The stage is set in a very minimalistic style. In the centre of the stage there is an old grey lounge chair. John is sitting with his head in his hands on this lounge, visibly shaking. He has a largely noticeable black eye and small scar across his face.
- Stage lights up
John: (looks up, wincing at the bright light and looking extremely startled to see an audience) No! You can't be here! You didn't see anything! You didn't see anything, okay?
(Whispers to the audience, falling to the ground in a begging position; hands clasped out in front of him.) Don't tell him! Please? It will be our secret. Okay?!
(He pauses for a second before he falls back against the box as if he has been slapped. He is visibly shocked.) What do you mean that I have to tell him?! I didn't do it! It wasn't me!
(Looks away guilty and sighs. He climbs to his feet, brushing himself off as he does this.)
I didn't… I didn't mean to, anyway. And now. If he finds out… He'll kill me!
(The thumping of steps can be heard from behind the curtained entrance.)
Oh god! That's him coming now…. What am I going to do?! I'm too young to die!
(He looks around with a panicked expression written across his face.)
Quick! I've got to find a place to hide!
(Eyes settle on the lounge.)
Perfect! Maybe he won't see me behind here…
(John flops down behind the small piece of furniture, still obviously noticeable to the audience. His head and legs poke out from both ends of the lounge. He looks at the audience and places a finger to his lip.)
Lukas enters from stage right.
Lukas: John? John? Are you in here? John?!
(He looks around the room but somehow misses the obviously prone figure of John lying behind the lounge. After scoring the room he sighs.)
Lukas: Well, I guess he's not here then… But when I get my hands on that moron!
(Looking extremely angry as he stamps across the room to stand directly in front of the lounge where John is hiding. He takes a moment to calm himself down and sits down on the lounge chair. When he speaks his voice is still only barely composed.)
I still can't believe that he'd do that to me… My own brother! You'd think family loyalty would mean something. Ha! Like hell!
(Slams down hard on the left arm of the lounge chair, causing John to jump and start shaking from his "hiding spot." Lukas hears something and leaves over to discover John cowering behind the chair.)
Lukas: John?! What the hell are you doing hiding behind the lounge chair?! Didn't you hear me calling for you?! I've been looking for you everywhere!
John: Oh, uh I… Sorry. I just was looking for…( He is stammering heavily.)
Lukas: (ignores John's stammering and stomps towards him angrily. John begins to back away in fright. Still shaking.) Now! (Reaches out to grabs John's collar but the other boy scampers out of his grasp, falling to the ground to escape.) What have you got to say for yourself?!
John: Well, I… I d-didn't mean to do it! I swear! I promise you-
Lukas: I don't care if you didn't mean to! The fact is, today is my first day at work! And there is not a single drop of milk left in the fridge!
John: It was me… Wait, Uh, what? Milk? (His face is covered in a mixture of shock and relief.) Milk?!
Lukas: (looking even more annoyed now.) Yes! Milk! You heard me. I know it was you who drank the rest of it! I did hear you in the kitchen last night, you know. You weren't exactly subtle about it! (Walks towards John with his hand held out in an accusing manner.) You're always hogging all the food, aren't you John?!… And wasn't it your job to go out and get more last night?! (Stops staring at John, questioningly. He pauses a second before he seems to remember something) Yes it was! I leant you my car and all!
John: (at the mention of 'cars' John becomes increasingly more nervous. A stricken expression crosses his face and he starts shaking slightly again.) I-I'm sorry. I promise I will go out and get some later! As soon as I can! Now actually! (He gets to his feet all of a sudden, looking around apprehensively before he makes a start for the door. He seems very eager to get out of the room.)
Lukas: Well… you'd better be sorry. (His expression shows his confusion at John's sudden change in attitude. His voice is unsure.) But I'm pretty sure the shops don't open for another hour yet. So I'll just make do with Juice or something… (Makes to walk back towards the curtained door)
Oh, and by the way I'm taking my car out this morning, so I hope you didn't scratch the paint while you were out last night.
