I know I said "Eros, A Sacrificial Archer" was next but I'm thinking now that it's time for some more comedy, get you guys more situated with the Love half of this story of Love and War. Don't worry, we'll be back to bloody monster fights after I'm done trying to make you guys laugh...be ready...


Eros stood, bow drawn in the darkness of the theater.

"E-Eros?" Hibiki squeaked out as he sat behind the god, still terrified.

"Hibiki-dono..." Eros smiled, his bruised face showing in the gradually growing glow of the pink arrow of light between his fingers. "Stay behind me, okay?"

Hibiki shook himself out of his daze long enough to answer with a quiet nod, an action barely visible in the shadow cast by the god's small frame.

"Good, now I need to know something..." Eros continued with a smile; the tension tangible, the beast's rage ever growing in the unholy darkness of the theater, permeated only by the shine of the single arrow in the lithe god's gentle grasp.

A single question, uttered with such delicacy amidst the brutality of the situation.

"Hibiki-dono..."

"...are we friends?"

"What?" Hibiki asked in surprise.

"I know it sounds weird but I need to know, okay?" Eros faltered, the strain on his body evident with each word as he turned to face the otaku, kneeling down in front of him to show a comforting smile in the dim light.

Hibiki thought about it for a while, the question totally catching him off guard.

Friends? Us? Why would he-

His thoughts were interrupted by the roar of the minotaur as it recommenced its attack, becoming a blitz of flaring nostrils and horns as it charged!

"Hibiki!"

"Y-yeah, I guess we're friends!"

"Thank goodness!" Eros sighed with a contented smile as the beast came upon them. Hibiki went stone statue, Eros spun around on his knees and the minotaur came up with blood red eyes and gnashing teeth, its piercingly sharp horns inches away from skewering the god through the chest...

...and then...

PHILIA!

Eros released the arrow, point blank at the monster. The projectile struck the beast in the chest dead center, the result a reaction of red lightning and flashes of pink light. Eros' eyes widened in shock at the chaos before a small explosion erupted, throwing him backwards, with Hibiki catching him in his skinny arms before falling on his butt.

When the light show was over, the room was all but empty, the chaos of the situation leaving behind only two bodies and a trail of destruction.

Eros groaned in discomfort as Hibiki unintentionally held the lithe body in his arms, still sitting on the floor of the isle. Slowly, Eros brought himself to, immediately standing as best he could and offering the teen a hand.

Hibiki, still so very much confused at what the hell was going on, took the god's hand without comment and allowed himself to be led back out into the lobby.

Once outside, Hibiki got a good look at Eros.

The god's face was covered in large scratches, his forehead was bleeding and his chocolate brown hair was stained red; one eye was sealed shut with a gash while his hands were bruised and bloody as well. His clothes fared no better than the rest of him; one shoe was gone, the other had a growing red stain where the god's foot had been smashed and his jeans had bad cuts all over them; his hoody was also a mangled mess draped over the god's small figure, the left side had a large chunk torn out and the sleeves were hanging off the fabric like they had been thrown into a tornado.

"Eros..." Hibiki began...

"Are you okay!?" A gentle hand touched the teen's cheek, the god looked terrified as he checked the teen for wounds. "I saw you fall, did the minotaur hurt you!?"

Hibiki was lost for words, he just stood there for a moment before realizing that his silence was only making Eros even more panicked. Composing himself to the best of his ability, he brought forth enough strength and mental stability to say. "Y-y-yeah, I-I'm fine...But are you-"

"What about emotional damage!?" Eros continued, looking him over again in worry. "I know that was very traumatic, you must have been scared, I apologize Hibiki-dono, I didn't want you to see it!" Eros apologized with a bow.

"I'm fine, really.."

Eros smiled at that, finally able to calm down after the reassurance. "I'm so glad, Hibiki-dono, I was so worried that something might have happened to you, master!" He hugged the teen tightly.

"E-Eros!" Hibiki stuttered out, instantly turning red at the surprise contact.

"I'll explain everything but you have to go back, tell Emily I wasn't feeling well!" He said as he headed back into the theater to escape out the back door. "I wish you all the happiness in the world, Hibiki-dono!"

