Alabaster gates blocked my way. It was as if their pure whiteness was scorning me. They were telling me,
"Only the pure may enter; Only the cleanest may come into Thebes."
It was a frigid night on the Sahara. The twinkling canopy of stars hung above me as a reminder that I had no roof over my head. Nephthys was watching me wander.
"Why can't I enter?!" I shouted angrily at the sapphire sky.
Why can't enemy ships pass the Pharos? a voice answered in my head. I sank to my knees and pounded a gash into the sand with my fist. "I am not your enemy!" I barked.
"If I am, I would have been dead already!"
I felt angry tears pool in my eyes.
"Redden the day I was born!"
Kaht, that wretched voice again!
You have survived wars and pain. You burden is too great. The gods cannot allow a shadow to enter into their City of Light.
I had once served in the house of the pharaoh. That palace was imbued with the essence of the gods. I couldn't get through a week without hearing them in my head or seeing them in visions. They usually told me of the path my future would take, but not of more serious things. Things like war. Sekmeht still plagued my sleep with dreams of bloody battle and gory assassinations. She reveled in my horror.
It seemed she was the only god to notice me anymore. Her evil taint must have stained me so that all her siblings would shun me. They only spoke to me in whispers. Like Nephthys, their whispers only told riddles. Those riddles' only answer was me and my past. The gods must have gotten joy out of pummeling tons of guilt into my weak soul.
Through my musings, I hadn't noticed Ra's chariot moving above the horizon. The sky was now golden, with a blush of violet. I must have bruised Nephthys with my anger. . .
She would get no apology from me.
Even I could gather strength to shield my mind. I had more power over those gods than they knew. My taint made me powerful.
I am the mouthpiece of the gods - and I serve no one.