John: (Goes extremely pale and begins to fidget with his clothing.) Uh…
Lukas: (still walking towards the door.) And, you did fill up on fuel, right? (* A heavy emphasis is placed on the word right in this sentence.)
John: (shakes his head nervously still fidgeting) Um…
Lukas: (stops at the entrance to look back at John in question) Right?!
John: (looks up, startled.) Uh, r-right!
Lukas: (nods his head in acknowledgement and exits the stage through the curtained entrance.)
John: (walks slowly back to the grey lounge. His feet drag as he walks and his face is dull and expressionless. He stops in front of the lounge, turns to face the audience and drops backwards the sit down in an exhausted manner.)
Milk? Milk?! I wish! Wouldn't my life be so much easier if all I had on my shoulders was not going out and buying a damn carton of milk when he asked me too! (His voice speeds up slightly after every word.) In fact… maybe if I just didn't tell him and- (trails off hopefully, looking towards the audience for approval. There is a brief pause before he winces and shrinks back into the lounge.)
Alright… Alright! I know! I know I need to tell him! (He stands up, his hands clenched into fists)
But how?! It's not exactly an easy thing to confess you know. (A brief pause) Especially not after the milk incident.
(He shudders overdramatically. A few seconds later he looks back up at the audience.)
And how do I tell him? What do I even say?
(Looks down at his hands before he looks up again with a bright smile on his face. )
Lukas. I totaled your car. Sorry.
(Continues smiling and allows the audience a few moments to take in his "confession," before he scowls and begins pacing from one end of the set to the other.)
Yeah. I don't really think that'll do the trick.
(Walks back to centre stage and peers down at his hands again, thoughtfully. )
So, uh, Lukas? You know how you let me borrow your car yesterday? Well, that was a big, big mistake. (Pauses dramatically) Because me and my friends went out drinking. Yeah, I know. Probably not the smartest move, but they talked me into it. (Shakes his head and rings his hands nervously looking towards the audience.)
So yeah, I was kind of drunk. (Pauses) And driving. In your car.
(Laughs a little)
I was coming home at this point. I swear I was. But then, just as I was passing our neighbours house the craziest thing ever happened. (Looks at the audience, wide- eyed.)
I was just cruising along, minding my own business like I said, when this power pole just like JUMPED out at me. (Jumps to the side of the stage and looks back in wonder as if swerving away from a power pole) It came out of nowhere.
Pretty crazy right? But don't worry. I reacted on instinct! (Dramatic pause).
I swerved like a pro (Swerves across the stage like a maniac and trips over lounge. Stands up from the behind the piece of furniture to say the next line.) – And barely even grazed it.
You would've been proud of me, bro! (Smiles cheerfully) If you've been there…
So yeah, after that little incident (*emphasis on the word "incident") I was all set to come home. Just rattling along.
And then this dog just appeared. (Falls to his knees and looks up with a startled look on his face.)
I didn't even know our neighbours had a dog before now but there it was right in front of me on the road! (Points downward at a spot on the stage just in front of the lounge)
I knew I had to be home soon. But I couldn't hit the dog. I just couldn't. (shakes his head in denial) I tried to do the heroic thing and swerve out of the way again… but nature wasn't quite so kind this time.
Because you see, I think this dog was crazy. Maybe it had rabies or something, I don't know, but then before I could even blink, there it was launching itself at me and your car like some crazed missile.
(His hand follows the dog as it gets closer and closer before he falls back on the lounge dramatically.)
Well, I did what any good person would. I slammed on the brake (Still sitting on the couch he slams on an imaginary brake) and did a full on proper 360. It was amazing. I thought I was going to miss it. And I did. (Raises a hand triumphantly above his head)
But with all the excitement with that dog and … well, I kind of missed one thing. (Looks downward in shame.)
That thing was the neighbour's pool. Before I even knew there we were. Sinking.
(Sinks downward, off the lounge and onto the floor in front of it.)
I thought I was a goner. Completely done for.
But then, just as I was about to give up hope, my bottle of rum drifted up from under the front seat. It was there, right in front of my eyes. It was a sign from the heavens! I knew it! It had to be!