"What about that thing!?" Hibiki called after him as the god reached the fire exit. The god simply turned to him with a bright smile.

"Don't worry Hibiki-dono, it's gone now so you don't have to worry!" With that, he was gone, leaving behind a confused teenager and a mess of destruction.

"Eros..."

…...

LATER...

It was dark, so dark...

"Eros?" Hibiki's voice, younger though, it echoed in the emptiness as a child sized otaku roamed aimlessly in the shadows. "Eros? Momma?" But no answer; terrified and confused, he started to panic as he picked up speed. "Someone, please!"

"Hibiki-dono!" A cheery singsong voice called out to him. "Hibiki-dono, I'm over here."

"Eros!" The child turned around, aging into a teen as he faced the source of the voice.

A corpse, that's what called for him, a cold body slung up by black strings in the abyss.

"E-Eros...Eros...how?" The teen trembled in its presence; taking a step back but somehow never leaving that spot.

"Hibiki-dono, run away." The corpse said...but not in his voice...

"What are-"

"RUN AWAY!"

"Aaaaaaaahhhh!" Hibiki shot up out of bed screaming, flying into a body and fumbling as he got tangled in the sheets, spasming in the soft linens before finally realizing that nothing was after him.

"Hibiki-dono?" A soft voice, Hibiki found himself lying on top of something...or someone. Looking down, he noticed a slim, lithe figure beneath him, caught up in the relentless spastic movements of a terrified teenager. He looked down, noticed sweet brown eyes and chocolate brown hair before turning red, and handling the situation as only he could...

"AAAAHHHH!"

5 MIN LATER

"Sorry, Eros-san..." Hibiki apologized with his head hung low, face still a deep shade of red from his unmanly display earlier.

"It's okay, Hibiki-dono!" Eros replied with a sincere smile and a small blush of his own. "Look, today I made pancakes!" He announced.

"Oh, thanks..." Hibiki groggily replied.

After the "incident", Hibiki found the god waiting in his apartment, safe and sound. The teen had walked by the god without a word and threw himself on his "bed" without looking at the chocolate haired deity, not looking at his face or his wounds. "E-Eros..." He now looked at Eros' smiling face, the brunette seemed fine, everything from the theater like a bad dream "Your wounds..."

"I'm fine, Hibiki-dono!" The god chimed. "You don't need to worry cause I took care of the bad monster okay!" He laughed, playfully showing off his muscles and making a fist.

"Alright, thank you, Eros-san!" Hibiki replied, smiling back which surprised Eros for only a moment before he went to setting a plate of pancakes down in front of the lanky teen.

"So, what happened after I left, Hibiki-dono?" Eros asked, passing the boy the syrup. "Was Emily upset that I made you leave the movie early?" He looked down, ashamed that he had gotten in the way when it was his job to make things go smoothly.

"Emily?" Hibiki thought back to the theater...

…...

"Hibiki-san!" Emily's voice echoed in the hall.

Hibiki turned to see her running up to him with a huge smile.

"You missed the ending!" The raven haired cutie exclaimed, the adrenaline of the film still rushing through her blood stream. "It was all BLAM! BOOM! POW!" She explained with flying fists and hand gestures.

"Oh, sorry..." Hibiki said, still dazed/confused/terrified/excited(?) from the events prior.

"Hey, you okay?" Emily asked, noticing his off-putting demeanor; she took a look around, noticing that his "cousin" was nowhere to be seen. "Where's Eros-san?" She placed a hand on his shoulder...which instantly snapped him out of his stupor!

"EROS!?" Hibiki's now bright red face responded with an outstandingly nervous/awkward smile. "He's...HE'S GETTING A SODA FROM OUTSIDE!" The otaku reported, twelve volumes too loud and two octaves too high. "I MEAN; HE SAID HE WASN'T FEELING WELL AND WENT FOR A WALK!"

Emily simply smiled at the nerd's crazy "performance". "You're always so lively, Hibiki-san!" She giggled before frowning at the thought of poor Eros. "Eros-san...he must have been feeling bad the entire time, I hope he gets better."

"Me too..." Hibiki agreed, melancholy, trying his best not to make eye contact with the raven haired girl of his affection.

