The Tipping

Josh Fisher

There was a hard rain that morning, but just like any other day, Brotus woke up for college. Brotus was very big and muscular, twenty years old, with long Clay Mathews looking hair. He hated college because he was a slacker and college was very demanding. At least he was hanging out with his best friend Zurg Harrison after classes today. Zurg was beefy and short, and looked like Tommy Boy. They were like two peas in a pod. They liked all of the same stuff, were both dumb as a rock, and both loved…COW TIPPING.

Cow tipping was Zurg and Brotus' favorite thing to do. They loved it because of the funny noises the cow made when it was tipped. The fact that they loved cow tipping was perfect because they only lived a mile away from a big cow pasture. They learned how to cow tip from Zurg's dad, Marvin Harrison. Marvin was a tall guy and was really nice, and they thought he was cool because he played in the NFL for a while.

After class, Brotus was talking to Zurg. "Hey, waddya wanna do", says Brotus in his usual, dumb-sounding voice.

"I dunno", said Zurg.

"I know, how 'bout some cow tippin'!", said Brotus excitedly

"Sweet Bro!" exclaimed Zurg

After this conversation, the boys ran to the car because they were so excited. They were going to have a self-proclaimed awesome night. When they got to the pasture, it was already dark. There was only one problem with this trip, it rained, which means the field is way too slippery for cow tipping. They forgot that it rained, because they are dumb. The golden rule that papa Marvin always taught them was to "Never tip when the ground is wet".

When they entered the pasture, the farmer was nowhere to be found, so they approached their first victim. The moon was shining bright on the back of the lone cow while the boys approached very quietly. They got on the same side of the cow and pushed. The cow made a squealing sound and they laughed so hard that they snorted. The grass was very wet and they were lucky they didn't slip. The next time they may not be so lucky…

They were searching for their next victim when Zurg says "We need a real challenge". Zurg went on to tell Brotus about the biggest and loudest cow in the pasture, and that they had to find him. While they are searching, they see a light on, and duck behind a cow. They know that it is the farmer, but the light turned off and they thought that they were in the clear, so they keep moving and almost instantly find the grand poopah of all cows. He is massive and it was rumored that he could never be tipped.

The boys go up to the cow, just like normal, and try to tip him. They give a great shove and both slip right in to the biggest cow turd either one of them had ever seen. The cow almost seems to laugh at them, and they got angry. They finally get the cow to budge and then he squealed so loud that the ground shook. The boys laughed so hard that they slipped into the cow poop again.

The problem was that the farmer had heard the cow and went out to investigate. He found the poop covered boys and made them apologize to the cow. They vowed never to cow tip again. So they decided to try something else, lazer tag.

The End