(Rises up to his knees and raises arms upwards in a "reverential pose")
So I leapt forward! (leaps forward) Grabbed this gift of god and slammed it hard against the windshield. Both the glass shattered and struggled my way right through the windshield. I'm surprised it gave so easily. Really, I am. You'd think that such and expensive brand of car would be…
Well, more unbreakable.
(Another pause while he looks around the room guiltily as he remembers the price of the broken car)
Anyway, after what seemed like hours of fighting the tides of this crazy pool, I finally emerged.
(He reaches up and grabs the side of the lounge like he is climbing out of a pool. He struggles for breath and heaves himself up on the lounge.)
Shocked. Stunned. Barely able to pull myself to my feet.
(He pulls himself to his feet wearily) I could hardly stand, let alone drag myself back up the neighbour's driveway and through the unexpectedly ruined fence. (Looks perplexed.) Which I don't think I noticed on the way in… I might have stopped to ask but then that damn dog started chasing me and I had no choice. (Voice quickens and he almost begins to rant at this point) By this point in the night, I was fairly certain that the damned thing had rabies so I couldn't stick around and ask question or check the damage. No! I had to get out of there.
(Looks back towards the audience with a desperate look on his face.) You understand, right?! You wouldn't want your poor little traumatised brother to catch the rabies would you?!
(Yelling at this point) Would you?!
(Takes several deep breaths and calms himself down before he begins to speak again)
No, of course you wouldn't.
So anyway, I dragged myself out of their yard and all the way up our driveway.
2055 steps from our gate to the front door. I never realised it was so long before. But when you're soaking wet, covered from head to toe in scratches and being chased by a rabid animal you begin to appreciate the finer things in life. Like steps.
Pretty crazy, huh?
(Falls to ground and leans back again lounge casually)
Isn't that a funny story? I'm sure we'll look back at it in a good 20 or so years and laugh about it.
(Looks towards audience hopefully. Then he's face drops.)
He's not going to laugh. Is he?
(The room is silent for a moment as John pauses and his face erupts back into a pure look of terror. The smile is wiped clear of his face and when he starts speaking again his voice is panicked.)
No. He's not going to laugh. He's going to see his car. His brand new car! And he is going to MURDER ME! Absolutely murder me! Oh god. I've got to get out of here!
(He looks around the room frantically before making a run for the door.)
Lukas enters from curtained entrance and crashes straight into John who was attempting to make his escape through the door.
Lukas: What the hell is wrong with you?! First you're yelling things through the house like some sort of crazy person and now you're knocking people over?! Where were you going anyway?
John: Er… Nowhere?
(Looks around the room unconvincingly before he looks back at Lucas. Lucas looks sceptical. John sighs.)
Actually… Lucas. There's something I- uh, have to tell you, while you're here…
Lukas: (Raises an eyebrow) Yeah?
(Suddenly out of nowhere a phone starts ringing. Both Lukas and John soundscape this ringing for a minute before Lukas looks around cautiously and reaches into his pocket to answer the phone.)
Lukas: Hello? Yes, this is he? (Tenses up and look shocked) A car? No, it can't be mine. (John looks up and freezes. His face goes blank) My car is here! In the garage! (Pauses in shock) Neighbours pool?! No, it can't be my car-
John: (begins slowly backing away to the exit, trying to be as silent as possible.)
Lukas: Yes. Yes, that is the sort of car I drive…. (Another pause as the person on the other end of the line speaks) Yes. That is my number plate. (A horrified expression crosses his face.) A power pole? A fence? Your dog? The pool? I'm so- sorry I just don't understand how this could've happ-
(John has been inching open the door slowly while Lukas speaks on the phone but suddenly the door squeaks. Lukas looks up on the phone to see John backing the way with a very guilty expression on his face. His eyes narrow and he cuts of his sentence. )
Alright. I think I understand the situation now. Let me call you back.
John: (Eyes widen) Uh, I gotta go! (Runs through curtained stage entrance)
Lukas: John! (Moves to the exit to chase John offstage.)
- Stage lights out