skin so the demons underneath can fly away

Take tweezers and pick out the nerves

So my hands can stop fucking shaking

Forgive me, forgive me, I'm just exhausted

I promise I'll do better tomorrow

It won't get easier, not at all

But I'm still breathing and fighting

So fuck it, fuck it all

Give me a lit cigarette and I'll put it out on my skin

I am a dragon and fire cannot kill me

But she could and my friends could and everyone else could

I'm weaker than I ever imagined

I'm stronger than I know

I am the wind and I am the earth and I will not stop moving

Even if it is regression it is better than focusing on the depression

I'll take all the pain there is

Make me into Atlas so I can shoulder the world

Tell me you love me in the morning babe

I'll wait for her to take me back when I know she never will

School starts in less than a month

I better prepare for that too

I've made more mistakes than I can count

Take me back in time so I can fuck it up differently

Changing the scenery won't change the pain

I'm a hypocrite and a contradiction

Give me some pills and lets party

Not really, I'm joking, please check into rehab before you kill yourself dear

Stop the universe so I can take a breather

I miss the inhaler I had when I was little

I miss the glasses I had to wear everyday in class

I miss the crayons and the charts and the hope

Hope breeds misery, but I'd rather be miserable than without dreams

I'll taste the tail of a comet and drink the wine that flows from black holes

Make me into a part of nature, let me blossom beneath the light

Hide me in a basement somewhere, keep me shielded from everyone else

This is shit, I don't now what I'm doing anymore

It doesn't mean anything but it also means everything

I don't really know, I'd try to analyze but I'm freezing

These blankets don't keep me warm the way they used to

I'm an ice sculpture in the middle of a fancy party

Everyone will stare, but I'll never thaw

(I miss how easy everything used to be)