"Hibiki-san?" The nerve racked teen looked back to see that Emily had gotten closer, a small smile on her face as she looked up at the tall teen, barely making eye contact as she softly spoke.

"Y-yeah?"

"Thank you for taking me to the movies, I wouldn't have let myself watch my favorite show on the big screen if you hadn't been there to encourage me..." A small blush came across her cheeks. "Thank you for not thinking I'm weird..." She took a step backwards, hands behind her back. "I'm...I'm gonna go make something good for Eros-san so I'll see you tomorrow..." She turned, running back down the hall with a pep in her step; she stopped, turning her head to look at the stunned nerd with another smile. "Thanks again, Hibiki-san!" And with that, she was gone...

…...

"That's what happened." Hibiki finished his recollection with a nervous scratch of his head.

"So she's coming over here, Hibiki-dono?" Eros asked.

"Yeah, I gu-" But Eros was already standing.

"Hibiki-dono!" He turned to the teen with a burning hot determination within his chocolate brown eyes. "We have to get this place ready!"

"Ready?" Hibiki tilted his head in confusion.

"Hibiki-dono!" Eros replied with a serious tone. "If a suitor wishes to be with his beloved, he must show her the utmost respect especially when that beloved is a guest in the suitor's home." He explained with a smile.

Hibiki took a look around; dirty dishes everywhere, dirty clothes everywhere, DIRTY EVERYTHING! FUCKING EVERYWHERE!

"OH MY GOD YOU'RE RIGHT!" He screamed, hands gripping his head in panic. "SHE'S GONNA GET HERE AND THINK I'M A TOTAL SLOB WHO CAN'T TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF!" Hibiki bellowed, the completely accurate description of him striking at his fragile soul...

"Hibiki-san, I came to tell you that I lo- oh my god, is this a pig's sty!? What kind of fucking joke are you!?"

"That's exactly how it's going to go!" Hibiki cried in dismay. "EROS-SAN!" He clapped either hand on the god's slim shoulders in a pleading stance. "We have to get this place clean, Emily-san could be here any minute!" He shouted, whimpering a little because respect is something you can apparently live without.

"Hibiki-dono..."

He must be worried about assaulting Emily-san's sensitivities; taking my small words to heart so quickly,...

...My master, he's so reliable!

"Don't worry Hibiki-dono!" Eros assured, donning an apron and bandanna in a flash before swiping up a broom, an item he obviously purchased himself. "This place will be spotless before your beloved arrives!"

"Hibiki-saaaan!" A surprisingly loud voice came up. Hibiki instantly recognized it and made a mad dash to the door. The minute he walked out, he saw the object of his affection standing in front of her bread shop.

"Emily-san!?" Hibiki stuttered in astonishment.

"I'll be over with some bread in about ten minutes alright, tell Eros-san not to worry and get in bed cause I'm bringing tea too!" She shouted as best she could...only to find that she was now talking to thin air...

"We have to hurry!" Hibiki shouted in a spastic panic of flailing arms. "WE GOTTA GET THIS ALL CLEAN!"

"Yes, Hibiki-dono!" Eros replied with a dutiful salute.

10 Min Later

Emily threw a cloth over the basket and tucked away the thermos delicately as she slid on a nice white sweater over her usual colored sun-dress.

"I'll be back soon, grandpa!" She called over her shoulder; the sun was bright as she strolled out the door, the gentle winds hitting her face as she made her way across the street.

Meanwhile...

"What about this, Hibiki-dono!?" Eros shouted, holding up a pair of filth stained boxers.

"Throw it out!" Hibiki cried in a panicked reply, throwing everything he could into an already stuffed trash-bag.

"This too, where are we going to put everything!?"

The past few minutes had been filled with a relentless strike against the filth that was a young man's room; the duo of scared and scaredier had gone head-to-head with every spot of dirt and clutter like a raging battalion of war.

"I don't know!" Hibiki cried. "Let's just burn all of it!" The teen offered in distress, pulling out a match and striking it up in a flash.

"No, Hibiki-dono!" Eros gasped, blowing out the math. "A suitor cannot burn their house down when guests are coming over!"

"Idea! Throw it all out the window, ALL OF IT!" The duo grabbed every bag and shoved it into the opening that was the back window...only it was stuck. Apparently, years of torn comics, cup noodles, worn out underwear, and...tissues (used)...had culminated into a pile of garbage the likes of which had never been seen by human eyes!

