The Adventures of David and Connie.
A Trip to the Hardware Store.
Barrett said "alright the two of you are going to a hardware store with me. Your mom is going to have the house to herself. Now Connie I don't want to hear about anybody being somebody's bitch in prison when we get to the hardware store."
13 year old David and eight year old Connie both start laughing and Barrett yelled "Goddamn it I'm serious!"
David and Connie are taken aback by this.
They head to Mark's Hardware which was founded in 1937.
The store manager Jacob Hillcroft greeted them at the door.
David said "okay dad where are the hammers?"
Barrett answered "we don't need hammers. I'm just here for a power drill."
Connie jumped in to say "don't let David use the power drill. He can't be trusted."
David responded "dad should use the power drill to screw your head on tighter."
Barrett told both of them to knock it off. All of the sudden a little old lady was heard cussing at a cashier.
"You overcharged me $12 on my purchase. What is wrong with you? Did your mother raise you to be stupid?"
The cashier said "You know what, fuck this job I quit!"
The cashier threw off her name tag and walked out.
The old lady yelled "where the fuck is the manager?"
Barrett said "okay let's both keep walking that situation doesn't concern us."
David replied "at least the old lady didn't talk about bitches in prison."
Barrett became irritated and said "David honestly what did I say back at the house?"
David answered you said "don't talk about somebody's bitch in prison and we're not talking about that."
Barrett exhaled with irritation and told his children to keep walking toward the aisle that had power drills.
When Barrett decided on the power drill he liked he placed it in the basket. David asked his dad if he needed help carrying anything and when Barrett answered "no" David asked "why did you bring me here if you didn't?"
Barrett answered "because your mom wanted peace and quiet."
Connie laughed and said "she makes more noise than any of us. She's always screaming."
Barrett responded "well now she's home alone she's got nobody to scream at. Or should I say no kids to scream at?"
David replied "to answer your question yes she has no kids to scream at and she also has no husband to scream at."
Connie and David both started laughing their asses off.
Barrett is ready to blow up on them but all of the sudden the intercom comes on "attention Mark's Hardware Shoppers as you might have noticed there is a trail of piss on our floor spanning several aisles. The reason there is a trail of piss is because our district manager came to visit today. Our store manager Jacob Hillcroft or as we like to call him shit-for-brains is very stupid and incompetent. As always thank you for shopping at Mark's."
After the employee hung up the telephone he said "my name is Don Fillmore and I fucking quit."
Don took his name tag and threw it on the ground.
Jacob rushed to the front end and said "yeah Don better have walked out. If he ever comes back in here we call the police."
In the meantime David and Connie are still in the power drill aisle and they're laughing even harder because of the announcement.
Barrett said "come on let's go."
They all left the hardware store and Barrett was happy with his new power drill. When they arrived home David and Connie told their mother Linda what happened at the hardware store. She just said she was glad she wasn't there.