When I first got the news,
I was afraid - I knew not what to do.
When I first spoke of you,
I was told I should kill you.
When I said no, determined to hold on,
I felt like every friend I had was gone.
When I told the one who I thought loved me,
and believed would one day marry me...
I knew for once I was mistaken, believed a lie
What would ensue made me only want to die.
When he spoke of you for the first time,
you were not a person to love more than life.
When he spoke of you and questioned what I'd do
It was like keeping you alive was death in his eyes.
When I looked for comfort, when I needed hope
He turned away and in darkness I vainly would grope.
When I tried to hide the truth and on my own cope,
I failed miserably to heal a wound and grow.
When lies were spoken and deceit was round about me,
All i wanted to do was flee.
Nowhere to go, nobody to turn to,
My hope looked like a dead-end to all but a few.
My fate was set in stone,
Everyone labeled me harlot-prone;
Nobody knew the hurt inside, the agony I hide;
There was no friend in whom to confide.
When I tried to carry you inside,
Every step was a reminder and a cold chide
Of what a wretched sinner I am,
How unchanged by God I must've been.
When I carried you for only a month in my womb,
Others found out about you.
There you and I were, put in the light exposed
Condemned, beaten with words, interrogated - i froze.
I was a fool and listened to a fool;
I lied so he could run free while I was enslaved in misery.
I let the culprit loose,
there was nothing else to choose,
only one option seemed open to use:
But that was a lie too.
How he begged me to keep the truth hidden,
All while behind my back I was cursed and smitten.

If there was a God in Heaven,
He must've been angry with me...i was leaven.
Like a fool to the slaughter I went,
The rod was spared but my spine was bent.
Like a fool I ate the bread of deceit,
All their false promises they'd never keep.
I began to believe their malicious lies,
Falling for their trickery disguised.
How sweet it looked at first glance,
But bitter in the end of this terrible romance.
Led on, led astray, bound and gagged by him;
he didn't care, he despised and hated me utterly,
Whatever I saw in him to love was now grim.
I wanted to rescue you and him,
But only one could be saved...the light grew dim.
Lost in a maze of a false reality,
You were like a prize to be won from me.
Buttered up and covered in bribes,
They did everything to make me blind.
Once they had my word and trapped in lies,
I became the laughing stalk, the fool to the wise.
I became the open example,
Shamed and upon me they would trample.
But every word said was skewed,
Of me they talk only to abuse.
As months went on you grew,
I didn't know what to believe, what was true?
You were so close to being theirs,
Everyone else felt that i did not have any cares.
But I was manipulated to believe
That you were God's gift for them; they'd relieve.
So I stood by and watched your future unfold,
Before my eyes i saw how they'd fit you in their mold.
A life of lies, ungodly speech, tragic misery...
How could i give you up to these? This cannot be!
But woe to the fool who gives his word hastily,
For he cannot take it back so easily.
Such was I, bought the lie, no returns on this side;
I was struck blindside.

Hear how they spoke of you and I,
Every night til I fell asleep I would cry.
Alone in my sadness, alone i wanted to die
Just to see you have a better life.
God help me, i would sigh, to do what is right!
I know I failed countless other times,
But please for your sake and not mine,
I just want you to have a better life;
Not a life deprived of God,
Not a life depraved in heart and mind,
Not a life like mine.

My prayer was that you would grow,
In Jesus Christ you'd live and know;
To love Him more than I have ever known.
My heart could only hope for you
To never be like me, for you to hold to what's true.
Darling, my dear, my sweet baby
If only you could know the real me...
Not the faux painting they've made you see,
But the wretch God saved and is now free.
Not free to sin but to worship Him,
In life and death, in word and deed, for Him.
No, I'm not perfect yet, not hardly;
Every day I struggle and feel defeated completely.
But I know now what I didn't know then;
I have been rescued and made complete in Him!
I strive for what is good and pleasing to Him,
though time again i am grieved by daily sin.
I desire to be pure and blameless in His sight,
Not please man or work for salvation to earn right.
I strive to battle against my flesh, every day i fight
I fall often but I know God is my strength and might;
Only through Christ can i see the light and be made right.

When you were brought forth into this life,
I wasn't any man's wife.
When you were a newborn and cried,
I wasn't your mommy to hold you in the night.
When you were an infant as cute as a bee,
Strangers could hold you, but never me.
When you were a toddler and would play,
I was always kept far away.
When you grew, a young child
I was as one impure and defiled.
When you looked at your brothers,
You didn't know they weren't your mother's.
When you hugged and kissed your daddy,
You didn't know he wasn't your Father completely.
When you were dreaming of pretty things,
When you were dancing and would sing;
You didn't know there was more to be dreamed,
You didn't know life was more than it seemed.

When you lay in your bed asleep so sweetly,
I lay awake and brokenhearted waiting patiently.
When you dream of innocent and sweet things,
I cry at the thought of pain life brings.
When you play with friends,
I am alone and wish this life of mine ends.
When you have family to love and hold,
I am barren and growing sad and cold.
When you grow into whomever you become,
I hope it's not in vanity and false religion.

When you grow into a young woman,
I hope it's in purity and devotion to God.
When you find a young man whom you love,
I hope he is worthy of your heart and true to you.
I hope he is a man of his word, loves Christ more than even you, and lays down his life for you.
I hope he is a man after God's own heart, a man who will provide, protect, and lead you closer to Christ above.

When you grow into a young woman,
I hope it's in purity and devotion to God.
When you are loved and cherished by a man, your own husband,
I hope you learn to love him as he needs to be,
I hope you honor and respect him rightly,
I hope you become more beautiful as a wife and someday a mother of many.

When you are a woman who fears God,
I hope it's an ornament about your neck, a sweet aroma to the lost and dying world to whom you are a light
I pray that you will have a strong faith and be rooted in Christ's love,
I pray that you will have a quiet trust in Him through all that life brings you and those you love.
I pray that you will have the humble heart of Christ, and a patience which allows you to hope.

When you are a woman who seeks to please God first,
I hope it's an ornament about your neck, a sweet aroma to the lost and dying world to whom you are a light
I pray that you will be a spiritual mother to those He puts in your life,
I pray that you will have a heart for the lost, the orphan and widow,
I pray that you will be an example and teach the younger women the ways of Christ in purity and devotedness.

Darling, my dear, my sweet baby
I would be content even if you never come to know me
If only I could know that you are known by Christ
If only I could know that you know the Lord God who is all-wise
The only one who could set you free
I would be content even if you never desire to know me
If only I could know that you desire God more
If only I could know that you are a born-again child of God, renewed at the core
Darling, my dear, my sweet baby
Never take your eyes off the Lord like I have done
Never take your eyes off the Lord like I am so prone
Never stop praying to Christ alone,
Never stop believing in the One God faithful and true
Never stop hoping to the end that His will be done in you.