The Perfect Job
Duncan Carter is 36 years old and he has the perfect job. He has the perfect job. He's a hearse driver. When he drives the hearse every passenger is already taken care of. They have their very own unique box. He never has to worry about packaging issues.
Not only does he not have to worry about packaging issues he never gets any complaints no matter who his passenger is. If he runs late his passengers will never complain for all his passengers are late to begin with. If something makes Duncan mad on the job he can cuss all he wants and the passengers won't complain. For Duncan Carter driving the dead is a job that beats any restaurants graveyard shift.
It doesn't matter if his passenger was good or bad. Observe examples below.
If his passenger is a child who lost his/her battle with cancer oh the sympathy the will pour out.
If his passenger is a ghetto trash bitch who smoked lots of crack well he won't have to listen to her complain that she caught her sister in bed with her boyfriend.
No passengers will ever complain so he'll always have peace and quiet up front and so will any passenger in the back. How about that! Peace and quiet and eternal peace in the exact same car going down the road. YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT!
That's why Duncan Carter has the perfect job.