"It won't fit through!" Eros shouted, pushing and showing the mountain of garbage, trying to force the debris out of the rectangular hole in the wall. "I can't- wait..." The lithe god quietly snapped his finger, the symbol of love disappearing and the sword taking its place."WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SUMMON ME FOR!?...Fine, take this you trash heap!" A boisterous roar and a resounding punch is what followed, along with an explosion of trash-bags flying out the back window.

*knock knock*

"She's here!" Hibiki announced, scrambling to shove whatever he could under his mat before getting up; with a sloppy attempt at getting himself together, a quick tussle of hair and a frightened pull of his shirt, he opened the door with a shaky grin. "WELCOME TO MY HOME!" He yelled/screamed/cried right in Emily's face.

"Good morning, Hibiki-san!" Emily replied, raising the basket in her hands with a smile. "I brought some sweet bread for you and Eros-san, it'll fix you right up!"

"Fix?" Hibiki asked in confusion.

"You said he wasn't feeling well right?" Emily reminded sweetly. Hibiki thought about it for a full minute before realizing just what the hell she was talking about and going out of his gourd.

"OH YEAH, HE'S FEELING A LOT BETTER NOW THOUGH!"

...you know, how a sane person usually reacts...

"Well, I brought some tea and some bread for you, it'll settle his stomach if he's up for eating." She explained, gently offering up the basket for him to take. "Here ya go, Hibiki-san."

"Y-you're not gonna c-c-come inside?" Hibiki asked, mindlessly accepting the treats with a bewildered look. Half of him was in a total tizzy that she would say no because he was a loser otaku NEET with no prospects while the other was glad he didn't have to burn anything.

"Ah, sorry, Hibiki-san." Emily said with a nervous smile. "Grandpa is waiting back at the store so I can't stay, plus, he says that I can't go into a boys house until I learn how to handle a shotgun with no problems."

Across the street, Hibiki noticed a shadowy figure in the store window with the glowing red eyes of a demon; he quickly went stone statue and almost wet himself.

SCARY!

"I wish I could stay but..."

"No! I-I understand!" Hibiki laughed in an awkward attempt at consoling another human being. "B-bye, Emily-san!"

"I'll see you later, Hibiki-san!" Emily said with a smile, walking away. Hibiki looked on with a relieved smile on his face...

He then felt a sharp shard of glass poking him in the back and a cold voice whispering in his ear with a seething fury.

"Listen you little fuck; first you summon me here to get rid of your damn garbage..." The chocolate haired war deity pressed the tip of the glass into the teens back. "Then you have the gall to bitch out on getting with this chick which is the only reason I am here, you ass-hat." A soft hand gripped the teens arm and twisted it behind his back with the strength of a gorilla.

Hibiki let out a high pitched squeak of terror before the feel of the glass at his back cautioned him to shut the hell up.

"Now here's what's gonna happen, you lazy excuse for a human being; you are going to ask that girl to hang out tomorrow...wait...what.." He turned his attention away from his captive to talk with his other self. "Oh, okay..." The good nodded to himself before turning his attention back to his hostage. "You're gonna ask her to hang out a week from now and you're gonna do it the minute I decide not to snap your fucking arm in two, ya got me?" The other Eros asked with a further twist of the teens arm to emphasize his point.

The teen just nodded slowly in his terrified half paralyzed with fear state.

"Good..." He said with an unnerving smile before releasing the teens arm and kicking him in the back thus throwing him out the door.

Hibiki instantly took off the second his fet hit the floor, running in his usual fashion with fear powered proficiency and leaving the still pissed off god watching him as he ran.

"*sigh*" The chocolate haired god commented, touching his collar as it charged up a shock."...dumb-ass..."

"W-w-w-wait, EMILY!" Hibiki cried as he ran up to her. "I have something I NEED TO ASK YOU!"


That's our chapter! As always I hope I got some laughs...and I'm really sorry if the dream was too scary, I may have made that nightmare more intense than I realized...

Anyway, if you enjoyed this chapter; favorite it or leave a review, I like hearing back from people even if it's negative...