Author's Note: So this is a writing contest entry for a forum called Labyrinth. Prompt: I had never been so sorry in my life...It had to be under 3000 words.
Are You Done With Me?
I had never been so sorry in life. Sitting down next to you on the first day of university was the biggest mistake of my life. Sure, we were both first years students, we didn't know anyone else, and it seemed like a logical thing to do. We looked at each in the way that all new people do and struck up small talk. Before I knew it, we were dating.
Before I knew it, we were done.
Nearly three years of pure happiness was what I had with you. We finished each other's sentences, were there for each other in times of need, and we just always had each other's backs. Now, those days are done and gone.
When I came into your dorm room and found her in your bed, I felt like my world was crashing down on me. You didn't even know I was in the room until she kicked you awake. You stared at me with intoxicated eyes and a look of surprise. To make matters worse, you did not look one bit guilty. No, you had that look of regret, regret of being caught. You tried to open your mouth up to say something, but I was already gone.
Three weeks had pasted and the only thing I could with myself was wonder the roaring city streets. No, I don't go off by myself; I stayed close to civilization. You are not worth me getting mugged or worse.
I kept my head, ignoring the calls of my friends as they invite me to join them for one event or another. I just needed to know a few things before I could fully move from you.
Seeing that girl in your bed made me realize that you had probably been playing me the entire time. I should have known that a guy like you would never fall for a girl like me. Let's face it, we were from two different worlds. You were rich and here on a sports scholarship. I was from a dirt poor farming family and here out of pity. You were well liked and respected. Most people had no idea who I was. You wanted to go out, while I wanted to stay in.
Yet, we somehow managed to click. I wasn't sure how we made it happened, but it just did. I supposed that there was some kind of chemistry there. I really wasn't up on how those kinds of things worked, but it seemed like a good reason.
I just wanted to kick myself for letting myself think that you were the one. No, not the one who I was going to marry, but the one who I could look fondly back on and say that we had a good time while it lasted. Maybe I was also hoping that it would last forever. I just don't know.
But seeing her in your bed, it was an eye opener.
Trust me, it was. However, it was also a learning experience. When you started ignoring me and talking to every other girl in the room, that should have been a sign to me. I should have known what was coming. I should have believed those girls who told me about what you were doing at the bar. I should have listened to your ex, who told me about your past.
I should have listened to them all, but I didn't. Why? Because I was blind.
I found myself wondering into a bar and sitting down at the counter. I really didn't know why I had even bothered to come here. I didn't drink, but when the bartender came over to me, I found myself ordering some kind of mixed drink that cost way more than what it was worth.
I played with the straw, watching little bubbles form in the bottom. Probably one sip of this would put me on the floor.
The bartender wondered back over to me. "Are you going to drink that?" he asked, as he leaned against the counter. "I don't know if I should be offended or not, but when a pretty girl doesn't drink something I make, it kind of feels like she just put a knife in my gut."
I looked slowly up at him. "Is this the part when I'm supposed to tell you my sob story and you offer up amazing advice?"
He leaned further across the bar. "Um...I'm not really all that good at giving advice. Mostly, I just stand here and talk to people until they get sick of my sense of humour."
I stirred the drink again. "I see."
"Bad break up, huh?"
I looked him in the eye. "Is it that obvious?"
He shrugged. "Whoever he is, he's not worth it. It's his loss to lose someone as pretty as you."
"Do you always judge people based on their looks? For all you know, I could be someone who is nothing but pure evil and did something to him?"
He stared at me. "Nah, I don't see that happening. You're new here and I don't see girls like you unless something bad happened."
"Girls like me?"
He nodded. "Yeah, you seem like the type of girl who makes the Dean's List, not doing mug shots."
"That doesn't even make sense. How can you judge so much based on little thing?"
"Like I said, I worked here for a couple of years and I've seen it all." He nodded in the direction of a group of barely clothed girls grinding against anyone they came in contact with. "I grantee you that they will not remember who they spent the night with."
I looked at the skimpily dressed girls. "That doesn't mean anything."
"Say what you will."
I stirred my drink some more.
"You shouldn't let him get the best of you. That would be allowing him to get his way and you do not want to let him be in control."
"What I am supposed to do?"
