GHOST

I sit here.

Yes. I. Sit. Here.

This is my seat. And if one was to challenge me for it, I believe that there attempt would be feeble. Because where I sit is where I live. This seat is a part of me. There is no moving me.

I am unmovable.

I am a rock packed into the soil and nature has its grip on me.

This is my life. Welcome to my life. Enter at your own risk. I advise you not to get to attached. For I am one who is missed... even when I am visible.

I am distant without physical distance. I am... a Ghost in the flesh. Yes. Ghost in the flesh.

Only here for a few moments while determining when I shall vanish. Willing to numb the feelings that I grow because of these developments that take place within humans when they interact.

Father, God, what has taken place within me? I am cautious as if everyone is my enemy. Patiently I watch people live their lives and wonder when they are wearing a disguise while also trying to be conscious of mine.

My disguises... I laugh at myself. How I crave to be honest to the point where I can't hide anything. I grow tired of my secrets. Often I wish I could express them to a woman so she can wield knowing me proudly.

And then along came Autumn.

Autumn...

Autumn

A beautiful woman, this I admit.

Yet, to her face I can't.

But I desire to speak words covered in flaming love

To her and then lock into an embrace just to melt away in each others arms.

Then we will come together to form

One life form that was created through the pureness of love.

Her eyes are naked to me,

So I blush when I peer into them.

Her voice is a melody,

When she speak I close my eyes and drift off to another place.

The smallest brush of her skin send me into ecstasy.

I love when she is next to me,

Or covering me,

Or hugging me,

Judging me,

Bugging me,

Scolding me,

Concern for me,

Mad at me,

Glad for me,

Thinking of me.

And though she is so close to me...

At the moment we can't be.

The streets are silent. I walk with my hands dug deep in my pocket as my mind rockets off into deep thoughts filled with my past, theories, pain, and prayers. I know God is here, because I still can't do the evil that cross my mind. My life is bizarre, and sometimes I wonder if I've done something to offend God. Yet, he always manage to verify that I am right where he wants me.

I have come to learn that we are spirits entombed in flesh. I try not to pay much attention to when my pride rises and take offense. If I am spirit, why should I work so hard to defend my outward appearance? I desire for my inside to show on the outside. And on my inside is my guide. The Holy Spirit of God. So, in me is two spirits. Mine and God's. And together they collide with my flesh which leaves me warring inside.

I want my spirit to win, but I am more accustomed with the ways of my flesh. It is more tied into my feelings. My feelings are so complex, yet so simple.

Autumn

I wonder do you realize that I love you?

When I realized I fell for you I tried to destroy this feeling.

No matter how many times I shot it,

It remained standing.

I have somehow created a monster.

One that grows stronger when it is threatened.

I want to make you more into a woman

By taking you and exploring your emotions

And sensuality

Also your mind and spirit

While pleasuring your flesh.

I want to love you fully and deeply,

Every moment I want us to hit climaxes.

Romance...

What is that?

With you I want to discover it.

"A single cigarette."

That is all I wanted. I didn't want to smoke it. I just wanted to hold it. This stick of substance is such a controversial object. Use it or not, it gives you a title. Smoker or non-smoker. You even have casual smoker! This can even determine relationships. Sometimes people don't want to be around one who smokes, and then there's time people only want to be around others who smoke. Smoking is looked down upon. And often I hear in church when people commit to Jesus they talk about how they don't smoke anymore. As if it was a sin. Never heard anyone say, "I don't have an unhealthy diet anymore!" Would that not be as evil as smoking? The scripture I heard people use to justify why they shouldn't smoke is that the body is a temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19). So as the smoker get criticized, do the deacon licking his finger at the chicken joint gets criticized after reaching chicken wang number ten? Or how about these sugary drinks that America has grown so accustomed to? Smokers are looked down upon as evil people. Why not Coke drinkers? Buffet eating champions? Candy corn munchers? Greasy gobbling goofers? Justa pondering.

Autumn

When she smiles I want to touch her face.

Her skin is soft, I want to kiss and taste.

When she talk, I want to feel the roll of her tongue.

Her hands, her hands, her hands I want to hold.

Sexy, beautiful, dazzling, woman.

Smart, clever, amazing woman.

May I kiss your soul, O, beautiful woman?

Let's become more intimate and watch our emotions for each other become more intricate.

I'll hold you down like an anchor, as we relate in this ship, I got your back.

Look at me, look at me, your eyes are eye-catching like birds in the skies

And I'm tourist passing by

Amazed at this natural beauty.

Truly, you have taken a stand somewhere in my heart.

How will I ever get you to depart?

Especially when you consistently bring sparks

To my life, you're some kind of art.

A muse.

You bring me inspiration, you lovely statue of happiness.

I admire you in front of you secretly.

You are with me twice sometimes.

In person and my daydreams!

Give me your hands and let me just hold them.

Let me just kiss them.

