You Just Never Know.
Bill Hunt just got a promotion and was driving to his new house. He'd transferred from Los Angeles to a small town in Northern California.
He stopped at Wendy's to eat dinner which was located right next to the sheriff's department.
Sheriff Ted Buckingham hollered "well Bill it's good to see you again."
Bill replied "well sheriff you're getting dinner here as well!"
Sheriff Buckingham nodded and Bill added "your office is small and looks like an old fashioned sheriff's department."
The sheriff nodded but said "well yes except we have computers and they didn't have those on the Andy Griffith Show."
After Bill finished his dinner he went home to his wife Janet.
Janet yelled to him "Bill come meet the new neighbors Ed and Molly Terrance."
Bill was living in a beautiful neighborhood and considered this the happiest day of his life.
Ed said "I'm Ed Terrance and I'm a math teacher at Sharps Point Middle School."
Molly said "I'm Molly and I'm a Language Arts teacher at Bell Elementary School."
Bill told them all about his new job promotion and how happy he was to be living in the new neighborhood.
After Bill got through telling them about his job promotion in construction Molly invited them in for cake and coffee.
At 8:30 PM Bill and Janet walked down the drive way of their neighbor's house. All of the sudden a teenage girl walked up.
Ed yelled out "Tina!"
Tina replied back "Mister Terrance."
Bill and Janet got to know 16 year old Tina Griffith who lived down the street. After Tina took off Ed asked them if they had plans for Friday. They said no and they were informed of a big dinner with other town officials that would be taking place at their house. The Hunts were thrilled with the invitation.
It was just Tuesday night and as the Hunts went to bed Bill said "well that head cheerleader seems like the perfect girl. Don't you wish she was our daughter?"
Janet replied "well she does seem perfect. Then again so does this neighborhood."
Bill said "oh and I'm sure that town dinner will be a hit on Friday."
Janet said "let's see if we can have a girl like Tina Griffith."
Bill and Janet start fucking each other.
The next three days went by fast.
On Friday night at 6:30 PM Bill knocked on his neighbor's door.
Ed opened the door and invited him in. When Bill got in he saw Tina's severed head on the table.
Ed told him "we'll be eating Tina Griffith the head cheerleader tonight."
Bill yelled "What the fuck! I can't believe I'm seeing this."
Bill ran out the door and saw Janet who had just gotten home from work and was on her way to the big dinner.
"Janet they beheaded Tina Griffith and they're serving her for dinner!"
Janet exclaimed "What!"
Ed yelled "that's what we do in this neighborhood!"
Soon after the sheriff pulled up and got out of his car. He announced "I'm ready for dinner."
Bill yelled "Sheriff they killed Tina Griffith!"
The sheriff replied "of course they did she is going to be the meal tonight"
Janet yelled "Oh my God the sheriff is in on this."
Bill asked "Sheriff Buckingham you knew about this?"
The sheriff answered "yes this is one of those neighborhoods where we secretly do this."
Ed said "that's right Bill."
Bill was in shock and asked "what kind of a neighborhood is this?"
Ed answered "I thought you and your wife loved this neighborhood."
Bill said 'well I had no fucking idea this took place."
The sheriff laughed and said "you just never know."
Bill yelled "Sheriff you're okay with this, what kind of law enforcement do we have in this community?"
Ed replied "well Ted and I went to high school together and we were best buddies. Ted and Ed they called us because we were quite a pair."
The sheriff said "now we have a real cannibalistic appetite for children."
Bill said "well you all are sick motherfuckers."
Molly said "well again I thought you and Janet like this neighborhood."
Bill said "well now that I see this shit no way."
Molly said "well you just never know what goes on in these small neighborhoods."
Bill said "oh well just wait until the press hears about this."
Sheriff Buckingham said "no you're not going to report this to anyone outside of his subdivision."
Ed said "even if you did who the hell would believe you?"
Molly said "we're not the first to do this. Last week 12 year old Spencer Simon was eaten. He was eaten because he ate his five year old sister without permission."
Bill replied "well in this neighborhood of psychos I can understand the examples that would lead him to eat his five year old sister. Oh but he needed fucking permission. This neighborhood is insane. I can't believe this neighborhood exists."
The sheriff said "you just never know about some small neighborhoods."
Bill said "well I'll just call my brother who's a reporter and this will be exposed."
The sheriff said "we can't let you do that."
Bill replied "fuck you asshole."
Sheriff Buckingham pulled his gun and shot Bill and Janet dead.