This Is Real

Your words hit me like a brick wall

I can't even breathe at all

I'm left with my mouth hanging

And my mind feels so empty

I'm trying to gather the pieces

Of the puzzle that my heart has become

But it doesn't make any sense

I cant understand the words you just said

My chest just feels so tight

Sweaty palms, clenched jaw

My legs are shaking now

There's a lump in my throat

I feel like I've become a robot

Walking aimlessly

Without thinking or feeling

Just operating what I was made to do

My head is aching

My knuckles are white

I am losing awareness of things

I'm still trying to realise

That you're gone

And everything feels so wrong

I want to smash my head against the wall

Just to feel something

'cause my mind's so numb

I'm still incredulous

I feel like I'm going to fall

And I try to be strong

I put on my fake smile

But it doesnt reach my eyes

Nothing can unlight me tonight

This day is a cursed day

I keep remembering the little things

You would do and say

And then I see your face on that picture

And it makes my heart break

'cause I've been so stupid

And now it's too fucking late

You were right next to me,

I should've made a damn step

And myself I hate

'cause I've been so selfish

And regrets are filling me

Killing me inside

But I am still here

You're the one who's gone tonight

I feel like my hope left with you

Taking my faith in life too

And I'm sitting there

Trying to put words on my pain

'cause words are the only thing left

When my heart's been taken away

I feel out of my own body

Stranger to my own life

I just feel so tired

My body's so numb

I just wanna close my eyes

And drift into a dreamless sleep

Into uncounsciousness

I need to put it all away for a while

To take a breath

To forget everything tonight

Everything else just feels meaningless

Everyone seems so vain

As my world's shattering

But I still cannot believe

That this is real