Let me just feel them.

Let me study them.

Let me just look in your eyes while learning them.

Come and explore me.

Strip me down from my thoughts that I hide behind.

I want you to see me naked, because I'm tired of hiding behind the clothes of my mind.

Feast on my secrets.

Know me.

Hold me.

Want me.

Here is some control of me.

Kiss me,

Hug me.

Touch me.

Stroke me.

LOVE Me.

Sigh...

Just be with me.

You have no ideal the mess I have to deal with. God is so relevant in my life. That's why I am so devout to him. Granted that he don't have to allow me to go through this life experience. What if he just took this living away from us? Took away our choice! Just brought us all to heaven. That would be easy, right? But do I really want that? Will I even remember this life in the afterlife? Or will it just disappear from my mind? Is my mind connected to my spirit or is it a part of my flesh? My brain is connected with this flesh, right? But do my spirit think? I know it can pray. I use to pray in tongues more often then I do now. I know it goes deeper than funny sounds.

At one time I couldn't do this. And I remember how I longed to have this spiritual gift. When I got it, it was so exciting. Now that I think about it, this worth more than any amount of money. Something giving to me through the spirit of God. Profound. He exists, I tell you. That's why I have gotten this far. Through his guidance.

It is said in his word that "Heaven is at hand" (Matt. 3:2). I believe this. There are times when I catch glimpses of spirits around me. Angels. I never tell anyone, but I know they are constantly near. I wonder why I can catch glances of them sometimes. And the visions I have. I know God works in the supernatural to amaze me. It's very impressive. I'm quite sure of his realness, despite the skeptics. And I know he working on everyone's hearts, despite our antics. And I know God is calling us, we just got to respond. Remove our attention from the cares of this world. Oh God, teach us to yield to your ways instead of chasing after fleeting dreams. This world I don't want us to achieve if we must lose our soul. Carry us home...

Autumn

You are sweet like a dream I had while sleeping on the pier.

Thoughts of you are like breezes on a day declared by random strangers as beautiful.

Come float with me.

Let's get away from this busy world and make memories.

Stay with me.

Let's get married.

I'm serious if you are.

Our love will take us far.

Light candles in the dark.

Turn our hearts into an ark.

We will float on the riverbed,

And from the moister will come children.

And we shall love them.

I will love every inch of you.

Constantly looking for the new of you.

Update me constantly.

Slowly touch me.

Fall upon me and don't get up till five minutes after you were suppose to leave.

Let me talk sweet nothingness in your ear and add to your self-esteem.

I want to kiss you down your neck while undressing your skin.

I want to slide my hands into your pants and find my way in.

I want to pleasure you.

But mostly, I want to treasure you.

Let me challenge you.

Who can love the hardest?

And ongoing competition.

I want to be your man,

Would you be my woman?

It don't take much...

It don't take much to go God's way. It just take deciding. If you choose to go toward God you shall move forward. When I ponder on what I would do if a situation was to arise, I like to say I want to do it God's way. Lord knows if I do it my way, it might be selfish.

Autumn

Your soul, I pray that it rests in God's hands.

Though I love you, I can't love you like he can.

He know you better than you know yourself.

If there is a problem, he can help.

He speaking to you.

Will you listen?

Or will you just keep missing it.

I pray that he break you from your stubbornness.

Not yielding to God is a high risk.

Find yourself trapped in nothingness.

How long will you put God off?

How long will you put up with this

Life of emptiness.

I pray God hold on till you run to him.

I pray he crush you till you are reaching to him for saving.

I love you,

And that's why I want God to hunt you.

I am a black man. A man who is disgusted with racial jokes. A man who is not for a black race, but more focused on this race toward Christ. Don't add me to your conversations filled with nonsense. I have no input. I want my output to be holiness. God resides in my chest, so let these words hit your spirit. I'm not here to be a yes man. I want to be a wise man. Speaking words from God's kingdom. Roaring like a lion at these devils disguising themselves in light trying to give us a fright but are not mightier than Jesus Christ.

Autumn

Your love is a risk.

I want to obtain it, but there are obstacles in my way.

The things I want are usually fashioned this way.

But you are more than a thing.

You are a moving, breathing, living joy to me.

And I want to see what we can create.

Let's band together and create music with our love.

Come.

Rolling in the deep.

I need God.

His words are power to me.

When I meditate upon him, I feel elevated. Yes, God I need you like...

Like a fish need sea. Take me out of you and then I'm lifeless. Empty. Flopping.

Seriously, God, hold me. Hold me back from this world. Hold me up in this world. Hold me.

Keep me. Let me not get focused on this world. Keep my focus on you.

Keep me true to you. Remove all lies from my lips. Anything I say, I want it to be accepted by you. If not, teach me something new to say.

Lord, I need you all day.

Yes, I need you in my way.

I want your way.

I want to hear what you got say.

Be with me...

For an eternity.