Body Author: Monnie

Title: My Acceptance Speech

Rating: PG13

Authors Notes: I just wrote this nonsensical (is that a word?) peice in ten minutes. Hope y'all like it!

Disclamer: No infringement intended- Everybody Loves Raymond, Will and Grace, Friends, Ally McBeal. I don't own them.


Golden Globe Awards

Los Angeles, Calif.

5:03 P.M.

(Fancy award music playing in the background)

I'm nominated for best actress in a comedy series. Everybody Hates Sammy. I'm so excited! Although I shouldn't be. I've been nominated 15 times before....guess what? I never won once! What makes me thik this time will be any different? Oh look, they're introducing the nominees now. Time to put on that fake smile for the cameras! What joy.

(Rosie O'Donnell is calling out the names of the nominees)

Debra Messing of Will and Grace

Jennifer Aniston from Friends

Lisa Kudrow from Friends

Monica Reyes (that's me) from Everybody Hates Sammy

Calista Flockhart from Ally McBeal

Rosie opened the envelope and said," And the Golden Globe goes to," she paused, "MONICA REYES OF "EVERYBODY HATES SAMMY!"

So many emotions flooded over me! I'm sure my face was the colour of a tomato. Whatever! I rose from my seat and pasted a sickengly sweet smile across my face. I took my time walking up to the stage. I did not want to trip, or make a fool of myself. Then as I neared the mike, it hit me. I had not planned an acceptance speech! Oh God help us all. I was so used to losing I hadn't even bothered coming up with anything to say! Theres not even any time to think! A hush fell over the crowd of thousands as they waited for me to say something.

"Uh...I really don't know what to say!" a surge of giddyness fell over me. "Oh my God, there's just so many people -and things- I'd like to thank. Uh...first of all I'd like to thank my family. They were bitches! And if it wasn't for that I would've committed suicide or something!! The only thing that made life worth living was knowing that one day I'd leave them."

Someone gave me a dirty look.

"Uh, second I'd like to thank the homeless hillbillie that lived down the street. He made a little house out of cardboard and newspaper. One day as I was walking , I happened to notice his roof was made of the "Classified" section. I saw an ad for a drama school- if it wasn't for that little newspaper house and the hillbillie that lived in it, I probably once again, wouldn't have been here."

People were whispering amonst themselves now.

"I would also like to thank Bounty the quicker picker upper. The napkins. I remember when I went to my first audition, I got so nervous and I trew up on their persian rug. Thankfully, Bounty was there for me. It really is the quicker picker upper!"

More whispering.

"I also wanna thank Blue, the dog. My dog. He really knows how to sniff out the bad guys! At my third movie audition, I was reading the "Titanic" script and some theives ran off with it. Luckily, Blue the dog, my dog had to go pee. The theives were still running, but ah ha! They tripped over Blue's leash. That was when Blue went after them. He retreived my script, and the theives went away with nothing. Well...not exactly nothing. The dog - my dog- Blue, went then and there, causing the villans to leave with a mouthful of dog piss. I will never forget that day."

Even more whispering.

"And lastly, I'd like to thank you. The voters. Without you, this never would've been possible. Thank you so much!" I hesitated and then added," IT TOOK YOU FUCKING BASTARDS LONG ENOUGH! 15 YEARS! GEEZ!!"

I walked backstage. Newsreporters where everywhere.

"What was it with your weird acceptance speech?"

"Why were you so angry?"

"Will you be attending the after party?"

"That outburst was unheard of!"

"Are you feeling alright?"

I had enough. "Okay, y'all, I realize I was acting really weird tonight, but I'll leave you with these words to abide by- "Never take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.'' And with that I left leaving everyone looking on at the curiosity that was me.


Ok, now that I've finished writing that, I realize it has no point to it. And it didn't make a lot of sense either...but thats lil old me! ;-)