The bartender blinked. "I thought all you girls were supposed to be strong. You know? Screw men and all of that crap."
I shrugged. "Maybe you have this made up fantasy of what a girl should be without ever really interacting with one."
He shook his head. "Nah, I think I've just been watching too many Hunger Games movies."
I stirred my drink again. "Maybe." It had been sitting out for so long that bubbles were no longer forming. "Maybe that's what you look for in a girl."
"I don't know."
I stared out into the crowd. It was so thick that I couldn't really tell where one body began and the other one ended. The city roared, but each word was really meaningless. These people could act like they were friends or more tonight, but it was all an act. The stage was set for their tragic end.
I turned back to the bartender. "Don't you have other people to attend to? Is that what's it's called?"
"I guess." His smiled a cat like smile at me as he looked down at the long lines of people coming to the bar. "Maybe I do, but none of them are as interesting as you."
"I'm not that interesting."
He snorted. "You come to a bar, yet you don't drink. You're moping around over a guy who clearly is not worth it. You have all of your clothes on. Why wouldn't you be interesting?"
I stared at him. "Are you done yet?"
He shrugged. "Hard to tell. The night is still young."
"I'm not going to sleep with you, if that's what you want."
"Good thing I wasn't interested in that. Trust me whenever I say that you are the last girl who I would go to for that."
I blinked. "Are you insulting me?"
He shook his head. "No, I'm just saying that you are not easy. That's probably why your guy had so much trouble with you and cheated."
"I just don't understand his reason for leaving. I thought he cared about me." The tears filled up in my eyes. I reached up and wiped them away. I was not about to cry over you in front of a complete strange. "I try to understand. I gave him everything and I got the short end of the stick."
The bartender gave me a warm smile. "Sometimes, we simply cannot understand why these things happen. We have to see through the pain and realize that life is beautiful."
"That's so cliché."
"Sometimes life is very clichéd."
I stared down at the wooden bar. Would this night ever end? I thought that coming out would make everything better, but it's not. In fact, it's making it worse. It's making me remember all the things you did to me. How you struck me down, made me feel unwanted. You could treat me like I was your queen one minute and your slave the next.
Maybe it was for the best that we went our own ways. Maybe what I needed was an eye opener to see how you truly were.
The bartender leaned further over the bar. "You just have to sit and decide what you are going to do with yourself? Are you going to let this jerk totally control your life or are you going to get up onto your feet and go live your life to its fullest?"
I stared at him. "Why are you even spending all this time talking to me? You don't even my name."
He smiled. "Well, like I said earlier. I'm drawn to you and I just want to see you happy. Is there anything wrong with?"
I shook my head. "No, there's nothing wrong with wanting to see someone happy."
"Good." He looked at his watch. "Well, my shift is almost over. If you want to hang out, I'll be around back in about ten minutes."
"How do I know you won't kill me?"
He winked. "You are just going to have to take a chance on fate." He moved away from me, disappearing from my line of vision.
I looked back down at my untouched drink. Oddly enough, he was right. I couldn't let you control my life. I couldn't let this one little hiccup get in my way of living my life to its fullest. I stood up from the bar and pushed my way through the thick crowd.
Your voice filled my head. Your words cut through my skin. Your meanness cut through my core. I could not believe that I allowed myself to put up with all that crap for so long. I was just simply blind. There had never been any love there. I was so stupid to think that there was.
That first down of university made me sorry. It was the sorriest day of my life. I thought that we could have had something, but now I see. Now, I see who you truly are.
I pushed open the back door of the club.
"Took you long enough," the bartender said as he pushed off the brick wall.
I shrugged. "I had to clear my schedule."
He moved closer to me. "So, let's start with that name."
He nodded. "Addison. Pretty name."
We stood there facing each other, not feeling one bit awkward. This was how it was supposed to feel when I was around a guy. It wasn't love, but it just felt right. It felt like we could be friends for a very long time. I just don't know. I don't want to say something for a number of reasons. I had just met him after all.
When I looked at Daniel, I didn't see the look that you always gave me. Instead, I saw the look of someone who actually cared.
I just need to know something from you. I just have to get it off my chest. Are you ready?
So, are you done with and will you just let me be? I just want to embrace life and I cannot od so with your ghosts always watching me. I just need to know.