i can't say "i love you," because i am too timid

those three words, spoken til they became a cliche

my heart, crying, spilling a thousand tears redder than the sun setting

i can't scare you away. couldn't

do you love me back? i don't know for sure. i can't know for sure

you were my friend, my best friend. you know this. you know me, i think, and i think i know you once

i miss you, and i'm endlessly sorry i stayed there and said absolutely nothing and pretended everything was alright and now i watch as you do the same thing to me and i'm so sorry, please forgive me. i never even said i love you in ten years because i was scared, so scared that you would not take me seriously and now i'm dying inside, and you're gone and all i feel is regret and both emptiness and terrible emotion at the same time. my throat feels raw from screaming, my cheeks wet from crying out to you, please come back to me, can't you see i'm dying?

i feel cold. i'm shivering.